Ex left DS to go out

[mrtumblesmistress1]

Ex's weekend with DS. I find out tonight he left him to go out drinking. Didn't ask me to swap, didn't tell me, just left him with a relative. His drinking has been a lot lately and one of the main reasons we are not together anymore. I just don't know what to do anymore. AIBU to be fuming about this?

YANBU. He will be hungover like a bastard in the morning so DS will not have got anything out of the visit. I would review contact arrangements.

I think yabu a bit TBH. While in an ideal world he would spend all his time with ds, in reality he is entitled to go out and is entitled to leave him with someone else while he does. But I can understand that you're annoyed presumably because he went out drinking which is a major part of the split between you.

Go and get your son. What is the point of him having him? He may as well be home with you.

And ultimately if he only has him weekends then he should plan his weekends out when he doesn't have his son which by the sounds of it is the majority of the time.

How old is your ds?

I'm on the fence...

Does he see much of him? Has there been a flexible approach to contact previously? How old is DS? Does DS know the family who he was left with quite well?

Yeah how old is your DS? Your ex is allowed a social life even when he his DS, just like you are!!!

It does like the issue is more that your ex is a functioning alcoholic reading between the lines though?

So you have never used a babysitter?

Of course he is entitled to a social life but he has every other weekend to do that. Also, had he asked me to swap I would have done so without issue. My son knows his family yes. I've given this man chance after chance here and he keeps letting me and his son down and this is just the tip of the ice berg. I am where I am so he can have a relationship with his son, I have no support at all because I choose to stay here and I just feel it's a waste of time

Age?

Sorry - 2

I am sorry this has happened, however it is your ex choice how he spends his contact time just as it is your choice how you spend yours.

DC is old enough to communicate with you via phone so look at the positives he is getting to spend time with the wider family and not let alone somewhere.

If you don't have family there or support can you look to move to where they are ?

YABU imo. OK, it's not ideal, but he is his Dad and he is as entitled to get someone else to care for his son when he is otherwise occupied as you are.

Leaving a child with a family member is not letting him down.

If you take the attitude that you have a right to decide how he spends his contact time with his child then you have to accept that he has the right to do the same.

So does your ex have a history of flaking off on contact days OP? Is that why you're frustrated? Because if not, I don't see a huge issue with your DS spending a night with his DF's family rather than his DF once in a while. You may have preferred it if he'd asked to swap but as it was his weekend, it was his decision.

Yanbu, I would be annoyed too, yes your ex is entitled to a social life but have it when he doesn't have his DS, I would of thought that having that time with his son would be more important and like you said he could've asked you to swap.

Whilst he does get to decide how he wishes to spend his contact time.

It's quite shitty that he chooses to get a sitter and go out on the 1/2 days he has him Out of every 14.

Presumably the 2 year old is asleep whilst he's out drinking? In which case I don't see that it matters.

You can move of you want to. If you would benefit from being closer to your own support system then do it.

Do you never have a family member or baby sitter look after your DS in the evenings when you go out? When he'll primarily be asleep?

I think YABU generally.

The drinking problem you think he has is a different issue.

Jenny so it doesn't matter that he'll come home at 3/4 in the morning and spend the day he's supposed to have with his son hungover on the couch? I don't have a right to dictate how he uses his time with him and I'm not trying to but he has him 4 days out of 30, why not ask me to swap?

Do you think the hangover is going to affect DS somehow? A lazy day will be fine for them both. As long as by hangover you don't mean a day of hugging the toilet bowl that is.

Again, if this is an infrequent occurrence, I really would let it go.

4 days out 30 My god you would want to make those the best days if you were that parent! YANBU

Any decent parent would want to. What a twat!

My DF used to do this. He'd invariably leave us with his dad while he and my gran (separately) went out on the piss. I did miss my DM and I'm sure it grated on her bit she never intervened and I'm glad really. I have a pretty good relationship with my DF (although he doesn't know that I know he paid child all maintenance) and I love the memories of my granddad who does when I was 13. He was a wicked, chain-smoking mischief maker.

I sort of think that as long as your DS is safe and is staying with his DF maybe every other weekend, let it be.