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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to have a 3rd baby against DH's wishes

999 replies

Babysuprise · 09/01/2017 17:02

DH and I have two lovely children - while I have always wanted more, DH only really wanted one so two was a compromise.

We have had quite heated discussions about having a third and he has always been clear he doesn't want another one.

However, I have just found out I am pregnant. I'm pretty pleased about it as I had resigned myself to just having two, but I know DH will be devastated. I haven't told him yet. AIBU to have this baby anyway?

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 09/01/2017 17:32

So it's "your body, your choice" for the OP, but her husband doesn't get a choice about having a vasectomy?

If he is adamant that he doesn't want any more children, he needs to take charge of his own fertility.

Gazelda · 09/01/2017 17:32

YANBU to have this baby. But you need to be prepared for your pregnancy to have repercussions.

ClockKeeper · 09/01/2017 17:35

What age are you?
What age are your children?
How old is dh?
What contraception were you using?

Original poster
Babysuprise · 09/01/2017 17:37

Yes, it was an accident and there was nothing underhand. I guess I could have got the morning after pill but it was at Christmas so I didn't consider trying to find a chemist on Christmas Day to be honest!

DC are 7 and 4.

OP posts:
Miserylovescompany2 · 09/01/2017 17:38

If your husband wanted to make sure that he couldn't inpregnate you then he should of had a vasectomy. No conception gives you 100% cover.

It takes two! OP didn't get pregnant on her own...daddy-to-be provided the vital ingredient!

Original poster
Babysuprise · 09/01/2017 17:39

I'm early 30s he's early 40s.

OP posts:
MycatsaPirate · 09/01/2017 17:40

Accident how? Pill forgotten? Condom break?

I do think it's very convenient that it was Christmas Day but there you go.

He only wanted one. You 'compromised' on two. Now it's going to be three.

Be prepared for a very pissed off husband.

RacoonBandit · 09/01/2017 17:40

How was it an accident? Split condom? Missed pill?

Can you not take MAP up to 3 days after unprotected sex? Sorry I have never taken it so do not know the details.

5000candlesinthewind · 09/01/2017 17:40

Yes but how was it an accident? Did you both decide to not use anything or did you forget to take your pill?
It totally changes what the answer is

PurpleDaisies · 09/01/2017 17:41

You knew you needed to take the MAP and didn't? Hmm

Andrewofgg · 09/01/2017 17:42

The one thing which is clear is that you must tell him now. Your body, your choice, but he needs to know and quickly. Good luck. I hope it turns out well.

RacoonBandit · 09/01/2017 17:42

Also did he know there had been an "accident" because if so he should not be shocked at the resulting pregnancy.

PurpleDaisies · 09/01/2017 17:42

You have three days to get the MAP or five days for the IUD.

Okkitokkiunga · 09/01/2017 17:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SilentBatperson · 09/01/2017 17:43

What type of accident? Why didn't you consider trying to find a chemist, and what were his thoughts on the matter?

As you're pregnant now, YANBU, but the info you've given so far leaves a lot of information for either or both of you to have been pretty unreasonable in the run up to this situation.

PointlessUsername · 09/01/2017 17:43

Hope DH takes it well op.

Congratulations Flowers

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 09/01/2017 17:43

was he told there was a contraceptive issue on Christmas Day?

Dutch1e · 09/01/2017 17:44

Ok so there was unprotected sex and no-one rushed out for the morning after pill. If your DH knew it was unprotected sex (that you weren't pretending you were on the pill or something) then it's an unexpected pregnancy that you are both responsible for discussing.

Is there anything else going on? Does he have a bad temper or can you make big decisions together calmly?

I only ask as it's a big conversation to have online before you have it with your husband

Original poster
Babysuprise · 09/01/2017 17:46

I wasn't on the pill, we just had unprotected sex. So I guess it won't be a total surprise to him. Honestly I didn't feel inclined to get the MAP, especially as I wasn't the one who didn't want another baby.

OP posts:
OopsThereGoMyTrousers · 09/01/2017 17:47

Not convinced that this was totally accidental.

What about this as an alternative OP?
"I'd like a third child my husband only wanted one child, so we ended up with 2 as a compromise.
My husband does not want to have a vasectomy as he is worried about complications, and possible failure. So he says the only sure fire way of avoiding another pregnancy is total celibacy.
WIBU to leave him because of no sex life? "

Emmageddon · 09/01/2017 17:47

You must have only just missed a period, if you conceived Christmas Eve. I'd say congratulations but it does concern me that your DH doesn't want another child. What if you end up single mum to three children, with DH only wanting contact with the older 2? Or are you hoping (as I would) that he will come round to the idea of being the father of 3, and fall in love with your baby once he or she is here?

ClockKeeper · 09/01/2017 17:47

Does he know you needed MAP?

PurpleDaisies · 09/01/2017 17:48

I wasn't on the pill, we just had unprotected sex.

So how did the conversation go afterwards?

thatdearoctopus · 09/01/2017 17:48

Accident, my arse!

and he'll likely think the same.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 09/01/2017 17:49

So what's your usual form of contraception? Crossed fingers?

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