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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh spending when we are trying to save!!!!!

260 replies

Nkelly1 · 05/03/2017 16:15

I realise I probably won't get many sympathies here because our income is high but this is really a problem.

So dh earns £60,000 I earn anything from £20,000 to £30,000 depending on what projects go through and am part time.

We are trying to save for two holidays this year our two week summer holiday and a Caribbean cruise for the family to celebrate an anniversary.

Both these holidays we cost £5000 grand plus and the first one is paid for but we have only saved a grand for the second.

So me and dh have decided to cut back and reduce spending.

So we have reduced eating out (used to eat out once a week) and we also reduced the amount we spend on groceries buying things from Sainsbury's rather than buying everything from Marks or Waitrose. Also the amount we spend buying clothes we are quite fond of a label as a family particularly dh and dss.

So yesterday dh took the teens into London and spent £600 on them eating out and buying things. We have the money but we are supposed to be saving.

When I hear other people on here talk about there expenses it makes me feel so ashamed. I spend hundreds of pounds of food shopping the amount of food we get through. Dh won't step foot in any supermarket below Sainsbury's. I don't have a figure on food but even if I did I would be ashamed to post it.

Aibu

OP posts:
honeylulu · 05/03/2017 22:13

Gosh, the agony of having to decide on one cruise or two.

BakerBear · 05/03/2017 22:17

How come you have no savings if there is no mortgage or childcare costs?

BarbaraofSeville · 05/03/2017 22:18

In no world is £200 pm on hair and nails 'not that much'. That's the food budget to a lot of families, with precisely zero left over for hair and nails.

wobblywonderwoman · 05/03/2017 22:18

.. Only going to Miami Confused

Look, 600 is stupid money on one day out but if you are paying 200 to colour your hair and paint your nails every four weeks - neither of you are that interested in saving

KeepingitReal2 · 05/03/2017 22:21

So much jealousy on here

Evereve · 05/03/2017 22:22

So the combined 80-90k is before tax.

You can have this Biscuit for free, OP. If true, you're living beyond your means and don't need advice, just take a look at your outgoings. £200 per month on hair and nails and you're berating your DH for spending frivolously! That's ridiculous.

What silly amounts to give the children to spend as they will. My child gets a similar amount of money but it's for gymnastic squad fees and classes. I wouldn't hand it over for clothes and the like. My older teenager has a Saturday job.

sunshineglitterprincess · 05/03/2017 22:23

You have a joint income of 90k, no mortgage and no childcare costs yet are struggling to save money?
I think you need to start a spreadsheet recording every penny you spend.

Only1scoop · 05/03/2017 22:24

It's all sounding rather tacky with all the 'cruises' and 'gel nails' and 'labels' with a distinct lack of savings. It's all a bit like a scene from A Harry Enfield comedy....

Evereve · 05/03/2017 22:25

So much jealousy on here

You don't know anything about the other posters. Our own income is more than the OP's but we're more careful as we run a business and need a safety net.

BarbaraofSeville · 05/03/2017 22:32

No jealously here. £200 pm on hair and nails would be exhausting and tortuous for me. I've never had my nails done and hate the hairdresser so much I don't bother any more and trim my own when it gets a bit tatty.

OP you sound like a perfect candidate for Live Well for Less. I always thought the families on that show were so extreme they were more parody than reality, but you sound just like the families on that show.

Alice212 · 05/03/2017 22:33

omfg
This isn't a problem
And you are both out of touch with reality
The real,problem is there
What if you get sick, can't earn etc and have so little savings?
Bonkers
I don't think it's unreasonable to expect a bit of a hard time on here when you are so well off and your worry is saving for a second holiday!!! Problems do get set in context but this isn't a problem in any context - I mean the holiday bit
But yes your DH needs to spend less if he can do £600 on the DC day out.

Ellisandra · 05/03/2017 22:48

I could easily afford to spend £200 on hair and nails per month, and still go on two holidays a year.
Just getting that out there to avoid accusations of jealousy.

OP... You just can't say that £200 a month on hair and nails "isn't that much". You can't. You can certainly say it's easily spent - but you can't say it isn't that much. That's just offensive.

Viviennemary · 05/03/2017 22:55

People can spend as much as they like on nails, hair, holidays and designer bags. Op either find an evenricher man tto sponge off , cut back on your spending, or find a better paid job yourself would be my suggestions. How cheeky to berate a partner for spending £600 when you're spending £200 on hair and nails. Are they gold plated or something.

