To ask friend to childproof her house

[Jakarty]

Best friend is 30. Never married, no kids ando lives on her own. Her flat is absolutely gorgeous- beautiful furniture, fancy candles, ornaments, lamps.

Problem: I pop over about once a week (she also comes to mine) with 2.5yo DD. DD naturally goes to pick up items out on display. DF never gets annoyed or tells her off but I can feel her tensing whenever DD touches a candle or ornament and I feel constantly on edge in case she breaks something! Plus there is also the choking hazard which I don't think she has considered. Also she had one of those adult colouring books which DD spotted the other day and wanted to use. Friend said no as it's 'for adults ' and DD had a massive tantrum! She can't understand why a colouring book is not for her.

I was thinking that I could ask her if she can just put all these things away if we are coming over so that a) her things don't get ruined and b) DD is safe and happy and I can relax with my coffee. Is that U? It's only for a few hours once a week.
Friend is lovely in other ways, not usually inconsiderate

I have ornaments in my house at child level and two children under 5. One is almost 2

Guess what...I teach them not to touch!

They sometimes show interest and want to pick them up, but I quickly remind them no, they are not toys and distract them with something else

Parent your child and teach her not everything is for her

I would expect a friend to do basic 'safety' modifications if we were invited over.

One friend used to do a quick whip round the living room, moving a handful of items out of reach of my crawling 8 month old...the decorative fireplace pokers, her letter opener, a couple of open tubs of decorate small pebbles etc. Things that were really dangerous. But no more than that.

Why don't you offer to have coffee at your place instead? I would not enjoy going somewhere with my child if I had to constantly tell her what not to do. Some children are so curious that they don't want to hear the word, no. And tantrums follow. You can bring your own box of toys but I bet she will not be interested in them.

I think YABU you need to keep your child entertained - take some toys, colouring etc. Your friend isn't offering childcare and her home is arranged to her own requirements. As an aside apart from stairgates and moving the bleach we have never babyproofed our own home. I preferred to teach my children what was safe and what could be played with and what couldn't. It would be a shame to stop going to your friends over this.

Hahahahahahhahahahahahhaha. Good one OP. Very amusing.

Pils used to have saucers of mothballs on the floors of all the rooms. No amount of asking them to move the 'plates of sweets' resulted in them moving them. We just had to stop visiting as their house was a daily mail sad face waiting to happen.

At 2/5 she should understand no and don't touch.

Made me chuckle though op. Bet she looks forward to your visits too.

YABU, but I do see where you are coming from.

I had a friend with a load of tiny crystal ornaments on her coffee table, and we'd go over but no one could sit and chat as I'd spend the whole time chasing my DD away from the ornaments, followed by DD having a fit as she wasn't allowed to touch the 'shiny' things.

I would meet somewhere else for now.

I have a toddler myself so my house is basically childproofed but when friends with younger ones come round I do spend 5 mins before they arrive checking the living room for hazards (move toys with tiny pieces, vases that my toddler has learned to ignore, paperwork that could get trashed etc).

We used to do this before we had children, although my awareness is certainly higher now I've been through it myself!

If you're going to invite friends with children round to your house a certain amount of consideration of their needs is just good hospitality.

That said, 2.5years is plenty old enough to be learning "look but don't touch" and it is ultimately the parent's responsibility to ensure their child is kept away from breakables etc.

To be honest the whole idea of regularly visiting a non child friendly house with a toddler just sounds stressful for all concerned, not sure why you regularly meet there when you could meet at your own house or another child friendly venue.

I wouldn't meet round there with young dc any more. It's just not worth the stress. Either leave dc with a babysitter, and have a relaxing time with your friend, or meet somewhere else, where everybody is more comfortable.

Mine were a complete nightmare at that age and continually went back to disallowed ornaments etc instead of any toys we had. I invited people to me or went to a café with a highchair with a harness or just waited a few years. It does get easier.

If its a friend you see a lot it is ok to discuss it. i.e. Can you come to mine this time, dd stresses be out at your place as she's so keen on your gorgeous ornaments. So keep it light and praise her house.

So your friend is inconsiderate for not rearranging her house to accommodate your child OP?

How awful for you.

Another YABU I'm afraid.

Your child is your own responsibility, not your friends. Take stuff to entertain them and tell them not to touch things.

YABHU... When did being a parent mean that you stopped being responsible for what your child does and touches ? With my two, both were told and kept away from anything they shouldn't be touching. We always took them some toys or activities to keep them occupied...

Expecting someone without children to be responsible for the behaviour ( which is effectively what you're asking ) of your child is ridiculous...

I'm surprised your friends hasn't asked you to stop going round altogether ! That is what will happen if you ask her this !

I didn't child proof my own house so wouldn't expect someone who I was visiting to do it.

I did however have to dog proof it. Anything at tail wagging level was toast.

I'm 44, never married and have no kids. However my house is cat proof and therefore coincidentally more or less toddler proof. I am therefore awarding myself a

By cat proof, I mean the only ornaments are made of wood, metal or stone. Breakable things are in cupboards.

YABU and very entitled. Take toys for your DD.

This has got to be a reverse. Annoying.

Yikes. Tell your two and a half year old to stop touching these things.

YABVU. It's up to you to teach your child she can't touch/play with things that are inappropriate. As for your friend being inconsiderate. Really?

Before I had DD I often had visiting kids and always put out of reach anything that I considered to be dangerous (bleach on a low shelf by the loo) or precious (a crystal vase we got for our wedding). I was also super aware of the things that couldn't easily be moved (tv on a low table, a hanging wire from a lamp which could be pulled). I also bought some basic toys to distract kids (a puzzle, a glove puppet, pens and paper).

But I breathed a sigh of relief that my friends mostly brought toys with them, and their kids mostly kept their grubby mitts hands off my lovely stuff

I'm dreading child proofing for DD - basically our house is full of glassware and sharp edges.

YABVU.

Your DD needs to learn not to touch and that she cannot have everything she sees. You need to take things to occupy her while you "relax and enjoy your coffee", meet elsewhere or not take your DD with you.

Isn't the OP coming back? Shame, I was hoping this was genuine (not a reverse) and have increasingly irite posts from the OP explaining why she's not being unreasonable and PFB. I mean, just because her friend is a spinster who's womb has turned to dust, doesn't mean she shouldn't make her house child friendly!

I don't believe this is a genuine post