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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel uncomortable with this - Mil having bath with DD 4

254 replies

BornFreeButinChains · 25/01/2017 12:55

I cant think why any grown woman would want to get into the bath with a 4 year old Confused

It doesn't matter that its MIl - if my own DM had done this I would be asking her - why.

I think there is a difference between being in the bath and DC coming along wondering what your doing etc. But as a granny if I needed to wash with young dc there its more likely I would forgo my wash until later or have a quick shower.

Maybe I am mad maybe its very common? They feed DC off their own forks in spite of being OTT about dirt and cleanliness - its like a religion for mil - but very happy to feed dc off fork shortly after illness..very smooshy with them kissing on lips - FIl is very very physical with them - lying down on grass in summer with DD on top of him after playing .

FOR THE RECORD if I felt anything else was going on of course I would stop them going but my family are just not this physical...DF would give bear hug at greeting and thats it. I really struggle with it - but keep telling myself its OK they are loving GP - but having a bath with DD?

why> why on earth would you want or need to do that?

OP posts:
VeryBitchyRestingFace · 25/01/2017 12:56

FIl is very very physical with them - lying down on grass in summer with DD on top of him after playing

Do you have a problem with them doing that, OP?

EastMidsMummy · 25/01/2017 12:58

YABU.

abbrev · 25/01/2017 12:59

The bath wouldn't be for me when I'ma granny but wouldn't bother me if I were you.

FIl is very very physical with them - lying down on grass in summer with DD on top of him after playing

This makes you seem a little crazy.

BingBongBingBong · 25/01/2017 12:59

The bath thing would make me very uncomfortable - whether it was my own mum or my MIL. I think you have to speak to her about t really. The rest wouldn't make me that uncomfortable though, just the bath.

BarbarianMum · 25/01/2017 13:00

I can't answer that fully because I don't have grandchildren and might not feel the same when I do but I always enjoyed bathing with my kids (when they were small and the bathtub big). But I am partly German and they are far more relaxed about nudity than the English - so to me its no big deal.

If you don't like it, you'll have to raise it with her

MrsPeelyWally · 25/01/2017 13:00

YABVU

BarbarianMum · 25/01/2017 13:02

Fil is very very physical with them - lying down on grass in summer with DD on top of him after playing

Even dp's very repressed English family wouldn't have a problem with this. I'm assuming he was dressed?

BoobleMcB · 25/01/2017 13:02

I really don't see what your issue is tbh op. I think you are BU but they're your children so whatever.

I especially think your are particularly U regarding FIL. It sounds like they've been playing rough and tumble or whatever and have collapsed in to a heap?

She's FOUR for heaven's sake, let her be a child.

DrinkReprehensibly · 25/01/2017 13:06

To be honest, I'm with you, Op. On the one hand, I know there's officially nothing wrong with it and wouldn't suggest there was out loud, but the things you describe would creep me out a bit and makes me think "just, why?" as well.

FATEdestiny · 25/01/2017 13:06

My kids love me getting in the bath with them. I'd say up to about aged 10. DS is 7 and often asks if I can get in bath with him or him get in bath with me.

I would have no issue with my mum or mil bathing with my 4 year old. The 4 year old would no doubt love it!

Does your 4 year old enjoy bathing with Grandma, or not? That would be what i based my decision on

Lottapianos · 25/01/2017 13:07

No, you're not unreasonable OP, because everyone will have their own feelings about this. Some would feel the same as you do. Others don't have any problem with it. It depends on your own experience of interaction when you were a child and your relationship with MIL and FIL. Neither POV is 'wrong' but I can understand why you are very uncomfortable with it. I would feel the same, even if I was sure that there was nothing sinister going on.

Lying on the grass with DD wouldn't bother me actually, if she was laughing and enjoying it. Bathing with DD and feeding her off their forks Shock, I would have a problem with both of those things. Like you say, there's just no need and it feels odd

Original poster
BornFreeButinChains · 25/01/2017 13:08

I have said I struggle with it - we are just not like this in my family....I have not said anything yet - so please......and probably wont....I just wanted wider advice.

I can't help how I feel. I can put it into perspective due to my own up bringing and get wider thoughts on it.

DB for instance would swing both dd's round, tickle them - be physical in that way but the lying down with them on top - wouldn't do it. If he did it may be accidentally momentarily...Its a thing they all seem to do in the family.

OP posts:
Toomuchginger · 25/01/2017 13:08

YANBU. I dont want my kids to see amd sit with my inlaws' naked genitals.

MotherofA · 25/01/2017 13:08

This would creep me out too whether or not they are playing innocently . Wouldn't want anyone else bathing with my kids at all .

itsmine · 25/01/2017 13:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MuteButtonisOn · 25/01/2017 13:09

Wouldn't bother me.

Original poster
BornFreeButinChains · 25/01/2017 13:09

come to think of it - have remembered tons of pics of DH as a toddler where they have laid his younger sis on top of him...so its a thing they do.

I cant help struggle with it.

OP posts:
MotherofA · 25/01/2017 13:11

I don't like the laying on top thing either op and couldn't care less what people would think ha .

Original poster
BornFreeButinChains · 25/01/2017 13:11

Thanks Lottie - but how to deal with it.

The last time fil was here picked up dd - all good - swung her round a bit - then DD started loads of kisses on lips and FIL was joking around going Ummm umm and dd didn't stop - it got uncomfortable.

OP posts:
KayTee87 · 25/01/2017 13:13

I wouldn't like it either op, there's just no need for it really. What does your dh think?

Pengggwn · 25/01/2017 13:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
BornFreeButinChains · 25/01/2017 13:13

I have two dds older one and a cousin did it too - on over seas visit - again - tickles - FINE I have no issues with that but he was on the floor the lying down and started to roll around with her - I mean to me - yes maybe a prude but it looked like stuff BF and GF would do - rolling around....

OP posts:
Original poster
BornFreeButinChains · 25/01/2017 13:15

Juts say no, please don't get in with them there's no need whether you like to or not

I cant really say that as I was massively on back foot when it happened she was doing me massive favour and they have both helped us out recently.
Secondly she doesn't take the blindest notice of anything we say - we know she disregards everything we have asked her in the past.
Its a really frustrating situation to be in Sad

OP posts:
zzzzz · 25/01/2017 13:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

finova · 25/01/2017 13:19

YANBU I would hate this with any adult who wasn't myself or DH. Just too intimate. No need to share all those germs.
I'd ask that it doesn't happen again.

The sharing cutlery I wouldn't like either. My MIL used to lick my children's food to test the temperature which used to make me feel sick, but I let it go. I would just hold it against my lower lip, but she would lick it.

She also never buys an ice cream and 'shares' my children's, taking licks throughout not just at the end. Again I found this grim, but have let it go.

The bath would be step too far though.