Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 9 10 11 12 13 14

Original poster

To ask friend to childproof her house

346 replies

Jakarty · 25/02/2017 05:51

Best friend is 30. Never married, no kids ando lives on her own. Her flat is absolutely gorgeous- beautiful furniture, fancy candles, ornaments, lamps.

Problem: I pop over about once a week (she also comes to mine) with 2.5yo DD. DD naturally goes to pick up items out on display. DF never gets annoyed or tells her off but I can feel her tensing whenever DD touches a candle or ornament and I feel constantly on edge in case she breaks something! Plus there is also the choking hazard which I don't think she has considered. Also she had one of those adult colouring books which DD spotted the other day and wanted to use. Friend said no as it's 'for adults ' and DD had a massive tantrum! She can't understand why a colouring book is not for her.

I was thinking that I could ask her if she can just put all these things away if we are coming over so that a) her things don't get ruined and b) DD is safe and happy and I can relax with my coffee. Is that U? It's only for a few hours once a week.
Friend is lovely in other ways, not usually inconsiderate

OP posts:

MrsKoala · 27/02/2017 17:08

good one.

Foldedtshirt · 27/02/2017 17:09

Rtft people! Jakarty admitted swbu incredibly graciously days ago!

Gottagetmoving · 27/02/2017 17:15

Rtft people! Jakarty admitted swbu incredibly graciously days ago!

So people can't discuss the topic?!
You don't have to carry on reading, but don't moan about people who are discussing the issue with each other ffs!

EmpressOfTheSpartacusOceans · 27/02/2017 17:17

I don't see any problem with people discussing the topic, Gotta. I think it's more the ones who immediately have a go at the OP without checking to see whether anything's changed in the past 300+ posts.

Gottagetmoving · 27/02/2017 17:24

I think it's .more the ones who immediately have a go at the OP without checking to see whether anything's changed in the past 300+ posts

I get that, but a lot are discussing the subject. Others can't be bothered reading every post.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 27/02/2017 17:34

Rather than being smug that your child will or won't do what they are told, simple solution is that If you have a child who can't resist the exciting shiny stuff then don't take them round.

That way the homeowner doesn't have to be tense about it and neither does the parent, and child can maraud to his or her heart's content in their own home

EurusHolmesViolin · 27/02/2017 17:55

Could be you don't know anyone who is consistent and committed to teaching their toddler. The toddlers I have known who don't learn it have parents who give up.

That says more about the people you know than anything else.

I agree with your solution generally Livia, but I'm not sure the people who have toddlers who don't respond well to being told not to touch and don't quickly learn not to are being smug about it!

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 27/02/2017 18:34

Only in a 'oh good luck with that, where are these biddable toddlers? my little Tarquin won't listen' kind of a way.

The child is too young to visit people without children - it's not anyone's fault, it's just that until she's of an age that she can sit quietly when visiting, it's better that she isn't taken to the friend's house

EurusHolmesViolin · 27/02/2017 19:05

Doesn't seem a particularly accurate characterisation of the people on the thread explaining why the 'it's called parenting' crowd were talking shite, tbh. The stupid this thread has definitely leaned more towards the latter group rather than the former (I admit it's not always that way). But I agree with you, there are times when toddlers just can't be taken to certain places. The friend has the choice of either putting stuff away or a change in the visiting arrangements. That's how it is sometimes.

MrsKoala · 27/02/2017 20:05

I agree with you Livia. As did the numerous paediatricians, behavioural specialists and 'experts' i have seen regarding my dc behaviour. They all have maintained that (like potty training) if a child isn't ready, they just aren't ready. They also have told me that after a certain amount of constantly saying no it has quite a negative effect on children - to hear no and criticism constantly in relation to behaviours they feel compelled to act out.

I was told to just stop putting my dc and myself thru it. It was cruel and unfair to everyone. That certain children (even those without SEN) cannot cope with not touching or learn at that stage, no matter how many colouring books or toys they are presented with.

Scotslaydee · 27/02/2017 23:12

Omg seriously your asking if we think your friend should babyfy her house for your kid...eh no

Your friend should visit you or you go to hers minus the rug rat

Gottagetmoving · 28/02/2017 09:59

Cannot cope? There are many things you can let them touch. There are some things you have to stop them touching. They don't have to touch EVERYTHING.

