To think party tea should be provided by the host not the guests?

[fourteenlittleducks]

Or is this a thing now?

Friend's child turning 3. Invitation says to bring a dish instead of a gift.

I've never been to a party where food isn't provided by the host! It seems grabby to get your guests to bring the food with them. The point of birthday gifts is for the child's pleasure, not to save parents the expense of catering!

And I'm dubious about the hygiene aspect.

Or am I just being old fashioned?

What if all the guests take the same dish?

Is the host specifying what to bring?

Your poor kids. So much joy to be had in cakes from fete stalls, eating out, BBQs. It's awful to deny them because of germ terrors.

Seriously, have a word with your GP.

Why are you assuming that all children will not want/enjoy their presents, but they will all enjoy a pasta salad? If there are 26 bowls of haribo/party rings I seriously doubt the 3 year olds will be fighting over the pasta salad

Presumably the person hosting knows whether or not their 3 year old needs loads of presents (mine got sick of opening all their presents at that age) or whether they'd prefer to have a nice party which their parents can't afford to cater. Most kid birthday parties have a mixture of savoury and sweet, their parents try to get a cucumber and a sandwich down before they pig out on hairbo etc. Same deal for this party. I very much doubt a 3 year old party is going to go on all day so if there's nothing you want your kid to eat then hey ho that happens at birthday parties sometimes.

People seem far too concerned with everybody having things the way they feel they "should be". No one going to this party is being expected to spend any more time or money than they would otherwise so there's no problem. It doesn't matter if it isn't the way you would do it or the way it's normally done it sounds perfectly nice.

Why not ambo? Surely that would be raising a child with a real sense of community, not as an afterthought/optional add on.

Seaside village close by to here, a young woman wanted to get married on the (stunning) beach. Whole community turned out for beach clean-up, whole community was invited along. My friend who is from there, says a big part of the (substantial) community spirit there is down to the fact that open parties, from kid's birthdays to summer barbecues are a massive thing.

It might never 30 dishes/kids but I expect the parents will be staying

You sound like a snob and shouldn't go!!

When you go to a party when you bring a dish you bring enough to serve a few people, not every single guest; people can pick and choose what they want to eat and there's usually a fair bit of overlap. For a party with 30 attendees I'd make something that would allow for 8-10 full-size helpings, as there's a lot of choice people will have a small helping, some people might just want a taste, others might not want any of it. At least that is how it works here in France.

This is the weirdest bit about this thread. Your children aren't allowed any bought food, no restaurants, no kids parties, no takeaway, nothing?

We eat out a lot (restaurants, cafes, coffee shops) and occasionally have takeaway. Commercial kitchens are inspected by environmental health and given hygiene ratings. Staff are trained in safe food handling. I know it doesn't eliminate the risk of food poisoning but it reduces it significantly. Very different to a stranger's kitchen, where food could be out of date, left out of fridge all day, contaminated by pets, dirty utensils etc.

Just doesn't seem worth the risk.

I wouldn't buy food from an unregulated market stall, baked goods from unlicensed kitchen, anything homemade from a fete. Happy to eat food made by close friends and family.

Interesting to get different POVs.

A child's birthday party isn't a community event. You're inviting people to celebrate your child's special day. To me that means feeding your guests, the same way you would at a wedding, bar mitzvah, naming ceremony. 'Breaking bread' means eating together, not everyone chipping in to supply the food!

I think it's a bit odd to ask for food for the children's party, but not grabby.

The if if was in a community hall, free for all, casual birthday-cum-anything party then I wouldn't have a problem with it. I regularly go to potluck type things, always offer to bring something etc but I do have issue with the dish-instead-of-present. That to me implies that your admission to the party is dependent on you bringing something, which to me is categorically against the community coming together notion.

I suppose how it was worded makes a difference to me, if it was literally " dish instead of present please" that is different to "if you would like to bring a dish it would be appreciated rather than a present as we want to bring everything together".

OP. Just don't let your kids attend. You clearly have lots of hangups.

In my line of work I've seen lots of kitchens of people from a wide variety of backgrounds. I'm still very comfortable with other parents providing food because most people actually do have a good idea of basic cleanliness. The parents that like cooking will provide something nice and the ones that don't will offer something readymade.

It's like going back in time to when celebrations were more about just being together and less about materialism.

My first thought is, that they could be on a very tight budget, I would bring a dish and a present for the little on.

