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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU in thinking this is not racist?

549 replies

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 14/02/2017 14:02

At a baby group, and one of the mothers starts commenting on a father who is there, mentioning how she wouldn't say no etc. Then asked what we think
One friend turned round and said no he isn't my cup of tea.
Original lady asked why
She responded she normally prefers white men, not black men.
Original lady tells her she should be disgusted in herself and having a view like that is highly racist. She then asked me do I agree if she was racist in what she said.

I told her I wouldn't view this as racist, just personal preference.
Is this actually racist? Or is original lady just being a bit over the top.

OP posts:
19lottie82 · 14/02/2017 14:04

Of course it's not racist.

MammaTJ · 14/02/2017 14:06

Nope, not racist, just personal preference.

HerOtherHalf · 14/02/2017 14:07

Yes it's racist and very shallow to boot. She's effectively saying that regardless of how nice, intelligent, handsome etc etc a man might be, she'd be unlikely to go out with him just because of the colour of his skin. How can you think that is not racist?

witsender · 14/02/2017 14:07

Not racist necessarily, but unwise to say.

Rugbyplayersarehot · 14/02/2017 14:08

Bloody hell most baby groups I have attended are full of zombies with toast stuck to their head and vomit on their shoulders. Well I did. Grin

No it's not racist but sexist and extremely rude discuss a fellow dad like that. Hope he wasn't upset. Nasty chatter.

witsender · 14/02/2017 14:08

However I would suspect that she was racist. People like it to not liking blondes but very few wouldn't go out with one if they were perfect.

IsitJustFantasy · 14/02/2017 14:09

Who we are attracted to is personal preference but I do think it's a bit of a weird thing to say and maybe shows underlying racist tendencies.... To rule out an entire class of people on their skin colour does seem kind of off to me. It isn't the same as having a sexual orientation where there is a logical reason for doing so. Maybe I'm not a good person to answer this as I don't have "a type". I suppose if you do have a type it makes more sense.

couchparsnip · 14/02/2017 14:09

She made a judgment entirely based on the colour of his skin. Of course it's racist!

picklemepopcorn · 14/02/2017 14:10

Didn't we do this thread recently? I'm amazed people think that who you fancy is a race issue.

mrsBeverleygoldberg · 14/02/2017 14:10

I wouldn't feel comfortable listening to anyone with that view. I feel it's racist and stupid. Blair Underwood is yummy.

AIBU in thinking this is not racist?
JJbum · 14/02/2017 14:10

Yes racist. She is saying she would never find a black man attractive purely because he is black. Of course that's racist. It's very shallow too.
Take two statements
"I only like to have white friends." Is that racist? Yes!
"I only like to date white men"....how is that really much different from the first statement.

Original poster
KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 14/02/2017 14:10

herother thats a valid point, but then does that not open a massive can of worms? Preferring a skinny person compared to a fuller person would that not be fatist (is that even a word?)
Ruling somebody out because of their age would that not be ageist?

OP posts:
kingpin20 · 14/02/2017 14:11

Not racist. A bit like if a man says he prefers blondes or red heads. its just personal choice. Wouldn't necessarily stop him dating a brunette if he found her attractive and good company though would it? If she had said something like - OMG no, i'd never go out with a black man' then thats racist. but she said she 'normally prefers'.

Rixera · 14/02/2017 14:11

It depends on how it was said.
If you only like blonde surfer types, it's unlikely that visually a black guy will attract you. Just like it's not sexist to be straight, it's just not your sexual preference.
But to say you wouldn't consider him, couldn't possibly find any aspect of him appealing, and wouldn't want to get to know him because he is black, that's racist.

Noodoodle · 14/02/2017 14:11

Kungfu I was going to say exactly the same!

IsitJustFantasy · 14/02/2017 14:13

I don't think ruling someone out because of their age is necessarily ageist. You could have practical reasons for doing so.

squishysquirmy · 14/02/2017 14:13

Sounds like a weird conversation at a baby group to start with - discussing whether you'd sleep with one of the other parents. Completely different to a conversation about, for eg, a hot celeb.
I don't think it's racist to only be attracted to a particular race (you can't control who you fancy!), but I think she was at best very blunt to have made such a sweeping statement, at worse she may be a little racist.

SomethingBorrowed · 14/02/2017 14:14

Not racist.
Same as saying you like men tall / educated / blue eyed / athletic / skinny / with a beard / redhead...
Attraction for someone is at first based on how they look, so stating a preference for a particular look is fine IMO

IsitJustFantasy · 14/02/2017 14:14

Racist or not, I think it was a strange answer to give. "I'm just not attracted to him" would have done fine.

UpWithPup · 14/02/2017 14:14

JJBum the OP doesn't say that the person in question ONLY dates white people, just that's who they NORMALLY find attractive.

Writerwannabe83 · 14/02/2017 14:15

I don't think it's racist.

My white friend only goes out with black men as they are the only type of men she is physically attracted to. Just because she's not sexually attracted to men of her own skin colour doesn't make her a racist towards them. It's just her preference.

SansComic · 14/02/2017 14:15

normally prefers

Is the part that means she wasn't being racist.

There are very, very few black men I find attractive. The same goes for blondes and gingers.

We have a preference and that can be because of skin colour, features, personality.

What she said was unwise to voice as is being proved by this thread but not wrong. She didn't say that black men were worse in any way, just that she 'normally' doesn't find them attractive.

People like it to not liking blondes but very few wouldn't go out with one if they were perfect.

But they wouldn't be perfect to you if blondes weren't your thing.

Original poster
KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 14/02/2017 14:15

Too be fair to the lady she has a type, Ed sheeran-ish looking guys. She's just a sucker for red heads. I didn't find the comment racist because it wasn't an "eww no" kind of comment more preference of white guys. I'm pretty sure if she found a twin of Ed Sheeran in a black man she would be there like a shot Grin

OP posts:
YouHadMeAtCake · 14/02/2017 14:21

Not racist at all. But I am now thinking of Luther actor Iris Elba and drooling dreaming.

It's simply personal preference. I don't like ginger hair or beards or curly hair or short men, I don't fancy lots of looks, race has really nothing to do with it.

TheNaze73 · 14/02/2017 14:21

I think it's personal preference. Like some people wouldn't go for a ging, 5 foot men, a bald man or someone fat. If you have a type & aren't attracted doesn't mean you are a racist & still have friends of the opposite sex with those attributes. Just that you don't fancy them. Can't see a difference here, to people saying they wouldn't date fat, middle aged bald people that I read yesterday. If it's a feeling, you can't argue it.

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