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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to find my husband boring?

255 replies

mosart · 18/02/2017 20:57

He works long hours. When he comes in he just sits in his pyjamas and dressing gown reading. He often dozes off in the evening then he doesn't sleep well at night and sits up reading or watching documentaries. He is a good man, but AIBU to be bored with him?

OP posts:
Gileswithachainsaw · 18/02/2017 21:52

Boring or dead... hmm was kinda hoping there were a few more options...

Original poster
mosart · 18/02/2017 21:52

Friendship and companionship

OP posts:
Original poster
mosart · 18/02/2017 21:53

Well, I don't think not drinking does make me boring, but you do :)

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 18/02/2017 21:54

It's so hard if you want a best friend and you end up with someone who doesn't want to communicate or do anything and then expects you to want to have sex with him.

Bluntness100 · 18/02/2017 22:04

Op, all you're articulating is you want friend shipand companionship. What form does that take for you? have you articulated that to him and what was his response?

Bodicea · 18/02/2017 22:04

I think the main issue you don't talk to each other. I would wait and eat with him most evenings and insist you sit at the dinner table together, talk about your day and then watch something like a box set together. Find something you both can get into. Hopefully you can reconnect. But it needs to come from both of you wanting to. It doesn't sound like you respect it like him much right now.

Gileswithachainsaw · 18/02/2017 22:05

I was just teasing Smile

Doing yummy feel as of he "gets you" ?

I can't remember the last time I felt anyone truly got me. Gets boring and lonely faking it all the time. Pretending parts of you don't exist just to make it easier for others...

Slimmingsnake · 18/02/2017 22:05

Oh dear, by yr reconing my dh must find me boring...I have no need for adult company or any other for that matter..I like evenings in bed on my iPad.with a cup of tea...after I've got rid of the rugrat ,always later than I'd like..I just want ME time.and that does not include conversation with any one

Gileswithachainsaw · 18/02/2017 22:05

Do you ever

Dyac stupid phone

Slimmingsnake · 18/02/2017 22:13

The worst of it is...he's now cottoned on to my routine,and 9 times out of 10 he's in the bed BEFORE me.with his I pad .hogging the Duvet and farting..you couldn't make it up...with a big chessey grin as well.. I just say ..well don't think I'm going to talk to you...I'm nice to him 99 %of the time,I just need a bit of alone time to wind down....maybe op your dh needs wind down time too?

BurleyBob47 · 18/02/2017 22:28

DP would doze off and I just accepted it. Last year she was diagnosed with a genetic disorder predisposing her to narcolepsy. We now go dancing every Monday night. Don't want to exaggerate but it saved our marriage.

annabe1 · 18/02/2017 22:35

One of the reasons exh is ex Sad
My advice if you want to improve things is start small. Have dinner together once a week. Get a box set you both enjoy & snuggle up to him on the sofa & watch one every few days. Might rescue it? Have you told him you need to put work into a marriage or it probably go down the pan

goingmadinthecountry · 18/02/2017 23:30

Giles, I totally understand what you mean. I feel like I play a role in a few different friendship circles but can't be myself because I'd shock and upset. Haven't grown up/old in my head but am very responsible at work.

My dh does nothing wrong, well does nothing really. Nods off in front of shite telly (loves Salvage Hunters) and any hobbies he does have are countryside based. I hate country life and yearn for some urban diversity. If this is what life is like from now on, I don't want to play by the rules.

IonaNE · 18/02/2017 23:38

If I had known all these "boring" husbands existed, I might have considered getting married Grin. (No, not really, I like my own space/time too much.) Use the time for some me-time and your own hobbies. OP, you must have friends to have adult conversations with...

38cody · 19/02/2017 00:12

OP - Giles made an innocent little joke, it was funny... and you bit her head off!
Maybe that's why he doesn't talk to you - he's too scared!

haveacupoftea · 19/02/2017 00:17

Cant you go out in the evening to visit friends or do your own hobbies without needing him to entertain you?

Laserbird16 · 19/02/2017 05:31

Have you told him what you'd like instead? My husband is quite introverted and I used to get annoyed that he would barely speak some evenings. We talked about my need to chat and his to have quiet time. Now when he /I get home we have a quick kiss and do the cursory how are you? I give him some space for 30 mins and then we have a chat for a bit. we also have nights that are more his preference e.g. Reading, playing video games or more my preference chat and a drink etc, out with friends.

Laserbird16 · 19/02/2017 05:34

Oh and I just go out if he doesn't feel like it. Hilariously I used to think he was mysterious and deep when we were dating, when we lived together I learned he was incredibly quiet!

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/02/2017 06:12

How old are your kids? My dd is 8 and she's brilliant company but she's very mature so we can have semi adult conversations and I get some of my social needs met by her. I take her to a lot of hobbies and talk with the parents while I'm there. I think you should consider satisfying your need elsewhere and then starting small with your dh. I'm chronically ill. Maybe I'd feel differently if I weren't so my social needs are small and limited. Dh and I don't talk much because I'm ill and often want to be left alone. Sometimes it gets too much that he hides in the living room while dd and I are watching something in the kitchen. I was recently met with big denial of what was happening and resistance that he changes this. And then he did come and sit with us the following evening. Not had a chance to see if it continues as recently been away and now dd is ill so upstairs lots. I did praise him loads so hopefully it will continue.

HeadDreamer · 19/02/2017 06:19

After a long day at work all I want is to relax too. There isn't much time to read. If you want adult conversation, why can't you find some mummy friends to go out with during the day?

Paninotogo · 19/02/2017 06:21

Only boring people get bored.. Maybe you should look at yourself OP? Have you thought of doing something outside the home?

Flum · 19/02/2017 06:25

Yeah, dont eat with the kids unless you all est together. Eat dinner with hubby mirr thsn half the bights s week. A bottle of wine slways helps the conversatikn flow too!

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/02/2017 06:27

Flum - have you already been on the sauce? Grin

Original poster
mosart · 19/02/2017 07:23

we don't have a TV, neither of us really like it. Maybe should get one.

don't really do mummy friends.

OP posts:
BuggerLumpsAnnoyed · 19/02/2017 07:25

Sorry but it doesn't sound like you want to do much about the situation. You've been given a few suggestions and you just don't sound particularly keen on having some quality time with him (ie having a nice meal when the kids are in bed- it doesn't matter that you don't drink) DH and I work long hours and are knackered and we do what other posters have said, eat a nice meal together and chat, then you can both relax.