MrsKoala · 28/02/2017 10:13

Yes, and they can't cope with not touching something they want to. So the only way to stop them is physical restraint while they kick and scream. Telling no and moving away has not ever worked with my 2 dc. Nothing will distract them. They do not learn. DS1 is 4 and still needs to be removed often.

Gottagetmoving · 28/02/2017 10:20

You just tell them they cannot have that object and move them. Then you can distract them with something else if you have to.
It doesn't matter if they kick and scream. That is anger and frustration which they learn to control. Letting them touch everything because they may kick and scream is ridiculous and teaches them that is what to do to get what they want.
Of course you have to keep doing it. Obviously move stuff in your own house if it is a problem but don't expect other people to move their stuff

MrsKoala · 28/02/2017 10:33

Not sure how much clearer i can type it. They don't get distracted. By anything. When moving away they go limp and kick/bite/scratch me. The moment i let go they run back to whatever it is. I do this till we leave. With them getting increasingly violent. No one having a nice time. No toy or anything will distract them. I never said i let them touch the thing. I either move it or remove us.

Loving the 'just tell them' idea tho . Some children are just like this regardless of what you do. My 4 year old still is. He broke every bauble on our xmas tree this year.

EurusHolmesViolin · 28/02/2017 10:34

Just think of all the money the NHS wastes employing child development experts, when they could direct everyone to gottagetmoving and her learned contributions on this thread instead.

treaclesoda · 28/02/2017 10:39

MrsKoala I hear you! Distraction never worked on my son. Neither did the repeated broken record technique. I remember on one memorable occasion when he was a toddler standing for hours one day repeatedly removing something from him, putting it back and telling him no. Because everyone had assured me that it just had to be repeated until it sunk in and that eventually he would tire of it. Well, he didn't. My husband arrived home from work to find me a sobbing mess because I had spent the entire afternoon just repeatedly, calmly, removing him from what he was doing, sternly saying no, and then repeating the process. And if he hadn't arrived home and broken the spell, I probably would still have been doing it at bedtime. Not all toddlers get distracted, or get bored of trying to try something.

MrsKoala · 28/02/2017 10:39

I'm going to tell the 5 paeds, 3 early years specialists and numerous HVs we have seen that they are doing it all wrong!

treaclesoda · 28/02/2017 10:40

'Trying to try' doesn't really make sense does it? . I knew what I meant when I typed it...

MrsKoala · 28/02/2017 10:41

Not all toddlers get distracted, or get bored of trying to try something.

Actually treacle, i think you'll find the really professional toddlers see it as more of a challenge. All of your easily distracted dc are just amateurs i tell you!

Gottagetmoving · 28/02/2017 10:43

Just think of all the money the NHS wastes employing child development experts

They do waste money, you are right. Their 'experts' change their minds every few years.
Common sense is more reliable.
I would think that if your child is going limp, biting and scratching and kicking until you let them go back to what you have told them they can't have,..then it is not so much them as it is you.
Your kids are determined and stubborn... You have no hope at all when they reach their teens...

treaclesoda · 28/02/2017 10:47

MrsKoala didn't say that she lets them go back to whatever she has removed them from. She said that she removes them from whatever it is that they want, over and over again.

MrsKoala · 28/02/2017 10:48

I would think that if your child is going limp, biting and scratching and kicking until you let them go back to what you have told them they can't have,..then it is not so much them as it is you.

When did i ever say i ever gave in and let them have what they want? I don't and never have. As i said I repeatedly move them or remove us. They still don't learn. DS1 is 4.5 and has still not learned since he could walk at 9mo. All this 'they learn quickly if you are consistent' hasn't sunk into ds1 yet obviously.

EurusHolmesViolin · 28/02/2017 10:50

The fact that you would think that is indicative of a problem with your ignorance and arrogance, rather than anything else. As is your assumption that because you think something, it must be common sense. Actually, common sense would suggest that not all children are the same.

Gottagetmoving · 28/02/2017 10:51

I wonder how the teachers at school will cope with them?

Flip

1 2 ··· 9 10 11 12 13 14

Swipe left for the next trending thread