To ask friend to childproof her house

[Jakarty]

Best friend is 30. Never married, no kids ando lives on her own. Her flat is absolutely gorgeous- beautiful furniture, fancy candles, ornaments, lamps.

Problem: I pop over about once a week (she also comes to mine) with 2.5yo DD. DD naturally goes to pick up items out on display. DF never gets annoyed or tells her off but I can feel her tensing whenever DD touches a candle or ornament and I feel constantly on edge in case she breaks something! Plus there is also the choking hazard which I don't think she has considered. Also she had one of those adult colouring books which DD spotted the other day and wanted to use. Friend said no as it's 'for adults ' and DD had a massive tantrum! She can't understand why a colouring book is not for her.

I was thinking that I could ask her if she can just put all these things away if we are coming over so that a) her things don't get ruined and b) DD is safe and happy and I can relax with my coffee. Is that U? It's only for a few hours once a week.
Friend is lovely in other ways, not usually inconsiderate

She's being 'inconsiderate' by having her home the way she likes it??? Wow. The world does not revolve around your PFB. You are being crazy unreasonable.

The phrase "Look with your eyes, don't touch with your hands" is one your daughter needs to hear from you on a regular basis.

You lot are very precious about your stuff! If my friend came over with toddler I would put away stuff that I didn't want broken and I would definitely not leave out an 'adult colouring book' to taunt her! No I would say to the 2 year old, here are some pens, do some colouring and enjoy yourself. Stop being so uptight about possessions!

Why don't you ask her to provide a ball pit and an ikea mini kitchen whilst she's at it, after all your dd needs to be safely entertained whilst you sit on your arse blethering.

YABU. Although your babe is still kinda young, time to learn can't touch or have everything.

No OP??

It's better to teach DD not to touch things, it make it easier when you go to places / other people's houses.

The colouring book, again, you DD needs to learn that she can't have everything she asks for, that's just life.

Take pleanty of things to entertain her. If you go there regularly, maybe leave a bag of toys, etc in your friends so they are different and might keep her amused for longer.

This can't be real, surely? Any reasonable person would have said "I'm struggling to control my daughter when I go to my friends house, she's always wanting to pick ornaments and candles etc up, what can I do to ensure she's happy and occupied whilst I'm there"

YABU it's her house she has no kids why should it be kid proof. Your dad is 2 1/2 not 1 so she must understand not to touch or play with those things. If she has a tantrum when you don't let her have stuff then you need to rethink your parenting perhaps not ask your friend to rearrange her house.

Sometimes keeping a bag of playthings for use when out visiting that a child does not get to use at home is a good idea. That way they are different to her usual toys and will probably hold her attention longer. Worth a try anyway

YABU. If it's that difficult meet your friend elsewhere or without your toddler.

This is coming from someone with a 2 year old...

Maybe you should just arrange your coffee dates in your home instead. That way you don't have to address anything with your friend and your dd will be happy playing in her own environment.

So having the adult colouring book is taunting the child now?

I agree with this: "If childproofing is a matter of a minutes work lifting a few things out of reach then I can't see the harm in asking, I'd be more than happy to do that for a friend. If it's more a matter of her redesigning how her living area is all the time, then that's a bit much for a few hours a week and I think you'd risk really alienating her." If it isn't easy to just put a few things up out of reach at your friend's house, or if she isn't willing to do that, then you need to meet at your house or at the park until your LO is older.

I don't think it is great to have to be saying constantly to a toddler "no, don't touch". That is an easier lesson for them to learn when they are older. Far better to go where that isn't necessary, and where you and your friend and your child can all relax.

Your friend isn't being inconsiderate. She just doesn't understand how toddlers think. But she doesn't have any obligation to understand them.

Bahahahahahahah

VeryBitchyRestingFace

I agree with taking toys with you for her to play with. That sounds like a good idea.

Before I had DS I wouldnt have thought that it was my responsibility to keep someone else's toddler under control but it helps. Perhaps your friend wouldn't mind if you left a specific toy at hers?
I have a tetras lamp and my nephew loves playing with it when he comes over. It's not dangerous or breakable so I let him enjoy himself with it playing with all the pieces. But he knows not to touch other more breakable things as my sister keeps him in check.

I have to confess here to both having asked parents and PILs to move certain tempting precious things, and to surreptitiously moving precious things out of toddler reach myself, when visiting them with small DC. Telling them not to touch is a great idea, but when they don't listen and you end up wrestling a flailing octopus of a child who's desperate to play with the precious, then visits just don't work unless the tempting precious thing is out of sight. (Waits flaming)

But in general, I agree with the consensus that you can't ask someone else to childproof their house. So I'd suggest to your friend either meeting at your house, or in some external place that's relatively child friendly, until your DC grows out of this phase. That's what we tended to do with people who weren't grandparents.

I have kids - I also have - and have had since before they were born - nice things - actually out on surfaces. Perhaps your friend just trusts you to deal with the parenting side when you are there. None of my stuff got broken, she would not expect it to get to a stage where you would let her stuff get broken.

Just wait til the grandparents stay over, get a bit doddery and start dropping their sweetie sized pills on the floor - Warfarin anyone... you learn a whole new level of alert parenting.

YABVU. I have children and but still haven't baby proofed the house. Not when DD was little and wouldn't now either just because someone visits.

Is this a serious thread?

Of course your friend shouldn't be altering anything in her house!

Good grief.

Bet the OP is the type who expects children to stfu and be kept upstairs when she visits (but her children play merry hell when they are at peoples houses,) and also expects people to shut their dog outside when they visit.

If you're going to visit someone, you take them as they are, or don't go.

OP not been back then? Quelle surprise!

Feels like we've had this same thread question in a bi daily basis

Stop going to hers for a while, until DD is out of the grabby stage.

I think that if she's a really good friend, you could have a quick conversation about how you can't be relaxed because your child is 2.5, and so, even if well behaved generally, can't be trusted not to occasionally do something they shouldn't, and could we just move the delicate stuff out of sight/reach when you come around so you can enjoy the visit more.

I stopped visiting my mother at her house as much when mine were younger because her house was so child unfriendly that it just wasn't pleasant. Now they're older, it's fine again.

You need one of these OP then you could drink your coffee in peace.