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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh spending when we are trying to save!!!!!

260 replies

Nkelly1 · 05/03/2017 16:15

I realise I probably won't get many sympathies here because our income is high but this is really a problem.

So dh earns £60,000 I earn anything from £20,000 to £30,000 depending on what projects go through and am part time.

We are trying to save for two holidays this year our two week summer holiday and a Caribbean cruise for the family to celebrate an anniversary.

Both these holidays we cost £5000 grand plus and the first one is paid for but we have only saved a grand for the second.

So me and dh have decided to cut back and reduce spending.

So we have reduced eating out (used to eat out once a week) and we also reduced the amount we spend on groceries buying things from Sainsbury's rather than buying everything from Marks or Waitrose. Also the amount we spend buying clothes we are quite fond of a label as a family particularly dh and dss.

So yesterday dh took the teens into London and spent £600 on them eating out and buying things. We have the money but we are supposed to be saving.

When I hear other people on here talk about there expenses it makes me feel so ashamed. I spend hundreds of pounds of food shopping the amount of food we get through. Dh won't step foot in any supermarket below Sainsbury's. I don't have a figure on food but even if I did I would be ashamed to post it.

Aibu

OP posts:
ChatEnOeuf · 05/03/2017 17:50

I think the main problem is that your DH is a) a food snob, and b) unable to curb his spending habits.

DH and I earn similar in total but save substantially more. We could cover a holiday from savings without issue. I'd be worried in your situation what would happen in the event of illness/injury/redundancy.

scorpio1981 · 05/03/2017 17:51

What planet are you on? Ideally all of us should have at least 3 months salary in savings 'just in case'. On your salaries it is inexcusable not to have money saved or being saved every month. You sound like a couple of idiots and snobby ones at that. Get real and start being a whole lot more savvy with your money because if you don't and either of you were made redundant/seriously ill/injured and couldn't work, then what?

TinselTwins · 05/03/2017 17:52

If someone on 12K a year has a partner who promises one thing then does the opposite, they have the same relationship problems as the OP, even if they have more financial problems

Majorgoodwinschickenbeatstrump · 05/03/2017 17:53

Main tip- I think you need to sit down and have a serious word with your husband about finances. He doesn't seem too bothered about a second holiday or else he would be saving. Personally (just a tip) I think you would be better saving money for a rainy day anyway if your money is constantly being frittered. Budgeting no matter what your wage is always a good idea and a good message to model to your children. I still tell my child I don't have enough money for things, she has to wait or that they are just too expensive. There are few things worse than a spoilt child.

Secondly, I think you need to be aware that many people reading this will be on the breadline. They might be deciding whether to spend the little money they have on food/ gas/ school trips or petrol to get to work. I have been in this camp myself in the past (touch wood, not anymore). Obviously this isn't your problem but I think you need to develop an empathy chip and realize to other people your problems will seem ridiculously trivial when they are on the bones of their arse- they will respond accordingly in their responses. Take it from someone who has been in both the rich and poor house- trust me people aren't jealous, just incredulous how simplistic your life seems.

Fairylea · 05/03/2017 17:55

The amount of income you have is irrelevant actually. You need to set a proper budget giving yourselves an amount of spending money after all bills and savings / holidays are accounted for and he needs to stick to it (ha!)

For what it's worth we have a very low family income (dhs full time salary is £16k, I am a full time carer to disabled ds) and I am more of a spender than dh. We pay all income into one account; all bills go out of that and then we both transfer an equal spending amount to our own accounts to spend as we wish.

flownthecoopkiwi · 05/03/2017 17:56

We earn that amount and it's not lots after mortgage, childcare and bills. You need to be on the same page around priories and spending. We don't have overseas holidays currently, trying to keep a large buffer of savings.

NewPuppyMum · 05/03/2017 17:57

People who say they are no good at saving are just being pathetic. If you want to save you can. Every penny adds up.

oblada · 05/03/2017 17:58

90k together with teenagers and depending on where OP lives isn't massively high. It should be comfortable tho. And you should be able to save more! I would not be comfortable spending 10k on holidays with no savings. As others have pointed you rly need to refocus here and have a good chat with the DH and save not just for the holidays but also for a rainy day!

Whohasnickedmyvodka · 05/03/2017 18:02

Omg I'm sorry single parent on benefits try living on £600 a month plus having to pay bedroom tax I so love to go to primark and by something for my kids but can't afford it

yorkshapudding · 05/03/2017 18:02

A DH who agrees/promises one thing, then goes and does the opposite, IS a problem, even if it manifests in ways that aren't life'n'death!

Fair enough. Although I think if that's OP's issue it could easily have been highlighted without going into great detail about their income, only shopping at M&S or Waitrose, designer clothes, Carribean cruises etc etc. The sheer level of detail about material things led me to believe it was the money/holidays that she was really bothered about, not her DH's flakiness.

Ethylred · 05/03/2017 18:02

Did DH actually agree to these holiday ideas?

Either way, whether the money goes on pointless expensive holidays or equally pointless expensive clothes I applaud such whole-hearted commitment to expenditure. Somebody has to keep the economy going.

