AIBU to have a 3rd baby against DH's wishes

[Babysuprise]

DH and I have two lovely children - while I have always wanted more, DH only really wanted one so two was a compromise.

We have had quite heated discussions about having a third and he has always been clear he doesn't want another one.

However, I have just found out I am pregnant. I'm pretty pleased about it as I had resigned myself to just having two, but I know DH will be devastated. I haven't told him yet. AIBU to have this baby anyway?

What kind of birth control failure was it, OP?

And did your DH know there was a BC failure? If so, was he concerned?

You knew the MAP was an option; did he? Did he ask you to get the MAP? Did you tell him you would?

You had several days to get to a pharmacist.

Why hasn't he had a vasectomy in the last 4 years? He's had plenty of time, and he's the one who was adamant about no more babies.

you conceived on Christmas Eve and you already know you're pregnant. How convinced is your DH going to be that you haven't been sat on a pregnancy test since Boxing Day?

^this.

Unless he has a HUGE amount of faith in you AND you can prove you were absolutely scrupulous in your contraception, he is going to blame you.

And you weren't absolutely scrupulous in your contraception, were you? You could have got the MAP on Christmas Day. You could have got it (or an emergency IUD) on Boxing Day. Did he know your Christmas sex was 'risky'? I'd be beyond furious with you.

Ultimately it is now your choice to continue the pregnancy yes. But it looks to me very much like you may have courted an 'accidental' pregnancy to get your way.

So he had a second child 'accidently' and now a third?! He should have learnt after the second 'accident' and had a vasectomy then. TBH you're both completely feckless, bringing children into the world who aren't planned or in your husbands case even wanted.

So not really an 'accident' then. Your both to blame and ultimately your decision.

Well if he had sex without using anything he knew the possibility...

What do you normally use?

You found out pretty quick though I get the feeling you have been desperatly waiting to pee on that stick

He has no right to pressure you into a termination however it's all a bit convenient isn't it...

"I didn't feel inclined to get the MAP, especially as I wasn't the one who didn't want another baby."

Fuxache. If your husband's feelings really mean this little to you, I'm not sure why you're bothering canvassing views on here. Just crack on eh?

Honestly I didn't feel inclined to get the MAP, especially as I wasn't the one who didn't want another baby.

If he came inside you knowing you weren't on any kind of contraception then quite frankly he was planning for another child wasn't he?

If he didn't want to risk getting you pregnant he shouldn't have had unprotected sex with you. YANBU to have this baby, I don't think anyone should feel forced into a termination. If it was a deal breaker for him and he left, would he have no contact with this child even though it's his and he already has 2 DC? Doubtful. So he probably won't leave as it is as much his "fault" your pregnant as yours.

You need to prepare yourself from the fallout of this 'accident' Did you make clear to him that the xmas eve sex was in your fertile window & that you had no intention of taking MAP?
Your choices & you have to live with them, can you happily explain to your DC why you're no longer a family should he decide the 3rd child really isn't what he wants? Or what if he struggles to love this one as he didn't want it? Awful for the child.

I'm not buying it was truly "accidental" either. But you're pregnant now. If you were having unprotected sex then of course both of you were aware you could fall pregnant - what is your usual method of contraception?

I wasn't on the pill, we just had unprotected sex. So I guess it won't be a total surprise to him. Honestly I didn't feel inclined to get the MAP, especially as I wasn't the one who didn't want another baby.

Not really a surprise then. You was hoping you would fall pregnant so refused in your mind to go and get a MAP.

Yes, period was due a couple of days ago and only tested yesterday.

Oh and welcome to Mumsnet, OP.

Agree with puntastic. I think what OP's done is uncaring and irresponsible. But her husband should have taken contraceptive precautions.

Gosh what a mess. I absolutely agree that you can't be forced into a termination, but I also think it's awful to force your DH (or any man) to parent a child he expressly said he didn't want. He'll be responsible for that child emotionally and financially for at least 18 years, whether it breaks your family apart or not.

The contraception question really does change things - if neither of you took suitable care not to create a baby then yes, you should both be responsible.

The best outcome would be for your DH to have a genuine change of heart and welcome the news. Is there any chance of that OP? If not then someone will always feel resentment whatever road you choose to take now. I really feel for you all.

I guess I could have got the morning after pill but it was at Christmas so I didn't consider trying to find a chemist on Christmas Day to be honest!

Bollocks.

You will have told him you were at a 'safe' point in your cycle or something similar, you have either lied to him that it was ok to have sex or lied to convince him you don't need to rush to get a morning after pill. If he was adamant he didn't want a third child he would have made sure it was ok and trusted you.

I know this sounds really un-feminist of me but I feel really sorry for your dh. Its clear you don't give a fuck and you definitely planned this.

Shame on you, but you got what you wanted. I would never do this to my dh.

Did he know you weren't on the pill?

Did/does he think you were taking the pill?

I can't believe he willingly had unprotected sex knowing he didn't want another baby.

Exactly what PuntasticUsername said.

And yes, YABU to "just have this baby anyway" with little thought if your marriage will survive the fallout or your existing children, frankly.

Accident my arse.

So he did the thing you have to do to make a baby even though he didn't want a baby?

Are you sure he doesn't want a baby because his actions say differently.

What contraception do you both normally use?

You both sound stupid tbh, him for having unprotected sex and you for not getting MAP when you knew he didn't want another child. Your stupidity is nastier than his though, you consciously made s choice that should have been a joint decision. He was just stupid.