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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find this creepy from DH?

185 replies

Christmasjingles · 30/12/2016 11:37

My DH keeps trying to "catch" me naked when I'm getting dressed/undressed.
I've asked him not to do it as it makes me uncomfortable and not really in the right frame of mind to feel sexy/want sex. It's been a week or so since we last had sex due to having family stay, being away, staying up really late. He says it's the onlu way he's going to see me naked and what is wrong with that? We have more family coming to stay today until Monday and have loads to do as we got back from a long journey at midnight last night.
I have tried to tell him gently that groping me while I'm cooking or washing up is not very nice for me & joked that it's always when I'm doing something subservient (although I don't find it a joke really)
What can I do to try to change this? (We've been together 13 years & have 3 dcs btw)

OP posts:
CaraAspen · 30/12/2016 11:39

Creepy?Hmm

Ilovecaindingle · 30/12/2016 11:40

Pepper spray or similar.

He is behaving like a sex pest.

KingJoffreysRestingCuntface · 30/12/2016 11:40

If he gropes you from behind after you've asked him not to you scrape the back of your heel down the front of his leg. Apply quite a bit of pressure.

I learnt that in self-defense.

PickledCauliflower · 30/12/2016 11:41

I would find it creepy too.

You have every right to dress / undress without him "catching you". You are entitled to some basic privacy!

As for the groping. Be firm with him if you have not done so already - don't let him treat it like a joke when he is invading your space.

He is acting like a bloody sex pest. Being your partner does not entitle him to see you naked or grope at you whenever he chooses.

TheMortificadosDragon · 30/12/2016 11:42

YANBU - What is wrong is that he is not respecting your bodily autonomy. I guess you just need to keep asserting yourself, and if he tries to grope you again when you're doing something domestic then how about handing the job over to him since he won't let you do it unmolested

LagunaBubbles · 30/12/2016 11:44

I don't find it creepy that he likes to see you naked, but it's different if he's touching you and you've asked him to stop.

Oddbins · 30/12/2016 11:44

it seems unusual that this behavior would just happen after such a long relationship

Is it that he has just started doing it or that you have just started minding?

My DH will do similar hugging and pinching my bum, kissing my neck and it just what we do, not in the least creepy.

Is he trying to create intimacy and misreading things? A chat rather than retaliation would seem more relevant

thebakerwithboobs · 30/12/2016 11:47

Just sounds like a clunky way of telling you he misses you. Not great, but not really creepy. If he were my husband he would be sorely disappointed anyway as I often wear a dress with tights-and nobody can be sexy putting on tights. As for the grope while you're washing up thing, respond by turning around, giving him a kiss and doing the equivalent of the Ross/Rachel bedroll leaving him in front of the dishes and you free of the chore. He got his grope, you got out of the dishes.

Trifleorbust · 30/12/2016 11:50

hmmm. I was about to say it's not creepy, just clumsy, but actually if you have told him you don't want him trying to 'catch' you naked, it shows a disregard for your choices about your body that is actually a bit creepy. I would tell him he is coming across as a sex pest - is that how he wants his wife to view him?

ChasinMyDreamJobWithEveryFibre · 30/12/2016 11:51

I don't know what's wrong with you lot?
What's wrong with a husband wanting to look at his wife?

My husband does it and even though I'm not confident in my body at all, I know he loves me and I'm just glad my husband still wants me and isn't getting bored and going elsewhere.

TBH It sounds like your not even giving him a hug let alone having any sex!

The groping when washing up thing, my DH does it and I don't mind but if you do then tell him firmly to stop it and if he's a decent man which I'm sure he is then he will stop.

Don't be half arsed when your talking about it though cos men just don't communicate in the same way as women, you have to be blatantly obvious about stuff.

Communication is absolutely the key here I think.

ChasinMyDreamJobWithEveryFibre · 30/12/2016 11:52

thebaker hahaha, I like that - Ross/Rachel thing! Must try that! Lol.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 30/12/2016 11:53

Being married to someone doesn't mean they have unlimited access to your body whenever they feel like it. You still have a right to privacy. It's odd that this has started recently though? I think you need to sit down and discuss the issue and why he is doing it. He might be sexually frustrated (which is fine) but it's not fine to start behaving in weird ways because of it.

Chippednailvarnishing · 30/12/2016 11:53

My husband does it and even though I'm not confident in my body at all, I know he loves me and I'm just glad my husband still wants me and isn't getting bored and going elsewhere

You have very low standards.

Bluntness100 · 30/12/2016 11:55

We'll it's not so good you don't want him to see you naked and link nudity with sex. You should be able to be naked and getting changed in front of your partner and not feel that is sexual.

Him them trying to catch you naked is just as weird knowing how you feel.

I think you both need to sit down and talk as something is not right here.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 30/12/2016 11:55

Chipped exactly. Are we all to now be grateful for any sexual attention we receive as the alternative is presumably being cheated on?

Boundaries · 30/12/2016 11:56

Chasin but the OP doesn't feel grateful. And she's asked him to stop.

That doesn't mean there's anything "wrong" with her, or other posters who agree. Hmm

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 30/12/2016 11:59

Yes to low standards, Chasin, maybe work on your self-esteem.

user1477282676 · 30/12/2016 11:59

What's wrong with those of you saying he misses her and a husband naturally wants to look at his wife.

FOR FUCKS SAKE SHE"S NOT A SEX TOY OR A PORN ACTOR!

He has NO right to watch her dress for his own sexual gratification UNLESS SHE INVITES HIM TO!

He doesn't own her!

OP, if he does it again, tell him to fuck right off.

Chippednailvarnishing · 30/12/2016 12:00

Clearly Show, bodly autonomy is something that you're not allowed if you are married. Hmm

thebakerwithboobs · 30/12/2016 12:00

Nothing wrong with me at all, just a different opinion from yours which is, surely, the point?

Original poster
Christmasjingles · 30/12/2016 12:01

He hasn't just started doing it, he's always done it and I've always minded.
It's taken a while for me to realise that it's not my problem that actually I don't have to turn into a coquette in the middle of thinking about how many potatoes we need, or worrying about the DCs or thinking about something sad. He's from a family of 3 brothers and they're all very much about women as sexual servants (even their mum). He's changed his views in a lot of areas, especially since having a DD, but this is still a sticking point.

OP posts:
WellErrr · 30/12/2016 12:02

.

ChasinMyDreamJobWithEveryFibre · 30/12/2016 12:04

I didn't say you had to be grateful for attention, I said I feel grateful that my husband fancies me and wants to look at me when so many other men would get bored and cheat.
My standards are not low and my husband is a very good man.

There is nothing wrong with a man wanting to look at his wife. Go in the bathroom to change if it is a major issue for you OP.

I also said the touching needs addressing properly by OP with her DH.

Don't you love it when people twist your words. 🙄

Boundaries · 30/12/2016 12:04

women as sexual servants

Lordy.

You need to explain in words of one syllable that you require him to stop this behaviour, pronto.

Chippednailvarnishing · 30/12/2016 12:05

He got his grope, you got out of the dishes

What like prostitution? You can sexually gratify yourself using my body and even though it gives me no pleasure, it's ok if I can get something in return like the washing up being done.