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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to find my husband boring?

255 replies

mosart · 18/02/2017 20:57

He works long hours. When he comes in he just sits in his pyjamas and dressing gown reading. He often dozes off in the evening then he doesn't sleep well at night and sits up reading or watching documentaries. He is a good man, but AIBU to be bored with him?

OP posts:
Gileswithachainsaw · 18/02/2017 21:00

I kinda know how you feel tbh.
Dp falls asleep on the sofa alot (manual job) and we pretty much have nothing in common anyway...

FinallyDebtFree · 18/02/2017 21:00

YANBU this would bite me silly...Have you spoken to him?

FinallyDebtFree · 18/02/2017 21:01

*bore

Original poster
mosart · 18/02/2017 21:02

I've tried but he gets very defensive and blames me!

OP posts:
Ragwort · 18/02/2017 21:02

Do you think it is your DH's role to 'entertain' you?

When I get home I just want to relax or do my own thing ........... my DH is probably bored with me Grin.

WipsGlitter · 18/02/2017 21:03

What happens if you arrange to do something - book a meal, cinema, theatre etc?

How does he blame you?

ImperialBlether · 18/02/2017 21:04

Of course she doesn't want him to entertain her, Ragwort! She just wants a guy who'll talk to her and do things with her - hardly a lot to expect, is it?

Original poster
mosart · 18/02/2017 21:04

Maybe that's partly true Ragwort as I'm at home with children all day. And I do long for adult conversation. We can't really go anywhere in the evenings as we've no babysitter.

OP posts:
monkeyfacegrace · 18/02/2017 21:06

I have this issue too.

Dh works 6 days a week, 10 hour days.

But I'm needy as fuck and I expect him to be all over me all the time.

He wants to relax and I get the internal rage.

Trainspotting1984 · 18/02/2017 21:06

I find that a bit. He talks about work all the time or what he "wants" cars holidays home improvements- and it's exhausting and boring

Cocopopsrule · 18/02/2017 21:12

Do you talk at dinner? Dh and I have a great chat and are genuinely interested in what the other person did that day and how they're feeling. I love dinner time. But then we do our own thing for the rest of the evening work or hobbies. Once or twice a week we'll watch a film or play a game together. We are also are lucky enough to have lunch together alone once a week - that really helps.

Why does he get defensive?

Perhaps you could suggest doing something together? A game? A walk? An evening out. A fitness video?

Original poster
mosart · 18/02/2017 21:13

I generally eat with the children, he doesn't get back until later. Doing anything is really difficult in the evenings, we've no babysitter.

OP posts:
WipsGlitter · 18/02/2017 21:15

What about just a nice meal the two of you when he does get in?

Can you ask around to find a babysitter?

Ginkypig · 18/02/2017 21:31

Can you try twice a week waiting until he gets home to eat with him so you can have a catch up as a couple.

Or find a time in the week so you can spend (non tv) time even half a hour together without the kids?

luckycatclover · 18/02/2017 21:31

I get what you mean totally. But I have to cut DP some slack sometimes, he works longer hours than me, gets up much earlier and I still expect him to be just as peppy as me when he gets home, after getting up at 3.30am... doesn't often happen.

Maybe try and arrange a night or two a week for you two to do something together? Working does take it out of you. On the occasions I do long hours I end up too tired to bother with DP too so it's totally hypocritical that I get mad!

goingmadinthecountry · 18/02/2017 21:32

YANBU at all. I definitely know where you're coming from! Sympathy!!

Nanna50 · 18/02/2017 21:32

Do you think he's bored with you? How is the rest of your day are you bored in general?

user1473256244 · 18/02/2017 21:37

My DP is the same. Doesn't want to go out for a coffee, walks are boring, not interested in any films/tv, won't chat if I make a meal for us to eat together, not wanting to talk about his day, not interested in mine, all my friends are boring, not interested in my family or even in meeting them or introducing me to his...... occasionally pipes up about his interest of model making in the shed where he spends most of his time. We used to do all the afore mentioned things together (mainly before we lived together).

I've had enough. I know what it is to have a partner who is interested in me while we both have our own lives and I'm worth more than I get currently.

Original poster
mosart · 18/02/2017 21:41

It's hard, he often wants sex before he goes to sleep but I don't feel connected to him at all.

OP posts:
DJKKSlider · 18/02/2017 21:42

Better bored than embroiled in drama I always say.

I would suggest a 'Date night'
Have kids in bed, meal delivered ready, nice bottle open etc.
Be sure and tell him thoiugh so he can expect it.

Original poster
mosart · 18/02/2017 21:43

Lol I don't drink.

OP posts:
Gileswithachainsaw · 18/02/2017 21:44

And your husband is the one who's boring? GrinWink

WipsGlitter · 18/02/2017 21:46

Does he drink though? You could still do that without alcohol anyway.

Original poster
mosart · 18/02/2017 21:46

Better boring than dead ...

OP posts:
Gottabeaneasierway · 18/02/2017 21:51

What do you actually want from him?