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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask friend to childproof her house

346 replies

Jakarty · 25/02/2017 05:51

Best friend is 30. Never married, no kids ando lives on her own. Her flat is absolutely gorgeous- beautiful furniture, fancy candles, ornaments, lamps.

Problem: I pop over about once a week (she also comes to mine) with 2.5yo DD. DD naturally goes to pick up items out on display. DF never gets annoyed or tells her off but I can feel her tensing whenever DD touches a candle or ornament and I feel constantly on edge in case she breaks something! Plus there is also the choking hazard which I don't think she has considered. Also she had one of those adult colouring books which DD spotted the other day and wanted to use. Friend said no as it's 'for adults ' and DD had a massive tantrum! She can't understand why a colouring book is not for her.

I was thinking that I could ask her if she can just put all these things away if we are coming over so that a) her things don't get ruined and b) DD is safe and happy and I can relax with my coffee. Is that U? It's only for a few hours once a week.
Friend is lovely in other ways, not usually inconsiderate

OP posts:

harrypotternerd · 25/02/2017 05:59

its her house. She doesnt have kids and you are expecting her to move things around in her own home because you dont want to supervise your child. I have friends who dont have kids and i just watch my kids when we are at their house. either just watch her or ask her to meet at yours. just because you have a child doesnt mean you can tell other people what to do in their own house. You are being very very unreasonable

selsigfach · 25/02/2017 06:00

Yabu, you need to take responsibility for your own child and stop her from picking up your friend's things. Bring some toys with you that your daughter can play with.

Procrastination4 · 25/02/2017 06:02

My gut feeling is that you shouldn't ask her to put away her things. Instead you need to bring things with you that will distract your daughter-perhaps you could put together a simple box of play materials that she only uses when she goes to your friend's house, so that they will be a novelty? Of course, in "ye olden days" you could have brought a mobile playpen with you and that would have kept your daughter safe and out of reach of fragile things, and would have also allowed yourself and your friend relax!

sonyaya · 25/02/2017 06:04

YABU. "Inconsiderate"? For having her home how she wants it? Your child is not her responsibility.

BottomlyP0tts · 25/02/2017 06:04

YABU part of parenting train your child. Have a special back pack or bag with colouring book, toys, and any other thing you can think of that your child can only play with then they are at your friends house. Make it special and exciting "ohh look you can have your treat bag when we get to DFs house!" Praise praise praise them for playing with their toys.

I love the phrase "house proof the baby not baby proof the house"

quarkinstockcubes · 25/02/2017 06:06

YABVU to think that she is being inconsiderate. You go over once a week at most for a few hours and you expect her to babyproof? I get that it is an inconvenience to you having to constantly watch her, but you are her parent so it is your job. Your dd needs to know from now that she can't have everything she wants. I had a friend over with a toddler recently who made very snide remarks when I told her dd that she wasn't allowed to use something (I offered a similar alternative)

SuperBeagle · 25/02/2017 06:09

YABU. It's your job to keep an eye on your child, and to teach them that not everything is theirs (and that they can't put everything in their mouth... surely by 2.5 they know this?)

Your friend is not being inconsiderate to have her house as she likes it.

MidniteScribbler · 25/02/2017 06:11

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 25/02/2017 06:11

Yabu, it's up to your friend how she has her house, she is not being inconsiderate by having her house as she wishes, that's her right and she is living her life.

You need to manage your dd's behaviour or meet elsewhere. It is a pain when children want to touch everything and you can't relax but it's a brief stage really and until it's over, just meet somewhere that you feel is safe for your dd and more relaxing for you. The onus is on you to manage it, not to expect other people to fix it for you.

HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 25/02/2017 06:13

I felt tense just reading your description of your toddler trying to pick up her ornaments!

I don't think it is inevitable that a toddler would pick them up though, my 2.5 year old would follow instructions not to, although would probably be quite bored without anything to do - have you tried bringing a sticker book, a colouring book etc? She might be feeling bored whilst you are chatting. My 2.5 year old would be bored with no toys and no other children if I was busy talking, and when she is bored she might start attention seeking behavior.