OP you seem to have a very fixed opinion of how things should be. It might be fun to think out of the box sometime

'Breaking bread' means eating together, not everyone chipping in to supply the food!

I don't think there's an actual law about that. In this case the hosts want to have a shared-food party. Is that so outrageous/hard to get your head round? Maybe they can't really afford to feed people but would still like to have their/their child's friends there? Or maybe they just feel it's the nicest way to 'celebrate their child's special day'?

TBH I don't think you should go if you think sharing food is weird; I wouldn't want friends who thought that or begrudged me asking people to bring food to share; nor would I want people as friends who assumed that my kitchen/food prep was going to give people food poisoning.

Maybe they just feel it's the nicest way to 'celebrate their child's special day'?
What does that mean, exactly?
It's nicer to have the guests bringing the food than providing it yourself? Nicer for the "hosts", certainly.

I'm dubious about the hygiene aspect?

Don't you ever eat at other people's houses?

Just doesn't seem worth the risk

Neither I nor either of my teenage children have ever had anything resembling food poisoning. Except me once in Mexico nearly 20 years ago. We've enjoyed eating anything anywhere, within reason. Street food, school fetes, pot lucks and all. And I'm relatively relaxed about food storage etc in my own kitchen. Maybe the risk isn't as high as you think? Or maybe can't understand what the benefits to a more carefree approach may be.

I also suspect - though I may be wrong about this - that by being overly careful you build up less immunity, which would increase the risks if you are exposed?

Maybe they just feel it's the nicest way to 'celebrate their child's special day'?

What does that mean, exactly?

I think this might be one of those things that you either just get, or you just don't.

You need to unclunch, OP

Food poisoning can be serious, but it is also pretty rare

If you take the same approach to risk assessing other aspects of their lives, you presumably won't let them get in any car, any swimming pool or walk on any pavement?

You're inviting people to celebrate your child's special day. To me that means feeding your guests, the same way you would at a wedding, bar mitzvah, naming ceremony.

Clearly to them it doesn't mean feeding your guests - not everyone has to have the same rigid ideas you do. Lots of people have potluck weddings anyway - my favourite wedding was potluck - much better than the £50 a head catered weddings.

Most people consider "celebrating their child's special day" involves having fun with friends and family - where the food comes from doesn't come into it.

What does that mean, exactly? confused
It's nicer to have the guests bringing the food than providing it yourself? Nicer for the "hosts", certainly

It means having everyone together not having to chose who to invite it puts less pressure on guests - anyone can grab an extra packet of biscuits - it an easy party if parents work full time and just want a gathering - there's less consumerism and tat to fill a house

I quite often do a Christmas party with bring a dish - always variety and very rarely lots of excess!!

People rock up have a nice time and go home the expense and organisation is shared

Maybe they just feel it's the nicest way to 'celebrate their child's special day'?
What does that mean, exactly?
It's nicer to have the guests bringing the food than providing it yourself? Nicer for the "hosts", certainly.*

How miserable and cynical.

I mean it's nice to show a child people making/bringing food for each other and sharing it. It's nice that (presumably) people will bring a range of things, maybe some that are new to the child and/or the parents, which is interesting and fun. It's nice (if money is a concern, and we don't know that it isn't) that the child will be able to have lots of friends to share their birthday with them regardless of the parents' finances.

Also the best thing about bring a dish is that some people who love cooking get to show off their signature dish and those that don't can pick up something cheap and easy.

I do think OP is going to have to unclench at some point. Your kids will be invited to birthday parties hosted by people you don't know well, even if you do know them well it might not be them preparing the food (My SiL did my DD's birthday party food), as they get older they'll go to friend's houses and have food prepared for them by other grubby friends who never wash their hands. They'll probably live to tell the tale.

I never let DC eat cakes from fete stalls, let alone food cooked by strangers.

That is just weird and not normal.

@ ZogsAnon

I LOVE the sound of that wedding I bet it was lovely. I really wish we had thought of that it would have meant we could have had more people. (We would have still supplied the drinks of course!)

I also don't understand why it would be hard to organise if there were any concerns about it ending up with 150 packets of Twiglets and nothing else at the party. You could set up a shared online doc or even just have a sheet of paper where everyone could note what they're bringing and people could change their suggestion based on what other people had already put down.

We don't have the money to cater for big parties and with something like this, we could. Think it's lovely.

I think that's a brilliant idea. My kids' playgroup did that for Christmas one year and we got to try loads of food we've never tried before. I'm still addicted to Marmite sandwiches!