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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh spending when we are trying to save!!!!!

260 replies

Nkelly1 · 05/03/2017 16:15

I realise I probably won't get many sympathies here because our income is high but this is really a problem.

So dh earns £60,000 I earn anything from £20,000 to £30,000 depending on what projects go through and am part time.

We are trying to save for two holidays this year our two week summer holiday and a Caribbean cruise for the family to celebrate an anniversary.

Both these holidays we cost £5000 grand plus and the first one is paid for but we have only saved a grand for the second.

So me and dh have decided to cut back and reduce spending.

So we have reduced eating out (used to eat out once a week) and we also reduced the amount we spend on groceries buying things from Sainsbury's rather than buying everything from Marks or Waitrose. Also the amount we spend buying clothes we are quite fond of a label as a family particularly dh and dss.

So yesterday dh took the teens into London and spent £600 on them eating out and buying things. We have the money but we are supposed to be saving.

When I hear other people on here talk about there expenses it makes me feel so ashamed. I spend hundreds of pounds of food shopping the amount of food we get through. Dh won't step foot in any supermarket below Sainsbury's. I don't have a figure on food but even if I did I would be ashamed to post it.

Aibu

OP posts:
Aliveinwanderland · 05/03/2017 19:03

I'm always amazing at the people on here that seem to think people who earn a little more have bags of cash lying around!

I would be annoyed too if DH had spent that amount of money when we were meant to be saving!

LakieLady · 05/03/2017 19:11

If my DP spent that sort of money, I'd cut his bloody cards up!

Luckily, he's really rather tight, so we have savings equivalent to 18 months net pay, despite our incomes being less than half the OPs.

But we live in a little house and drive old cars, and have cheap holidays in our old motor home ...

mygorgeousmilo · 05/03/2017 19:13

£600 on a day out, only eats from M&S, but has a grand in savings??!! As PP have said, the salary itself is almost irrelevant in the sense that it's a general situation of being crap with money. Your DH not being on the same page re money will become very frustrating, and you could both end up on the breadline if you don't take a bit more care of your financial situation. What if he loses his job? How will the mortgage be paid? FWIW as soon as we got out of the pits of too many young children financial hell, we saved and saved and saved. We still have holidays and nice things, but without having at least six months worth of salary in savings, I wouldn't be spending £600 on a day out! In fact, I would never spend that on a day out.

Optimist1 · 05/03/2017 19:18

OP, you might have had a more supportive response from us if you'd used less detail in your post - "My DH and I have agreed to cut back on spending to fund a holiday later this year. He went out with the kids for the day and spent approximately 10% of holiday cost. AIBU to be hacked off with him?"

Whatthefoxgoingon · 05/03/2017 19:22

I'll be honest and say our household income is well beyond £90k now, but I clearly remember earning that amount pre children.

It's not enough for a luxurious lifestyle, we wouldn't have spent £10k on holidays on that income, not until we had a good amount of emergency savings. You need to rethink your financial priorities. But it looks more like you are both profligate spenders, it's just that you want to blow it all on holidays and your husband on the kids. Either way, you should rethink if this hand to mouth existence if a good idea, given that your joint salary should be a comfortable amount to keep a good savings buffer.

CarrieMyBag · 05/03/2017 19:33

I agree with posters who said 90k isn't as much as it sounds. YANBU for being annoyed with DH but I think he needs to get a grip on his spending. It is baffling that you have no significant savings on that income.
I am guessing you have very a high mortgage, I think you should max out your mortgage payment for the year and delay your second holiday. Then you can have a more guilt free holiday, and it would be a lot easier to save for that holiday as well. You'll be surprised how much you can save by overpaying your mortgage. That amount could go into your next holiday's piggy bank.

Majorgoodwinschickenbeatstrump · 05/03/2017 19:43

Where is OP?

lovetonamechange · 05/03/2017 19:50

Wow can't believe you can't just pay for those holidays on that salary. Maybe you should be saving and not spending it on holidays.

Fruu · 05/03/2017 20:58

Blimey, I find it incredible when people have so much income but are incapable of saving. We have an income of

Evereve · 05/03/2017 21:09

£600 on a day out, only eats from M&S, but has a grand in savings??!!

