To feel uncomortable with this - Mil having bath with DD 4

[BornFreeButinChains]

I cant think why any grown woman would want to get into the bath with a 4 year old

It doesn't matter that its MIl - if my own DM had done this I would be asking her - why.

I think there is a difference between being in the bath and DC coming along wondering what your doing etc. But as a granny if I needed to wash with young dc there its more likely I would forgo my wash until later or have a quick shower.

Maybe I am mad maybe its very common? They feed DC off their own forks in spite of being OTT about dirt and cleanliness - its like a religion for mil - but very happy to feed dc off fork shortly after illness..very smooshy with them kissing on lips - FIl is very very physical with them - lying down on grass in summer with DD on top of him after playing .

FOR THE RECORD if I felt anything else was going on of course I would stop them going but my family are just not this physical...DF would give bear hug at greeting and thats it. I really struggle with it - but keep telling myself its OK they are loving GP - but having a bath with DD?

why> why on earth would you want or need to do that?

OP YANBU. I don't think this is right (exactly as you say, why the need?)

Can you come up with a plan with your DH to deal with this?

Perhaps say 'DD mentioned she had a bath with you. Can I check what happened, that doesn't sound right! Just to make absolutely sure of the facts. Does your DD mean they literally were in the water at the same time?

Then when she says yes, just say, well we're teaching her how to bath alone and we would never do this at home so please supervise her from the side instead next time, it would really help. Thank you. Or something.

book thats not my quote - just in case that was directed to me.

No absolutely not, DF has disability and spends most time - with no underwear on and in dressing gown that flaps open, we don't see him often but when we do I am always asking him to cover himself up.

With DM no I wouldn't mind things like dd going into the loo when dm is in there or if dm was in shower and dd walked in, I do agree with dc seeing all types of body but no I would ask her why she had felt the need to psychically get in the bath.

I'd wonder why. Not in a sinister way, just a general way. Maybe there's not enough bath water to go around.

I really wouldn't like it.

needa she was pretty much trained actually could go to the loo - do all the stuff but the last sticking point was wanting nappies on, we didn't want to push her - as all experts say agaisnt it.
I wasn't worried about her in the slightest as she could do it all and we wanted to do it right first time, without pressuring her, we are in no rush.

Once she didn't feel pressured into wearing pants and it was her actual choice she quickly converted has been trained ( she was just 4 at the time)

Yanbu. I wouldn't like this and don't see why your mil needs to do it. I have same issues with a fil who I find is overly tactile with my dd so I can understand where you're coming from. In that scenario, I would say trust your instincts and if you don't like what your Inlaws are doing you have every right to tell them and they should respect that.

It's not easy though I know. I do sympathise.

but anyway thats by the by - its no MIls decision to make at all.

The thing is - they are mega germaphobes, she freaks out at the slightest things in her house eg a teeny spec of tomato ketchup on her cloth or a leaf thats come in somehow - fil is the same - OTT germaphobes and yet so casually without thinking feed DD off same fork.

They dont get why this may not be ideal. It would be easier to bear if they werent so OTT in my mind about the other stuff!

OP how often do they look after DD?

Sounds like no one feels your kids would miss out if granny didn't get into the bath. And that you get final say.

But how on earth are you going to raise the matter?

Can you say "I've decided she's too old for that now?"

It's tricky.... MIL is obviously overstepping your boundaries in lots of ways, so YANBU to ask her to stop - and your discomfort with nudity/ bath/ tumbling around is a reaction you can't control - so YANBU there either.

But- I might be wrong - I feel you construe much of this as somehow sexualised behaviour? Which, unless your in laws have given you reason to suspect paedophilic tendencies, it obviously isn't (if they have,YABVU to let it continue!!!)

Otherwise they sound much like my family. We're very physically affectionate, DM is like second mother to DS, and DP and I are basically nudists at home -
So I find their behaviour totally
Unconcerning.

But go with your gut OP. You're mum, and if it makes you uncomfy you have every right to make it stop.

I feel that unless Granny "buys in" to the ban it could do more harm than good. Dd might feel uneasy about the tension around nudity, so it could backfire and make her confused?

I have little GC who wander in and out when I am dressing/showering etc. It is a matter that attracts no comments at all - it is just family life.

I do not think I would bath with them - but if they popped in the shower when I was there I would not send them away. I would not plan to do it though.

DS is 4 and often has a bath with me. Sometimes with DH too. I know he has a bath with my mum when he sleeps over there and I would have no objection to him having a bath with DMIL, or with my dad come to that. My dad has showers though due to his hips.
At 14 I would object, so would DS I'm sure, but 4 is still very little. It does prompt the odd question but easily answered.

My daughter showers with my parents. I come from a very naked family though

Some will say it's not an issue, others will say they wouldn't like it. TBH, all that matters is that it makes you feel uncomfortable then you have to put a stop to it. You don't have to create any drama or offer explanations just ask for it to stop.

They are your dc and the MIL should respect that decision.

I wouldn't want GPS bathing with my children, YANBU

My parents are obsessed with my children being supervised AT ALL TIMES. They literally do not leave them unattended for a second and look at us if we ever do so. When they have the children round for sleepovers/tea/play whatever, they hover around them, supervising and monitoring everything. Therefore it seems entirely sensible to my DM that she showers with the children in the morning, so they are never out of her sight. I am fine with this, she loves them, they love her - all is good. She takes them swimming too and showers with them. She is a fantastic, if slightly, neurotic Granny!

It all sounds fine to me. Much easier to have a bath together than to scrunch yourself up over the side and try to wash them that way. Happened in my childhood to all my cousins as well as friends; we all did the same with our own children, and no doubt they'll do it with theirs.

So some people on here wouldn't let grandparents take their children swimming then, because of the showering afterwards.

Interesting thread op as I think it all depends on your personal boundaries. I had a lovely relationship with my dad's mother growing up; she's been a pivotal role model to me. My sister and I bathed with her when we stayed at hers up until I was about six. I have happy memories of us being squeezed in the bath together, talking and playing for no other reason than we were doing as she did. I don't remember bathing with my parents. I have a complicated relationship with my mother but I'm always very grateful that she let me have my own relationship with my loving grandmother.

It's your child your choice, but personally I wouldn't have a problem with it.

My DD age 8 often bathes with her nanas, both mine and her dad's mothers. Also with her 14 year old (female) cousin.

She loves it and it shows her what a normal woman's body looks like, it also gives us the chance to chat about puberty etc.

I would be horrified if I discovered anyone apart from myself or DH in the bath with my child. Partly as a hygiene thing (no it's not the same as swimming, which generally takes place in a chlorinated pool, or sitting in a hot tub, which generally doesn't involve people sloughing their dead skin off into the water). Also partly because I think kids need to know that their bodies aren't there to be shared with anyone who expresses an interest. Not because I'd be worried about MIL's intentions towards the child, but because I'd want to teach the child the broader principles of privacy, boundaries, and people's ownership over their own bodies.

Bingo you've said similar twice now but it makes no sense. Showering after swimming is not the same. There is no need at all for a grandparent to be naked in a bath with a child. Just why?

also Bingo you say re the swimming 'I didn't realise I was supposed to have a problem with this'. Nobody is saying that. If you're happy then it doesn't matter at all.