AIBU to have a 3rd baby against DH's wishes

[Babysuprise]

DH and I have two lovely children - while I have always wanted more, DH only really wanted one so two was a compromise.

We have had quite heated discussions about having a third and he has always been clear he doesn't want another one.

However, I have just found out I am pregnant. I'm pretty pleased about it as I had resigned myself to just having two, but I know DH will be devastated. I haven't told him yet. AIBU to have this baby anyway?

I think you will have to be prepared for him to leave you if you continue with this pregnancy

Your body your choice but be prepared for the fall out.

What contraception were you using? He is probably going to think you got pregnant on purpose and feel resentful. It's going to be tough for all of your family whatever you decide. As people have said though, you shouldn't feel pressured into having a termination.

If this was an accidental conception then I would hope he wouldn't choose to leave you! It's the risk you take when you have sex.

Yabu, but it's too late for that.
How did you get pregnant? Apart from the obvious answer!

You'll have to tell him, the sooner the better. Your next steps should be something you both agree on imo.

Did you use underhand methods to get pregnant? If so YABVVVVU. Be prepared for your husband to say "you wanted this child, you bring it up".

Did contraception fail? I think that's relevant - if you've been making pinholes in the condoms or chucking your pills down the loo then YABU, if you 'just got carried away' then it is down to both of you & he hasn't got a leg to stand on as presumably he has worked out how babies are made by now?

What contraception where you using?

How old are the kids you've already got?

Two was the compromise.

Sorry, but I'm going to be very harsh here. I think you have to start thinking about how your born children will feel about everything if this splits your family up, and how your unborn child will feel about being why your family split up (no, they won't be the reason but that's how children think, taking blame onto themselves). And how they will feel about having been so unwanted.

Obviously now that you are pregnant it is your choice what you do.

It also depends what was decided re contraception between you and your DH. If you said you were taking the pill and you didn't do it, it is different than an accident or even than your DH assuming you were handling the contraception without explicitly agreeing on it.

Were you deliberately not using contraception?

You need to tell him ASAP

Second all the posters asking what contraception you were both using?

You are pregnant so it's ultimately your decision but don't be surprised if he may think you have done it deliberately ( I guess depending what contraception you were using and you discussing your desire for a third child) or him packing up and leaving

How did you get pregnant? What happened to the contraception?

In any case now that you're pregnant if you want the baby then you should have it. Be prepared for it to distress your dh pretty majorly though.

Sorry, but I'm going to be very harsh here. I think you have to start thinking about how your born children will feel about everything if this splits your family up, and how your unborn child will feel about being why your family split up (no, they won't be the reason but that's how children think, taking blame onto themselves). And how they will feel about having been so unwanted.
Agree with this, it's completely your choice of course but think about your current children too.

Another voice here saying that there's no more discussion to be had until it's clear if the pregnancy was purely unintentional or if one/both of you got a little careless with contraception.

Changes the entire nature of the question

How did you end up pregnant? On purpose or by accident?

If you are pregnant due to a contraception failure or a failure to use it at all which your DH knew about, then I don't think you would be U to have the baby.

Don't get me wrong, I have absolutely no intention at all of having a 3rd. I had horrendous PND with both DS1 and 2 and having a 3rd would, I believe, be very detrimental to my health. But if it happened, I would have to make a decision - just as you and your DH will have to. There is no room for him to be "devastated" - you've got to work together to decide if you're going to have this baby or not.

So please just tell him and get on with having an adult discussion about what you're going to do.

As PPs have said you need to tell him. I really hope this was a contraception failure ...

He should have gone and had the snip if he was so anti or not had sex at all.

Oh bad luck op.

Of course YANBU not to have an abortion. Really hope your dh comes round to the idea of three kids.

So it's "your body, your choice" for the OP, but her husband doesn't get a choice about having a vasectomy?

If I was your DH I'd be very suspicious and it's difficult to prove that it was a 'genuine accident', if that is indeed the case.

But ultimately yanbu to continue the pregnancy, if that's what you want, but I'd say it's very likely to causer serious problems in your marriage.

Somebody I know begged and begged her DH to start a family and he wasn't ready and then she 'accidentally' fell pregnant and their marriage didn't survive in the long term - he said he always knew deep down that she'd intended it to happen but he could never prove it.

Of course he gets a choice about a vasectomy, he's obviously chosen not to have one and now has a 3rd child on the way...

His other choices were to make sure he had his wellies on when playing in puddles or to not have sex.