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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask friend to childproof her house

346 replies

Jakarty · 25/02/2017 05:51

Best friend is 30. Never married, no kids ando lives on her own. Her flat is absolutely gorgeous- beautiful furniture, fancy candles, ornaments, lamps.

Problem: I pop over about once a week (she also comes to mine) with 2.5yo DD. DD naturally goes to pick up items out on display. DF never gets annoyed or tells her off but I can feel her tensing whenever DD touches a candle or ornament and I feel constantly on edge in case she breaks something! Plus there is also the choking hazard which I don't think she has considered. Also she had one of those adult colouring books which DD spotted the other day and wanted to use. Friend said no as it's 'for adults ' and DD had a massive tantrum! She can't understand why a colouring book is not for her.

I was thinking that I could ask her if she can just put all these things away if we are coming over so that a) her things don't get ruined and b) DD is safe and happy and I can relax with my coffee. Is that U? It's only for a few hours once a week.
Friend is lovely in other ways, not usually inconsiderate Confused

OP posts:
elodie2000 · 25/02/2017 07:34

I was thinking that I could ask her if she can just put all these things away if we are coming over so that a) her things don't get ruined and b) DD is safe and happy and I can relax with my coffee.

'Relax with my coffee' ? You have a 2 year old ... they don't entertain themselves OP. Your friend could clear out her entire home & your child would still find something to 'play with' if you don't occupy her!

GahBuggerit · 25/02/2017 07:36

What? Are you kidding?

gamerwidow · 25/02/2017 07:39

Are you seriously saying you see your friend tensing everytime your Dd touches a ornament but instead of watching Dd and stopping her everytime she approaches something you think it's your friends fault? She has been remarkably patient just to tense and not say anything to you.

Ponderingprivately · 25/02/2017 07:42

Yabu how is your friend inconsiderate?
You need to bring toys and colouring books for you dd to keep her occupied.
Or you should suggest meeting your friend outside the house so your dd doesn't touch her things.

PlumsGalore · 25/02/2017 07:42

Nah, a wind up.

Sweets101 · 25/02/2017 07:43

Have you been reading the shoe thread OP....? Hmm

NoMudNoLotus · 25/02/2017 07:46

Watching with interest ...

NotAPuffin · 25/02/2017 07:47

You can't relax with a coffee, you need to parent your child. She isn't your friends responsibility!

Monkeypuzzle32 · 25/02/2017 07:47

What's a reverse?

TataEsNC · 25/02/2017 07:48

you are obviously good friends, tell her.
'your house is lovely but i often feel nervous dd will break something, would u mind if i put x up here for now?'
or
'your house is lovely but i often feel nervous dd will break something, would u mind coming to ours instead?'

it is hard cos kids, well my kids, would not sit and play with the toys i brought as they'd want to explore so i spent to whole time saying 'don't touch that etc' and then don't really get to talk to my friend cos my focus is on the toddler.

it's not unreasonable to talk about it, it's unreasonable to expect her to provide the solution tho.

CactusFred · 25/02/2017 08:00

YABVVVU

You look after your own kid!

Friolero · 25/02/2017 08:00

I don't think this is a reverse, but you're being extremely pfb. Your friend should not have to change anything in her flat, you need to watch your child.

MrsKoala · 25/02/2017 08:03

You will get loads of people posting saying how easy it is to supervise and distract your toddler and to teach them not to touch things, because they could with theirs. But i think the truth is there is an age/stage where going out with certain children is just fucking miserable. Neither of my dss could not touch things when out. Regardless of what distractions i brought along. I would have to hold them in a straight jacket hold while they kicked and screamed. I just accepted i couldn't go for a while.

It depends entirely on your relationship with your friend.. My parents have lots of knick knacks and valuable things and dogs bowls, wine racks etc. So i had to say that we wouldn't visit till the children were older unless they moved them as everyone was finding visits stressful.

Beebeeeight · 25/02/2017 08:17

Arrange to meet elsewhere or when you don't have DD with you.

puttingbbts · 25/02/2017 08:20

I hate reverse posts (and ones from cats and baby's) this can't be a non reverse though?

Chinnygirl · 25/02/2017 08:21

Ugh. I hate reading a reverse. Just ask your question.

EdenX · 25/02/2017 08:23

One of my toddlers I could have brought a bag of toys and told him not to touch the ornaments and relaxed with my coffee.

The other one I'd have had to watch constantly and it wouldn't have been fun for anyone.

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 25/02/2017 08:23

Look on these visits as an opportunity to help your child not to touch things she shouldn't, and to help her to learn boundaries. Most places (apart from our own homes and friends/family with kids have homes) aren't baby proof.
I don't think your friend is being inconsiderate, I think that you are putting the responsibility on to her, when actually it's your responsibility to make sure your DD doesn't touch your friend's things iyswim.

rightsofwomen · 25/02/2017 08:24

I know my good friend would not mind at all if I politely asked if I could put precious things out of reach of my toddler. With the best supervision in the world a toddler can be quick!

Also I'd like to think my friend wants to chat with me and I can't do that if I'm focussed entirely on a toddler.

I absolutely would not expect her to do anything to her home and would not consider her inconsiderate, but as friends we can talk openly and feel comfortable with each other
It's really not that hard.

Aeroflotgirl · 25/02/2017 08:26

Yabvu, its her house, and she can have it the way she wants, if its stressful, meet at your house or outside. Go to hers once your daughter goes to preschool.

Hgmother · 25/02/2017 08:27

Teach your dd not to touch. Mine is the same age and that was the first thing i taught her in regars to other peoples houses.

PointxTaken · 25/02/2017 08:28

Reverse or not, I am amazed by any friend who still puts up with such an entitled or possibly not very bright mother

And what does the age of the friend has anything to do with anything?

nimportenawak · 25/02/2017 08:28

YABVU. It's your friend's prerogative to keep her home as she wishes and your responsibility to keep your child out of harm's way.

ememem84 · 25/02/2017 08:28

Yabu. No way would I child proof my house if I didn't have kids. Well I'd make sure anything dangerous was out of the way but I wouldn't move my things just because someone can't parent their kids.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 25/02/2017 08:29

Best friend is 30. Never married

Fancy getting to the advanced age of 30 and never married, the decrepit old shrunken-ovaried hag.

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