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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to have a 3rd baby against DH's wishes

999 replies

Babysuprise · 09/01/2017 17:02

DH and I have two lovely children - while I have always wanted more, DH only really wanted one so two was a compromise.

We have had quite heated discussions about having a third and he has always been clear he doesn't want another one.

However, I have just found out I am pregnant. I'm pretty pleased about it as I had resigned myself to just having two, but I know DH will be devastated. I haven't told him yet. AIBU to have this baby anyway?

OP posts:
Chattymummyhere · 09/01/2017 17:05

Since you are already pregnant then it's up to you. The worst case he leaves you. You should never feel pressured into a termanation.

DontWannaBeObamasElf · 09/01/2017 17:05

If he was so adamant about not wanting a third was a method of contraception used? Why did he not get a vasectomy if a third pregnancy would leave him "devastated"?

OneFlewOverTheDodosNest · 09/01/2017 17:06

I would say YABU but as you're already pregnant it's your choice - be warned that this may be a deal breaker for him though.

I'm presuming that this was a contraceptive failure on both your parts btw.

PurpleDaisies · 09/01/2017 17:06

What were you doing for contraception?

RacoonBandit · 09/01/2017 17:06

Nobody can force you to have a termination. It is your choice.

Can I ask how you got pregnant.....as in we're either/both of you using contraception not the act itself Blush

Strongmummy · 09/01/2017 17:07

He'll just have to get over it won't he? He should get the snip/you should start using more effective contraception

MyKingdomForBrie · 09/01/2017 17:07

YANBU to have it as it seems this was an accidental pregnancy therefore a risk you both took together. YWBU if you'd done it on purpose some how!

specialsubject · 09/01/2017 17:07

you get to choose abortion or not, and it does take two to tango. Did he think that contraception was being used?

every child a wanted child, but the end decision is for the mother.

DontWannaBeObamasElf · 09/01/2017 17:07

And no I wouldn't say you'd be unreasonable to have the baby, it's your body after all, don't feel pressured into making any decisions you're not remotely comfortable with.

TheNaze73 · 09/01/2017 17:07

The worst case scenario will be him walking.

He could've been proactive with the protection if it was a deal clincher for him

BestZebbie · 09/01/2017 17:07

Already being pregnant arguably makes your situation more complex - how did this happen if your DH "has always been clear he doesn't want another one"? This is relevant because I think you would be much more reasonable to continue regardless of other considerations if he has been knowingly having unprotected sex with you.

harderandharder2breathe · 09/01/2017 17:08

If you were using contraception (properly) then this is just "bad" luck and you should both decide what to do. Obviously you get the final say but I really think it should be a joint decision if you value your relationship

FlyingElbows · 09/01/2017 17:09

If you weren't already pregnant my answer would be you were being unreasonable.

As you are my answer is that it is now entirely your choice.

If he was adamant that he didn't want to father any more children he should have had a vasectomy or taken responsibility for his contraception choice.

FetchezLaVache · 09/01/2017 17:09

Well, unless he's had a vasectomy which failed, the fact that you're already pregnant suggests that he wasn't THAT clear he didn't want another one...

pinkdelight · 09/01/2017 17:09

"He'll just have to get over it won't he? He should get the snip/you should start using more effective contraception"

This. If he was that against it he could have made it impossible (apart from those handful of snip failures which I'm assuming this isn't).

HecateAntaia · 09/01/2017 17:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LivingOnTheDancefloor · 09/01/2017 17:10

What were you using for contraception?

JacquesHammer · 09/01/2017 17:10

I would be questioning whether this was a genuine contreceptive failure and as such there's some reasonable discussion needed or whether there was any misleading in terms of contraception.

Either way you should never be pressured into a termination but be prepared for this to be a deal breaker.

LouisevilleLlama · 09/01/2017 17:11

OP now you're pregnant it's solely down to you, he doesn't get a choice most he could do is leave you,

DJBaggySmalls · 09/01/2017 17:11

As you are already pregnant, then no. He should have had a vasectomy.

Shallishanti · 09/01/2017 17:12

YWBU to have the baby and expect him to be it's father- he's been very clear he doesn't want a third child. He may change his mind but you would have to be happy to risk that he may not, including the consequences of that for your other two dcs. You WERE using contraception weren't you?

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 09/01/2017 17:12

Was this pregnancy "accidentally on purpose" ?

Batteriesallgone · 09/01/2017 17:12

Why didn't he get a vasectomy? Seems the obvious answer for him.

RacoonBandit · 09/01/2017 17:13

I know that contraception is the responsibility of all adults but if this was not an accident would it still be the DHs fault for not protecting himself?

Crispbutty · 09/01/2017 17:13

I just hope he comes round to the idea and doesn't end up punishing the child by treating it differently to its siblings. How awful for a child to find out its father wanted it's brothers/sisters but just not him/her.