Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask friend to childproof her house

346 replies

Jakarty · 25/02/2017 05:51

Best friend is 30. Never married, no kids ando lives on her own. Her flat is absolutely gorgeous- beautiful furniture, fancy candles, ornaments, lamps.

Problem: I pop over about once a week (she also comes to mine) with 2.5yo DD. DD naturally goes to pick up items out on display. DF never gets annoyed or tells her off but I can feel her tensing whenever DD touches a candle or ornament and I feel constantly on edge in case she breaks something! Plus there is also the choking hazard which I don't think she has considered. Also she had one of those adult colouring books which DD spotted the other day and wanted to use. Friend said no as it's 'for adults ' and DD had a massive tantrum! She can't understand why a colouring book is not for her.

I was thinking that I could ask her if she can just put all these things away if we are coming over so that a) her things don't get ruined and b) DD is safe and happy and I can relax with my coffee. Is that U? It's only for a few hours once a week.
Friend is lovely in other ways, not usually inconsiderate Confused

OP posts:
ClothEaredBint · 25/02/2017 10:41

Has she been reading my thread? lol

yabu sorry.

Not sure why people think its a reverse though.

MrsKoala · 25/02/2017 10:41

I actually don't think the op is being entirely U. It is horrible when you can't go anywhere because there is so much exciting stuff for little minds to cope with. I think it's fair enough to say in a non pfb way, 'sorry, its really stressful, can you pop x on a higher shelf when we come over' or 'sorry, we wont come for a little while till y has learned not to touching everything' and then leave the ball in their court whether they say 'oh i'll move it all, i don't mind'.

Depends on how close you are. I really wouldn't care if any of my mates said that to me. In fact i'd feel a bit bad i hadn't been more perceptive.

EggsEleven · 25/02/2017 10:47

Ha, well done OP, this is one of the most self-entitled posts I've read on MN.

Hoping it's a joke Grin

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 25/02/2017 10:49

I think most childfree people, when told to childproof their home (even if it's presented as a 'suggestion' would politely suggest that you don't bring your child over. It's not for her to change the way she lives, it's for you to adapt to that.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 25/02/2017 10:50

This is one of the reasons I don't have people with young children in my home Grin

Blondeshavemorefun · 25/02/2017 10:50

If you can see your friend getting tense then why don't you say no to your dd

Children have to learn there are things they can't have

agree take a small bag of toys /keep them there

With books , colouring stuff , sticklebrick/blocks to build with -, things she wouldn't have at home so special

rightsofwomen · 25/02/2017 10:51

If I have people over with toddlers I have a look around and move stuff and then tell my guest that I am more than happy for them to move anything themselves.

I don't for one minute they're not teaching their child not to touch but just making a visit easier for everyone.

Why wouldn't you?

Bantanddec · 25/02/2017 10:54

This is a wind up! Get a life op!

llangennith · 25/02/2017 10:57

Arrange to meet up somewhere child friendly. Must be very boring for your DD.

MTB1003 · 25/02/2017 11:02

When I read things like this I think people like you need a slap or something. Honestly cannot believe the audacity and entitlement some people have. Have your friend over to yours until your child is old enough to learn not to touch.

BillSykesDog · 25/02/2017 11:02

I think it's genuine.

Clarence81 · 25/02/2017 11:14

So teaching children to leave things alone takes effort.....you clearly can't be bothered. Putting things away avoids the situation because you can't be bothered, so doesn't teach your child. It is unreasonable to ask her to come to you all the time - again avoiding the situation because you can't be bothered. So from this I gathered you can't be bothered to parent. Social skills don't go in via osmosis. It takes effort!

WayfaringStranger · 25/02/2017 11:14

Obviously the OP is being unreasonable but pre children, I would have a quick whip around the place to make sure nothing dangerous was in the reach of small children. Surely this is just basic kindness towards friends (who I like)?

HecateAntaia · 25/02/2017 11:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

babybubblescomingsoon · 25/02/2017 11:19

wow

babybubblescomingsoon · 25/02/2017 11:20

wow

Ohyesiam · 25/02/2017 11:23

Just see her at yours, or a child proof cafe.

Witchend · 25/02/2017 11:24

I do think there are times when it is reasonable to ask and there's times when it's not.

It's also not fair to say "I didn't child proof and just taught my dc not to touch" because it's a different thing teaching your child not to touch something in your house when you're there all the time and going somewhere without much for the child to do occasionally.
And some children are more inclined not to touch if you've told them. I always say with my dc, if I'd said: you are not to go over this line.
Dc1 would have not gone within 3 feet of the line in case she accidently went over it
Dc2 would have gone and stood on the line to see why it was so interesting.
Dc3 would have sprinted to see how far over the line they could get before they were stopped.

If it's one thing that is easy to move, then it's reasonable to ask. Both the parent and the host should feel more relaxed knowing that it out of the way.
If it's lots of things and going to take time then no, suggest you meet elsewhere.

I do get where the OP is coming from. My Pil have a huge coffee table with glass middle (not safety glass, it has shattered on more than one occasion by something as simple as someone putting a mug down on it) and sharp hard corners, they like it in the middle of the main room. When dd1 was beginning to walk I asked if they minded if I pushed it over to one side. They minded. MIL even said "I just taught mine not to touch it".

Now bearing in mind there was main room and kitchen and bedrooms and they wanted dd1 to be on view downstairs this did seem a little unfair, and it was a stress for me I could have done without.

But I wouldn't have asked her to clear the coal fire out before we came in case dd1 decided to play in it, nor did I ask her to move the flower arrangements and ornaments she had on the bottom shelves because it was much more a "teach to don't touch" situation and it would have taken far longer for her.

Mingewithafringe · 25/02/2017 11:27

I'm sure your friend isn't bothered about seeing your DD every week, can't you arrange childcare for her and go to her flat by yourself?

MrsKoala · 25/02/2017 11:29

I think these threads are really ugly. They seem to bring out unnecessary competitive nastiness and smugness in some people.

expatinscotland · 25/02/2017 11:30

I'm with you, Livia. The only thing worse than toddlers and pre-schoolers are parents who are precious about them. Tedious in the extreme. Like reverses.

TheStoic · 25/02/2017 11:32

I wouldn't ask, I just wouldn't visit. She can come to you if she wants to.

expatinscotland · 25/02/2017 11:33

I admit to being nasty about toddlers and pre-schoolers. I detested that stage with my own and find it nigh on intolerable in others, hence, I avoid those with toddlers and pre-schoolers.

TheStoic · 25/02/2017 11:40

Toddlers are hard work.

I'd make as easy as possible for my guests with toddlers, if I wanted them to have a nice time in my home.

blowmybarnacles · 25/02/2017 11:42

Friend has plenty of time to get married. She sounds amazing spending any precious free time with a toddler - I never would have at that age when never married. Grin

My sister also has beautiful home. She also has a front door that does not close properly unless locked and anybody could open it from the inside leading to a shear drop onto concrete where the steps to her house lead up to her front door. At a family gathering, toddling DD and crawling DNs, she refused to keep the door closed whilst in and out. I kept closing the door and she wasn't happy. We had to leave.