Ex left DS to go out

[mrtumblesmistress1]

Ex's weekend with DS. I find out tonight he left him to go out drinking. Didn't ask me to swap, didn't tell me, just left him with a relative. His drinking has been a lot lately and one of the main reasons we are not together anymore. I just don't know what to do anymore. AIBU to be fuming about this?

I think he sounds like an alcoholic, he will always put going out and getting utterly pissed before a relationship with his DC.

When you move away I would try and arrange contact with your ex-MIL - around when she is available etc. so you know your DS is being looked after, if your ex bothers to spend time with him it's an added bonus isn't it.

Desperately sad for your DS.

Gosh OP, your DC will benefit so much more having YOIR family around instead of that useless twat.
My ex had a drink problem and I was his girlfriend at the time, he had his two kids every weekend and once he was so drunk he dropped his DD aged 2 in the road and she nearly got hit by a car when he was giving her a piggy back. Then she was sick in the night and he was too drunk to wake up. he also had her on her birthday and didnt wake up till 12pm (luckily I was there the whole time) also, the worst one. He left a pan on and it caught fire, if I wasn't there to put it out all 2 would be dead. Don't leave your 2yr old with a drunk, people telling you she has a right to see her dad are being completely stupid and unrealistic. Some just clearly want an argument.

YOUR not yoir lol x

I think you are getting a very hard time from some posters - your ex sounds selfish and irresponsible and a potential danger to your DS' health - especially neglecting the medication.

Do these posters really think it is fine for a sick 2 year old (with UTI) to be dumped overnight on relatives without medication (that the ex "lost")or PJs so that his father can prioritize drinking? Some people really have a strange idea about being a a parent.

Thanks guys for your support, it really means a lot.

I spoke to the solicitor today and he's confident that I can go home without issue. Given the evidence I have on his drinking if he was to fight the move he'd most likely lose. My contact proposals are more than reasonable also - probably too generous!

I just got off the phone to my mum and she and my dad would love to have us back and will let us live with them until I'm back on my feet.

Hopefully will have a letter to the ex by the end of the week and will go from there. Scary..

So pleased for you. And sounds positive too. In my experience of these situations, he's all song and dance now but when it actually comes down to him being the father he should (and could) be he'd prefer to stick to pissing it up.
Arrange contact with your Ex's mum too - pp experiences with a drunk in sole charge of his two year old left me cold.

What letter do you have to send to him?

Wouldn't it be better to get all the arrangements ie flights etc booked before you tell him as he could turn nasty and difficult

Snuggly he has parental responsibility so I can't take DS out of the country without permission as I could be done for kidnap. I want to make sure all the i's are dotted and t's are crossed. I just want to do it right so that there's no comeback

Feeling very emotional today. Legal doc will be drawn up by the end of the week.

Am afraid he's going to contest it to make life difficult.

You're making the right decision. It's unlikely he'll be successful if he does contest. It won't be long until you're back with your support network.

Thanks bacon

If you expect that he will contest it then we need to get prepared.
What reasons will he try and use? If you have a list of all the possible scenarios then when it happens it won't be too much of a shock and also you won't be too upset thinking about them 'fresh' if that makes any sense?
You have an army of us supporting you Tumble, try and keep your pecker up and focus on end goal. :-)

@fender he actually seems ok now, not happy with it but seems to be going along with it. I've ordered to pay for the first 2 trips over to him and to bring and collect DS. I have also offered to do this in may as well as June and said he can start sharing the travel and cost from august. His response - I suppose so..

Thanks again for your support x

I just want to say thank you to (nearly) everyone for your supportive comments.

The wheels are in motion for me to move home, solicitor is drawing up a contact agreement and the ex is not happy but his exact words are 'I don't agree but do what you want' and 'I suppose so'.

Notice has been handed in at work and I should be back home by the 1st week of April. Thanks again.

Here to new beginnings Tumble, onwards and upwards

Wishing you all the best

Best of luck with move back home, miss tumble. To those saying father has a right to see child, what about DS right to a safe caring environment?
On another note for when you move
I've just moved across country with DH and DD (18months) and she has been very unsettled, if you can take time off before going back to work there please do. My DD still won't go to sleep in cot...almost a month...cries when we come back to house etc.

I'm trying to make arrangements for DS visit in June and I am being ignored by ex. I'm terrified he's going to try stop me. My anxiety is through the roof. I just want contact sorted before I leave but he wants to make is difficult for me.

Have you got the letter signed yet? If so, forget about making the contact arrangements. You've done your part, he needs to do his and you can't make him have contact if he's not interested. If you haven't got the letter signed, concentrate on that - permission to leave is more important than making travel arrangements for a future contact date.

What expat said and good luck op.