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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh spending when we are trying to save!!!!!

260 replies

Nkelly1 · 05/03/2017 16:15

I realise I probably won't get many sympathies here because our income is high but this is really a problem.

So dh earns £60,000 I earn anything from £20,000 to £30,000 depending on what projects go through and am part time.

We are trying to save for two holidays this year our two week summer holiday and a Caribbean cruise for the family to celebrate an anniversary.

Both these holidays we cost £5000 grand plus and the first one is paid for but we have only saved a grand for the second.

So me and dh have decided to cut back and reduce spending.

So we have reduced eating out (used to eat out once a week) and we also reduced the amount we spend on groceries buying things from Sainsbury's rather than buying everything from Marks or Waitrose. Also the amount we spend buying clothes we are quite fond of a label as a family particularly dh and dss.

So yesterday dh took the teens into London and spent £600 on them eating out and buying things. We have the money but we are supposed to be saving.

When I hear other people on here talk about there expenses it makes me feel so ashamed. I spend hundreds of pounds of food shopping the amount of food we get through. Dh won't step foot in any supermarket below Sainsbury's. I don't have a figure on food but even if I did I would be ashamed to post it.

Aibu

OP posts:
southall · 05/03/2017 17:19

"The fact that some people think £90k is not a high income."

It is high for a singleton but only comfortable for a family.

For a couple that is about 5K a month after tax.
No child benefit either as one of them is earning 60K.

3K is the basic standard of living for a family these days.

The OP take home 2K a month above that.

They can easily afford the essentials. But when they start buying some of the luxuries of living they are just over broke.

TupperwareTat · 05/03/2017 17:20

It's all relative, whether people take home 90,000 or 19,000 between them.

The point is your outgoings will be more than income, if he doesn't put a lid on it.

TinselTwins · 05/03/2017 17:20

so what if it's as "critical" as people on a strict budget in order to keep a roof overhead, that doesn't mean the OP can't be upset that her DH isn't keeping his side of an agreement.

Serialweightwatcher · 05/03/2017 17:20

I really find it hard to feel sorry for you or your situation - the £600 he spent on a trip out would be more than I can spend in a year on my kids including birthdays.

gluteustothemaximus · 05/03/2017 17:21

I'd be more worried about teaching children about the value of money. £600 in one day on food and things Shock

yorkshapudding · 05/03/2017 17:22

I realise I probably won't get many sympathies here because our income is high but this is really a problem

It really, really isn't.

If your DH agrees to curb your spending for a bit or you can easily save enough for a two foreign holidays. If he won't, I could see how that might be irritating but it simply means you have to restrict yourselves to just one (gasp) holiday abroad this year, which doesn't really constitute a "problem".

TinselTwins · 05/03/2017 17:22

Food snob who likes sainsbury's though Hmm - sainsburys food is lower quality than a lot of iceland/lidl lines, it just costs more.

Foodies don't get fixated by brands.

Can you set up a joint account that you both pay into at payday for your holidays, then whatever is left after bills he can do what he likes with? Set it us as a DD?

Comingupcabbages · 05/03/2017 17:22

I wish that we could ban the phrase 'get a grip' on here.
You should be able to post about income on here without the standard bitter responses.

ExplodedCloud · 05/03/2017 17:23

The second holiday. Who wants to go most? Could you go alone for 2.5K?
If so I'd start meal planning, saving your money and go alone.
It's ridiculous that you aren't saving on that salary. You really are a couple of paychecks away from disaster while he plays Disney Dad. Not sure how you get him to understand that although he earns a good wage he is failing to secure the comforts he likes.

TinselTwins · 05/03/2017 17:24

It really, really isn't.

If your DH agrees to curb your spending for a bit or you can easily save enough for a two foreign holidays. If he won't, I could see how that might be irritating but it simply means you have to restrict yourselves to just one (gasp) holiday abroad this year, which doesn't really constitute a "problem

A DH who agrees/promises one thing, then goes and does the opposite, IS a problem, even if it manifests in ways that aren't life'n'death!

Babbaganush · 05/03/2017 17:25

If they haven't worn the clothes it and you are able to then return anything you can!
Time for a financial reality check for everyone to agree about how to fund the holidays - accept a cut back on spending or don't go.
You sound as though you live on the edge financially, how would you cope with a sudden change?
I recommend watching Eat Well for Less / Shop well for less (both bbc) for some tips.

