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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think party tea should be provided by the host not the guests?

293 replies

fourteenlittleducks · 21/03/2017 20:48

Or is this a thing now?

Friend's child turning 3. Invitation says to bring a dish instead of a gift.

I've never been to a party where food isn't provided by the host! It seems grabby to get your guests to bring the food with them. The point of birthday gifts is for the child's pleasure, not to save parents the expense of catering!

And I'm dubious about the hygiene aspect.

Or am I just being old fashioned?

OP posts:
Athome77 · 21/03/2017 20:49

I would think about the hygiene too. But maybe they are doing it so it's not all about the gifts...

Piehunter · 21/03/2017 20:50

Maybe it's that or no food, budget wise? It should cost you less to take a dish than noisy plastic toy surely? I think it highlights the importance of presence over presents. It's different but not wrong or grabby IMO

Porpoiselife · 21/03/2017 20:52

It's a bit odd for a 3 year old party. Sounds more like a student/adult party. Most 3 year olds at parties just want a few crisps, a sandwich triangle , biscuits and cake don't they?

hibbledobble · 21/03/2017 20:52

A dish instead of a gift sounds perfectly fine. I assume the hosts will still be providing some nibbles, but perhaps can't afford to cater for everyone.

I don't see why it is less hygienic than the hosts catering.

Sweets101 · 21/03/2017 20:53

Ahh i think that sounds lovely! Hardly grabby when they are asking for that instead of food, maybe they just don't want more crap!
If you are worried about the hygiene prob best you don't eat in other people's houses i suppose.
Send your child with a lunch box or something.

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 · 21/03/2017 20:53

As long as she hasn't got a list up at M & S food hall!

Starlight2345 · 21/03/2017 20:53

If they had said dish and gift maybe grabby ...

I have seen many threads on here not wanting the cheap plastic tat...

However my DS loved the plastic tat.

chanie44 · 21/03/2017 20:54

I think it's a nice idea. At that age, my children were overrun with toys and didn't understand the concept of presents.

GoodnightSeattle · 21/03/2017 20:54

Dish instead of gift sounds perfectly reasonable! From what I understand it's common in American culture, called a pot luck?

beachbodyunready · 21/03/2017 20:56

Strange way of catering for a party, definitely not something I'd be keen to attend.

CigarsofthePharoahs · 21/03/2017 20:57

Given that its bring some food instead of a gift I don't think its that bad an idea. After all, a pack of sausage rolls etc is bound to be cheaper than the latest must have toys.
Also it means you can bring something you know your child will actually eat.

SaucyJack · 21/03/2017 20:57

Ugh.

Don't forget your tambourine just in case you finish up with a rousing chorus of Kumbaya.

HaveCourageAndBeKind · 21/03/2017 21:00

We were invited to a party like this recently and it was absolutely lovely. We all just brought one thing (we took chocolate Grin ) and the hosts still provided the vast majority. They had no gifts as they really didn't want them. It ended up more of a play date than a party but a really lovely afternoon.
I'm not sure what your problem is, how is asking for a dish grabby but asking for a gift OK? Confused

AntiHop · 21/03/2017 21:00

I asked for a dish instead of a gift for my dd's first birthday. After 9 months of maternity leave, money was tight. It was really nice. We had a picnic.

1horatio · 21/03/2017 21:14

Why would the hosts's food be more hygienic?

This is something I personally associatewith student parties/potlucks etc...
But it doesn't seem bad.

The point of a birthday party is to celebrate a birthday. Presents are common but not actually needed, righ?
Plus, if most of the gifts are knick-knacks that end up lying around anyway?

JonesyAndTheSalad · 21/03/2017 21:17

This is very common in Australia where I now live. People do it because food here is expensive and there seem to be a TONNE of kids with allergies and intolerances here. Sometimes it's just easier.

LucyFuckingPevensie · 21/03/2017 21:20

Meh, it's not the sort of thing I would do tbh, but it wouldn't put me off going. I would just take some sausage rolls or summat.

PippiLongstromp · 21/03/2017 21:25

What- and no presents for the 3 year old?! Will they do that next year as well? And the year after? I feel sorry for the kid.

Ohyesiam · 21/03/2017 21:26

I've been to many parties, and two weddings that were bring food to share, but not a kids party I must say.
Maybe they ate freed up with having a house full of plastic crap, so don't want gifts.

Ohyesiam · 21/03/2017 21:27

Are fed up

expatinscotland · 21/03/2017 21:28

Unclench! They're asking for bring and share, not £50. Hygiene? WTF, are you living in a place with no running water or soap?

SuperFlyHigh · 21/03/2017 21:30

It's not the norm but just bring cupcakes, cornflake cakes or jelly and ice cream!

sounds quite refreshing to be honest rather than a gift.

ComtesseDeSpair · 21/03/2017 21:30

I think it's a great alternative to a pile of £5 presents which most people don't put a lot of thought into, and the hosts are probably hoping that if everyone brings something they know their own child will eat, everyone will be able to at least eat something.

By the time a bunch of three-year-olds have rummaged about in the bowl of crisps and fingered all the sandwiches, I don't think their provenence has any bearing on hygiene. Anyway, if you let your DC attend parties and eat at other people's houses, you're trusting their food prep - no different to them bringing a dish.

harderandharder2breathe · 21/03/2017 21:31

It's not grabby if it's instead of a present!

Surely most people will bring something shop bought for children of that age? Maybe homemade fairy cakes and sandwiches but most things bought. Why would you trust the hosts hygiene but not the other parents? So don't use hygiene as an excuse! Plus it's a party for small children, their grubby little hands will be all over the food soon enough and they all share germs anyway

irregularegular · 21/03/2017 21:33

I think it's quite a nice idea. At that age they don't really appreciate lots of gifts. Given they've said no gifts I think it is absolutely fine and not grabby. Sounds like a nice relaxed party.

Hygiene??? Don't understand that one...

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