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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh spending when we are trying to save!!!!!

260 replies

Nkelly1 · 05/03/2017 16:15

I realise I probably won't get many sympathies here because our income is high but this is really a problem.

So dh earns £60,000 I earn anything from £20,000 to £30,000 depending on what projects go through and am part time.

We are trying to save for two holidays this year our two week summer holiday and a Caribbean cruise for the family to celebrate an anniversary.

Both these holidays we cost £5000 grand plus and the first one is paid for but we have only saved a grand for the second.

So me and dh have decided to cut back and reduce spending.

So we have reduced eating out (used to eat out once a week) and we also reduced the amount we spend on groceries buying things from Sainsbury's rather than buying everything from Marks or Waitrose. Also the amount we spend buying clothes we are quite fond of a label as a family particularly dh and dss.

So yesterday dh took the teens into London and spent £600 on them eating out and buying things. We have the money but we are supposed to be saving.

When I hear other people on here talk about there expenses it makes me feel so ashamed. I spend hundreds of pounds of food shopping the amount of food we get through. Dh won't step foot in any supermarket below Sainsbury's. I don't have a figure on food but even if I did I would be ashamed to post it.

Aibu

OP posts:
IamRonnieBiggs · 05/03/2017 16:20

Can't save £5k from a £90k income

If either one of you loses a job you are screwed

mickeysminnie · 05/03/2017 16:20

What exactly is your aibu?
Are you unreasonable to expect your husband to adhere to budget restrictions that you ave both agreed to? No, I don't think you are.
Do I think it was necessary to outline how well off you are in order to ask the question, no I don't.

EssentialHummus · 05/03/2017 16:22

I think you need to allocate an amount you each get at the beginning of the week / month for everything, and debit/credit cards stay at home. Once the money's gone, it's gone.

FWIW I think the issue is spontaneous high spending (like the £600 yesterday) rather than an extra £30 for shopping at Sainsbo's rather than Aldi (though I really rate the latter). And clothes - unless there is an actual need, declare a moratorium on clothes buying.

SheldonsSpot · 05/03/2017 16:24

Meh... it's not like he's spent the gas and electricity money.

If you don't manage to save then you don't pay off your holiday and you don't go. No biggie.

FoodGloriousFud · 05/03/2017 16:26

Oh get a grip!! More than anything I'd be massively concerned that you couldn't save 5k when you earn that amount.

BarbaraofSeville · 05/03/2017 16:27

How much is the Carribean cruise. What will happen if you don't save enough money in time? Do you need spending money on top?

Do you have a plan? Eg we need to save £x per month in order to save for the holidays? Can you put this money aside as soon as you get paid so it can't be spent on other things?

Maybe get him to watch a few episodes of Live Well for Less that's on the BBC at the moment - that features high spending families that need to cut back but like to buy labels, whether it is food or clothes/gadgets. They swap things for cheaper brands to demonstrate that expensive doesn't necessarily equal better.

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 05/03/2017 16:27

He sounds as spoilt as the children. Perhaps they could try some cheaper brands and see that the world doesn't implode.

imjessie · 05/03/2017 16:29

It's not that high an income especially if you have a large mortgage , 2 lots of car leases etc . Anyways the best way of saving for us is to buy premium bonds as soon as you get paid then you can't get to the money quickly and you may even win enough to cover the holiday !

Birdsbeesandtrees · 05/03/2017 16:29

Do you have any savings ?

BitchQueen90 · 05/03/2017 16:29

Not sure what the AIBU is? If you and your DH specifically agreed to save for something and your DH is spending that money then YANBU to be annoyed. If he won't shop anywhere "less" than Sainsburys and you spend hundreds on food shopping then I don't have much sympathy though. That's your choice.

Original poster
Nkelly1 · 05/03/2017 16:29

He sounds as spoilt as the children. Perhaps they could try some cheaper brands and see that the world doesn't implode.

It isn't my children. Dh will pick out things for them and they will say oh it's nice but I don't need it but he will insist on it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nkelly1 · 05/03/2017 16:31

We have saved up a grand for the holiday, carribean cruise is about 7 grand and we have two grand in other savings we could use.

OP posts:
ShowMePotatoSalad · 05/03/2017 16:32

Well if you can't afford the second holiday you can't afford it. If DH and the kids complain you just say sorry but you spent the funds on food and fancy clothes.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 05/03/2017 16:33

As PP said, do you have any savings at all other than what you are trying to save for a holiday,?

Your DH sounds like a food snob to me, sorry,

DJBaggySmalls · 05/03/2017 16:33

On your income you should have several thousands salted away before you buy anything. Your kids should have funds to see them through Uni.
Your DH is a spendthrift, and money burns a hole in his pocket. I'd be worried. If you had an emergency, what would you do?

ShowMePotatoSalad · 05/03/2017 16:33

Nkelly, they're not your children and it's not your salary. He earns two or three times as much as you depending on your earnings. He can spend £600 on his kids. Is he contributing more to the family holidays? It must be proportionate savings. If he can't afford to contribute enough you don't go on a second holiday.

specialsubject · 05/03/2017 16:33

As pointed out, do you have safety nets? Nothing wrong with spending lots on a high income but anyone can lose a job at any time.

Otherwise - no holiday as not enough cash.

cheminotte · 05/03/2017 16:34

Don't you have proper rainy day savings, eg minimum 3 months salary, preferably 6 months? I'd be more worried about that than the 2nd holiday.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 05/03/2017 16:35

What teenager says to their father who is practically insisting on them getting expensive clothes, "no dad, I don't need this, take me to Primark". Come on OP. That is not how teenagers work.

Original poster
Nkelly1 · 05/03/2017 16:35

Your DH sounds like a food snob to me, sorry,

A food snob definitely.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nkelly1 · 05/03/2017 16:36

What teenager says to their father who is practically insisting on them getting expensive clothes, "no dad, I don't need this, take me to Primark". Come on OP. That is not how teenagers work.

No but the things he points out aren't stuff teenagers wear if you get what I mean he points out stuff he likes for them.

OP posts:
paxillin · 05/03/2017 16:36

We are trying to save for two holidays this year our two week summer holiday and a Caribbean cruise for the family to celebrate an anniversary.

Has this been agreed or is this just a wish of yours? Maybe he doesn't feel as strongly as you do? If it is the teenagers who will not agree to saving, can they be given a choice to come on the family holiday or have their usual spoiling, but then stay with granny during your Caribbean cruise?

Rainydayspending · 05/03/2017 16:40

Not necessarily a food snob. Sainsburys don't have any higher levels of fresh/ local food. Just more expensive processed options.
Can't you just dd £700 a month on payday off to another account? If he just spends until it's gone. Just do that from now on.

SouthWestmom · 05/03/2017 16:40

Oh god this could be us. £90k income and dreading uni for ds this year.

Mortgage is 1500, debt takes it to 2100 and overall we need 3400 before food and fuel (that's all bills, insurances, council tax etc and kids clubs and childcare).

Trouble is dh keeps whatever is left of his salary after paying 2800 to the joint account and I just can't treat him like a baby and give him pocket money. Plus neither of us are any good at saving.

It is what it is op, and it's one of those things where you just go round in circles all the time.

Evereve · 05/03/2017 16:41

Is that gross or net earnings? You don't seem to have much in the way of savings, agreeing with other posters. Do you have a lot of outgoings or debts? Otherwise you're spending an enormous amount on food if that's one of the areas you're looking to make savings.