Crowdblundering · 05/03/2017 17:26

How the hell do you spend £600 on a day out when you are saving?! Shock

We took OH DDs to London last weekend we took a load of food and drink for the car, spent £30 on the train and I treated them to lunch which was £45.

Jessiecat27 · 05/03/2017 17:29

Tell him to live paycheck to paycheck and see if he can deal with it for a few months, you'll save a lot and he'll stop being a spoilt brat and appreciate it more. Any more problems and I'll happily take £5000 off him, the things I'd do for even a caravan weekend away somewhere cheap, not panicking because I can't afford a bill due to sickness from me or partner and not getting paid as much. Literally scraping pennies together at the end of the month for a pint of milk because we live in an area where we get paid pennies and rent etc takes up nearly all of our money.

EastMidsMummy · 05/03/2017 17:32

I think to the average poster on here one holiday a year would be something let alone two and 90K coming in. If you cut down for a month you should have the necessary

How does that work, then?

90K gross means

knackeredinyorkshire · 05/03/2017 17:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nottinghamgal · 05/03/2017 17:35

So can only those on the breadline post on here now?!?

If it's a problem to the OP then it's a problem

ComeOnSpring · 05/03/2017 17:36

#firstworldproblems

TinselTwins · 05/03/2017 17:37

#firstworldproblems

so, the fuck, what?
Isn't most of MN about issues that aren't life'n'death?

gluteustothemaximus · 05/03/2017 17:39

I don't think responses are bitter or jealous. Just a bit shocked at disposable income and no savings on a high income.

DH and I earn a quarter of that, but we still manage to save a bit, spend a bit, and we both pull in the same direction.

£600 in one day, when most of us have that as treat money for the year, pointing that out doesn't mean we're super jealous. It just means we're Shock that the OP has 'problems'.

It's easy to cut back on that income. Not easy to cut back when you're already on the value foods Sad

Cheaper clothes, cheaper food shopping, cheaper holidays. But, none of that will make a difference if you aren't singing off the same hymn sheet.

Maybe set up direct debits for savings? That way the money isn't in your account to spend. Sit down and work it out together, and agree what to do.

Sung · 05/03/2017 17:41

So yesterday dh took the teens into London and spent £600 on them eating out and buying things

Dh won't step foot in any supermarket below Sainsbury's

Both these holidays we cost £5000 grand plus and the first one is paid for but we have only saved a grand for the second.

These three things don't sit comfortably together with a joint income of £80-90K a year, very low savings and teenagers to support (now and in setting them up in adult life).

I think you both need to stop thinking of £60K a year as a high income - it is a good income but not enough to support this kind of spending. I am most shocked about 2 expensive holidays in a year when you have such a small amount of savings.

Your husband is verging on ridiculous with the Sainsbury comment.

Anyway, YANBU to be concerned - hope you manage to turn it round and convince your DH to curb his spending!

TinselTwins · 05/03/2017 17:45

I don't think responses are bitter or jealous. Just a bit shocked at disposable income and no savings on a high income

Why? Being shit with money isn't relative to income!

If money burns a hole in your pocket, it'll do so no matter what you earn.

People who earn a lot more than the OP and her DH fuck up frequently! See celebs who don't save for their tax bill for examples!

EastMidsMummy · 05/03/2017 17:45

£600 in one day, when most of us have that as treat money for the year, pointing that out doesn't mean we're super jealous. It just means we're shock that the OP has 'problems'.

But she has that problem because her husband spent the money against her wishes. That's exactly the problem!

PNGirl · 05/03/2017 17:45

Is he a competitive person keeping up with a load of high-spending wanky-brand-obsessed colleagues? I know people who spend like this on that income but have also paid off their mortgages long ago.

eurochick · 05/03/2017 17:49

I agree with the poster who suggested that you are thinking of 90k as a higher income than it really is. You are spending like you are bringing in far more. Most of my social circle has a significantly higher family income than that and I can't think of any of them spending 600 quid on a day out or 10k on holidays on a year.

Why don't you work out what your monthly bills and typical food spend would be and add it all up. I bet you will be shocked at how little of your net income is left each month.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 05/03/2017 17:49

How about setting up a monthly allowance for the teens and that is theirs to spend how they like on branded/cheaper clothing but that is all they have? Would that work and the you can add that into a monthly budget?