Viviennemary · 05/03/2017 18:07

You have quite a good income so paying for the holiday shouldn't really be a problem even if your DH did spend £600 on a day out which does seem a bit excessive but he does earn a good salary. No matter how well off you are you still must live within your means.

Ecureuil · 05/03/2017 18:08

I also think you're seeing 90k as a higher income than it is.
We earn just slightly lower than that but certainly can't afford £10k on holidays and £600 on a day trip! We overpay on our mortgage, put money aside for the future and shop in Aldi! My 2 DC are young so don't cost us a huge amount yet, but clothes are from supermarkets usually with the odd Next bit thrown in.
I think you're trying to live a champagne lifestyle on a prosecco budget!
His not sticking to his side of the bargain is an issue, I would have to assume he doesn't want to go on the second holiday.

ElspethFlashman · 05/03/2017 18:10

The only people who should spend 600 quid in a day are Premier League footballers.

It's batshit.

gluteustothemaximus · 05/03/2017 18:24

Why? Being shit with money isn't relative to income!

Of course not, but it is still a shock to understand how people can't manage on such high incomes. Especially celebrities. But point was, not bitter or jealous. Just...Shock

But she has that problem because her husband spent the money against her wishes

I know. That's why I said she needs to sit down with him and agree what to do. Regardless of income, the both need to pull in the same direction with money.

Silentplikebath · 05/03/2017 18:34

My advice is to forget about the second holiday and to think seriously about stashing away a few savings of your own money as you can't rely on DH to do it.

Your DH is doing his DC no favours towards their adult lives because they have no idea about the true value of money or saving. It means that when they go to university they will be unable to budget and expect constant bailouts.

EastMidsMummy · 05/03/2017 18:34

I also think it's a bit off for posters to be so judgemental about how much savings someone has. We don't have anything like three months' income as savings and we earn more than the OP's family.

ShuttyTown · 05/03/2017 18:41

Poor you Biscuit

Majorgoodwinschickenbeatstrump · 05/03/2017 18:45

Yes but EastMidsMummy presumably (a big presumption here) that is because you can't afford to do that rather than just chose not to? Anyone who can should try and save a safety net, we all don't know what tomorrow brings. It makes much better financial sense to get some solid savings together rather than go for a 2nd holiday if it is an option between the two. Might be the very boring option but certainly a better financial one.

Sung · 05/03/2017 18:54

EastMidsMummy - Of course lots of people don't have 3 months income as savings - but it is prudent to save and achieve that goal, if you can, before you start flashing the cash about on 'luxury' spends.

EastMidsMummy · 05/03/2017 18:55

I'm not saying it for sympathy (or biscuits). I'm saying that it's an arbitrary amount dreamed by the savings industry and that it's up to a grown-up to make their own decision about how they spend their money.

But what if you get run over and can't work? Then it was a bad decision.

But what if you get run over an drop dead? Then I'd rather have spent three months salary on a big fuck-off holiday than hoarding it in the bank.

RubyGoat · 05/03/2017 18:56

Your income is irrelevant. (And yes, I am jealous of it; we have a fraction of your income but that's also irrelevant.) The point is, how does he justify his reckless spending? And it is his spending. His kids aren't spending the money, he is. How does he propose to support them through uni, if they choose to go - with your household income I suspect they'll get very little other financial support. You say they are already teenagers? And you say you have a couple of thousand in savings - I am already putting money in an account for DD, she won't get it till she's 18, she's currently 4 & I'm on a little bit above NMW. My DH is a full time uni student; he does get full funding but trust me even that doesn't go far. It's less than my wage...

Your DH needs to grow a pair & decide on his priorities. He needs to stop trying to buy his kids love.

Comingupcabbages · 05/03/2017 18:58

Comingup - 'get a grip' means take stock of things and regain control - it's not an expression of bitterness. OP is in a high earning household and has the opportunity to love a wonderfully fulfilling, debt free, luxurious life

I disagree actually, it's a pointless, mealy mouthed and unhelpful phrase.

It's 90k not 900k. Maybe there should be something in the guidelines about salary levels that are able to be discussed?

I find it quite reassuring that there are posters on reasonable incomes that are crap with money too.
I am bored of the competitive poverty threads.

Aliveinwanderland · 05/03/2017 19:00

We have a similar income (£45k each) but saving £5k would not be as easy as other posters have made out! By the time our mortgage is paid, bills are done and cars are paid for there isn't an awful lot left each month! We were trying to save £1k a month to top us up whilst I'm on maternity. Once I'm back at work (part time) my income will take a hit and we will have childcare costs so we have to readdress our spending as there will be less available.

bunnylove99 · 05/03/2017 19:02

OP. It does sound like your DH is overspending and understandably this is frustrating for you when you are trying to save for the holiday. I am guessing perhaps he splurges on his kids when it's just not necessary - perhaps through guilt if he does nt see them much? (Just guessing). I think you need to discuss a budget with him and make him stick to it or warn him there will be no holiday!