WayfaringStranger · 05/03/2017 22:56

You're a hypocrite because you're also continuing with your luxuries. You can't have it all ways.

FunnysInLaJardin · 05/03/2017 23:01

OP, we earns similar and are saving for 2 holidays this year. We shop at Iceland quite a lot and rarely eat out.

We have to be really quite strict otherwise the money would just disappear. I would be Angry if DH spent £600 on a shopping trip. That is really not on!

You need to have a chat and agree what your money is for. Everytime DH or I spend anything we let each other know so we can keep track of what cash we have.

We spent £20 going swimming today and were a bit miffed that it was £10 more than our other local pool Grin

haveacupoftea · 05/03/2017 23:01

Just stop spending money on crap? Get your groceries online off Asda. And yeah as others have said watch Eat Well for Less. They did a quite funny episode with loads of yuppie types claiming they were champagne experts and couldn't be fooled by cheap champagne. After taste tests I think they all preferred Lidl's £4.49 cava (or something very similar). Some things are actually exactly the same eg smart price from concentrate orange juice and extra special hand squeezed valencian clementine juice - literally the same thing in a lot of supermarkets. Lidl toothpaste is 39p and actually better than the brand names because it doesnt contain SLS. And they have a great bakery full of pastries and breads to die for.

See it as a project - you might need these skills one day if DP takes ill (heaven forbid) and you havent got the big salary coming in anymore.

PickAChew · 05/03/2017 23:03

I'm going to assume you've got a great big fuck off London mortgage coming out of that 90K. I'm kind like that.

We're on half that (though mortgage free, atm) and have loads of savings and still buy most of our food from M&S. Unless you spend £500 per week on food, you're probably looking at the wrong place to make big savings in what you spend (if you shop at M&S for more ethical meat etc, then Sainsburys or any other big 4 supermarket is more expensive, anyhow).

There are lots of places where you can find advice on budgeting and I suspect you've already looked at them, anyhow. Your DH and kids clearly haven't, though and want to live in the here and now. It wouldn't be unreasonable to tell DH that unless he can squirrel away £XXXX per month, then that other holiday isn't going to happen. You need to have a talk with the kids about prioritising their expectations, too. I took my teen out for a day he bloody loved, yesterday. Cost £18 in busfare and a tenner in lunch and refreshments. He had such a good day that he was like a pig in shit.

wobblywonderwoman · 05/03/2017 23:03

I am not jealous.. I earn a lot of money and work with people who spend, spend, spend.

But 600 a day and 200 on hair and nails is a personal choice and doesn't warrant a moan because you can't afford a second holiday.

Majorgoodwinschickenbeatstrump · 05/03/2017 23:03

Haha at jealousy Grincrass to say why, but definitely not.

I definitely admire those who are on minimum wage, yet have decent savings and raise their children to have a good work ethic, appreciate things and shower them with love rather than disposable tat. Stupid overspending does not make me jealous in the slightest.

Calling troll 100%

PickAChew · 05/03/2017 23:07

But yeah, the hair and nails is a big luxury that you could cut back on, too. Find a cheaper salon and do your own nails. Even if you halved the cost each month, that's an extra £100 per month.(I spend £33 every 6 weeks on my hair and cut my nails when they annoy me. Mother nature made them a really pretty colour, all by herself.)

PickAChew · 05/03/2017 23:09

No fuck off London mortgage?

Must try harder.

feckitt · 05/03/2017 23:14

This reply has been deleted

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MrsTerryPratchett · 05/03/2017 23:22

If you have teens won't they be at university soon? That will mean much larger expenses.

200 quid a month on hair and nails is ridiculous. Do you have very short hair? Because mine simply doesn't need cut every four weeks. And mine grows very fast and I could afford it and am not jealous.

PickAChew · 05/03/2017 23:22

About 1/3 of the income of someone on 1/3 of what you're collectively on goes on tax and NI, too. You're not particularly hard done by for being a high earner, there. 50K house? £100 pcm council tax. £500K house in same region? £200 pcm council tax. Not exactly proportionate, eh?

We'd gladly pay more for good services for everyone too.

Evereve · 05/03/2017 23:33

No mortgage at all, apparently Grin

Oh are mortgage is paid off as well forgot to add that but only through inheritance.