Either suggest meeting at yours until your daughter is a bit older.
Or when you arrive say cheerfully "is it OK if I pop these out of reach whilst we are here?". I have done that with friends before.
Or (with your friend's agreement) let your daughter explore her ornaments in a safe way, eg holding one at a time whilst sitting on a rug.

Maybe you need to meet in a more child friendly environment now your daughter is older? I usually meet childless friends in a playground as then we can talk whilst my DC have plenty to do and don't overhear our conversation!

Stopandlook · 25/02/2017 06:14

As everyone else says! YABVU.

Bring your own colouring next time?

PokemonLidCup · 25/02/2017 06:15

Yabu - you need to watch your little one, its good for them to learn different ways.

Mol1628 · 25/02/2017 06:19

YABVU.

AlcoholicsUnanimous · 25/02/2017 06:19

YABU. You wouldn't expect a restaurant or shop to be child proofed for your visit, would you? As others say, take things to occupy your child, teach her not to touch ornaments and meet at yours/ in a park.

VintagePerfumista · 25/02/2017 06:20

I had a friend round in January with her 2 yr old. After he had nearly pulled the telly onto the floor for about the 10th time, I started telling him to stop, seeing as his mother clearly wasn't going to.

YABU, as others have said. He's your responsibility, not your friends.

VintagePerfumista · 25/02/2017 06:22

PS Your friend isn't inconsiderate, and the fact she has no children is irrelevant. I do but I don't want other people's wrecking my house ta muchly, and when I take mine out, I keep an eye on them.

Paninotogo · 25/02/2017 06:23

This is a reverse. I hate reverses. YABVVVVVU for doing a reverse, especially one so dull.

eddielizzard · 25/02/2017 06:23

you've probably got the message by now

bring stuff to occupy her
put stuff out of reach yourself, and put it back on your way out

Pinotwoman82 · 25/02/2017 06:24

Why don't you stop going to hers until she is that little bit older? She is probably bored, if you stayed at yours it would probably be easier, or suggest to meet at park / play area?

quarkinstockcubes · 25/02/2017 06:26

Pan why are you convinced it's a reverse? There are people who think like this, you must be one of the fortunate ones who don't have a friend lie this!

TheWitTank · 25/02/2017 06:29

YABVU to consider her inconsiderate. Like mentioned upthread, take a box/bag of bits and bobs to keep your DD entertained (stuff that doesn't come out often preferably so it's interesting). My granny has a living room full of beautiful and delicate (and expensive!) ornaments and china tea sets and glassware. When my two were little they would make a beeline for these things immediately, so I made sure I was well prepared with snacks, drinks, a new kids magazine each and paper and pencils and planted myself firmly between the precious stuff and their grubby little mitts . There was no way I was asking my gran to clear her shelves every week. Yes, it's a bit of a ball ache being prepared and having to leap up to get DD if she ventures that way, but you know you are being unreasonable to expect DF to change her home around everytime you come over right?

AnnieAnoniMouse · 25/02/2017 06:30

0/10

HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 25/02/2017 06:30

It sounds like your friend would be relieved if you suggested meeting somewhere else.

What do you want your dd to do during coffee? Do you bring plenty to entertain her?

If she is just too tempted by stuff out her reach you will just have to meet elsewhere

EmzDisco · 25/02/2017 06:37

I wouldn't say your friend is inconsiderate. I would have been like your friend before I had my now 18mo, just because I wouldn't have really understood how little children work! I've quickly realised that obviously toddlers don't innately know what's a toy and what's an ornament, you can teach them, but it takes time and there will be upset along the way as it's bound to be frustrating when a small person can see all these fascinating things and repeatedly told they cannot explore them. It's a natural urge they have, generally it's a positive thing! In my own home I've made it so she can explore the world around her without being told no all the time.

If your friend is lovely could you say something like "DD is in a bit of an exploratory phase at the moment, would you mind if we popped your lovely things in the kitchen out of the way of temptation? Then we can relax and chat and so can she?" I really wouldn't mind at all if a friend had said that to me, I'd have said "yes, good idea!"

Unless it's that her house has so much of this stuff in reach you'd have to move 50 things, in which case I'd suggest meeting at yours until your DD is abbot bigger!

BottomlyP0tts · 25/02/2017 06:40

Come on OP

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