That baffled me I must say.

I wonder where the OP went. Didn't return to answer questions. It doesn't ring true I'm afraid.

Topaz0117 · 05/03/2017 21:14

Your post comes across as bragging and incredibly snobby!
Yes your family has money... Well done OP Hmm

ShowMeWhatYouGot · 05/03/2017 21:22

I have more savings then you?

I'm quite young (20's) Our household income is lower then yours, we have a new house, new car, holidays & a toddler, so something's not right.

Peanutandphoenix · 05/03/2017 21:24

Are you being serious right now am so glad you can afford 2 holidays this year because I'll be lucky if I can afford a 4 day coach trip to Scotland this year. If you seriously can't save 5 grand when between you your earning 90 grand a year then you've got problems I earn 12 grand a year and can very easily save up the money that I need for a new flat so you've got no excuse.

FourToTheFloor · 05/03/2017 21:34

show utterly ridiculous post Confused. Do we know what the OPs mortgage is, possible child maintenance, childcare costs. You can't really smugly compare.

Original poster
Nkelly1 · 05/03/2017 21:47

In regards to saving we have £2k in isa and £1k which is for holiday. We don't normally have two holidays we have one but again due to special occasion. We have decided that instead of going on the cruise we will simply go to a Miami for a week. This is cause we are cruising on the first holiday around the med and dh wasn't keen on doing two cruises in a year but he thought it was me who wanted the cruise. This makes it a lot cheaper by about a grand.

In regards to savings we both have pension pots.

Our luxuries

Dh and dss gym £160 monthly
Me : hair, nails £200 monthly
All the kids get about £200 to spend on things like clothes apart from dss who only gets £150 cause his goes on his gym membership.

As far as luxuries go I feel we only live once and I want me kids to have an enjoyable childhood the problem is dh doesn't know when to say no.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nkelly1 · 05/03/2017 21:50

Oh are mortgage is paid off as well forgot to add that but only through inheritance.

I think another problem is dh background is one where money was very abundant so he wants to recreate his child for the dc.

Food is something we have an issue with. I must admit. The weekly shop is marks for some things Waitrose for others and Sainsbury's for the brands. I've been in Aldi and Lidl once and I just hated it same with Asda. Would go Tesco but isn't that the same as Sainsbury's price wise.

OP posts:
Dragongirl10 · 05/03/2017 21:59

How old are your Dcs op?

Original poster
Nkelly1 · 05/03/2017 22:04

They are all in the later teenage years.

OP posts:
Catherinebee85 · 05/03/2017 22:05

You spend £2,400 a year on your hair and nails.

I've lost interest.

I don't see how this is a problem you need to ask other people about. You have plenty of money you just both like to throw it around. It's quite simple.

Original poster
Nkelly1 · 05/03/2017 22:06

Also I want it to be known that I sympathise with the people who are struggling. I am lucky to give me dc what I have. But I don't deserve to be shamed and insulted simply for having a healthy income.

Many posters are right our income is eaten by tax and we pay almost 1/3 of our income in tax which is very annoying.

OP posts:
Birdsbeesandtrees · 05/03/2017 22:07

Gosh your kids get more spending money per month than I do.

I still do think your savings are very low in relation to what you earn and might need - even if you are mortgage free.

Original poster
Nkelly1 · 05/03/2017 22:07

Hair costs £160 cut and highlights and nails cost about £40.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nkelly1 · 05/03/2017 22:08

That isn't that much for hair and nails as I've known people to pay £250.

OP posts:
Birdsbeesandtrees · 05/03/2017 22:09

I'm surprised you hated aldi. I hate Asda with a passion (and it's the only shop near me) but I love Aldi and Waitrose.

Astoria7974 · 05/03/2017 22:10

I think you should just give up on the idea of the 2nd holiday if you're struggling. Holidays aren't essential.

As for the savings issue - I agree that with your earnings and outgoings you really should be saving more. If your dh lost his job you'd be screwed as a family. My dh and I don't earn much more than you & your dh, but we arrange our outgoings so they're comfortable on either salary (his is lower), and we save 100% of the extra. We have fixed direct debit savings and treat them like fixed expenses.