To find this creepy from DH?

[Christmasjingles]

My DH keeps trying to "catch" me naked when I'm getting dressed/undressed.
I've asked him not to do it as it makes me uncomfortable and not really in the right frame of mind to feel sexy/want sex. It's been a week or so since we last had sex due to having family stay, being away, staying up really late. He says it's the onlu way he's going to see me naked and what is wrong with that? We have more family coming to stay today until Monday and have loads to do as we got back from a long journey at midnight last night.
I have tried to tell him gently that groping me while I'm cooking or washing up is not very nice for me & joked that it's always when I'm doing something subservient (although I don't find it a joke really)
What can I do to try to change this? (We've been together 13 years & have 3 dcs btw)

Just can't believe that there are people like chasin who "respect" their male partners because they don't "go elsewhere - it is also suggesting that the reason these 'men' cheat is because the women didn't 'give' them enough sex. It's got to be the woman;s fault somehow! The fact that 'all her friends' husbands have cheated' is of course judged (by her) as their fault.

Jiggly that's ok, right from the start I said I didn't feel there is anything wrong with someone wanting to look at their partner naked (still don't), I don't think someone is a "weirdo" for wanting to do this (as someone here had said). However it's clear from the OPs posts that her boundaries aren't being respected and this is causing problems. Whether her DH can change or not is another matter.

Op can you say a bit more about exactly how he tries to "catch" you naked? Do you mean he waits for you to be getting changed or going in the bath or something and then comes crashing in? If so, this is very desperate and odd behaviour and totally different to accidentally walking in on you or looking at you getting changed if you're both in the bedroom. Why is he so desperate - what is wrong with him fgs?
My DH will often come up behind me in the kitchen or somewhere and kiss my neck or hug me but that's very different to groping / heavy handedness or gyrating etc. I would find that very annoying and a turn off.
Do you enjoy sex with him when it happens or do you always feel under pressure?

@jiggly, was talking to dh and he was mortified I'd told mumsnet about our pulling joggers down thing. He keeps checking the daily mail website :)

It's like you say, mutual consent is key. If he thought for one second I wouldn't laugh he'd not do it, and vice versa. If I'm stressed or angry or feeling bad about something he knows it's not time for jokes, and that I wouldn't appreciate it or laugh. He knows when it's appropriate to do it, not because he's some kind of super mind reader or unaware of how dickish it would be, it's because he's not a selfish sex pest. If something should ever happen and he ends up with a different partner, he has the basic common sense to know that because I like something, it doesn't mean future partners will.

Dh is 43 too btw, I dont think age is a get out clause and as for the suggestion that OP educate him? She's educating him when she says no, she's educating him when she tells him how it makes her feel. He just doesn't care.

Anyone who keeps seeking someone out to do something to them that they have continuously asked them not because they feel uncomfortable with it, knows perfectly well how dickish it is, he knows how he is making his wife feel because she's told him, he chooses to keep doing it cos he's an entitled twat.

When we say things like men of that age don't know better, or men don't get it, it's an insult to men in general, most men are not stupid enough to think what the op describes is ok and wouldn't do it to their own wives and it also gives excuses for the ones who think they are entitled to their wives bodies whenever they want to hide behind while planting all the blame (she's weird for not liking it etc) and the responsibilty for fixing it ( have sex with him more, educate him, lock bathroom door,) and then the blame if he cheats too?

The blame lies with the DH, he knows what he's doing, hes been told, he's the person who should be fixing it, if he really really can't stop himself groping and sneaking up on her he needs to see a GP. He has no excuse for behaving the way he is imo.

Apologies I misunderstood @LagunaBubbles and totally agree. @JustWoman

DH is mid thirties.
Zaya he does it in a jokey way; He pretends to burst into the room & say "oh, I was hoping to catch you with no clothes on" often accompanied by jokey humping and grabbing and wheeling "oh go on" etc & I just want to get dressed ffs.
Sometimes, I find it impossible to know whether I'd like sex or not as I don't get the chance to even think about it before he's dry humping me when his parents are in the next room or the dcs are about. It's mostly jokey, but it has an extremely stressful undertone for me that I can't get across to him.
Whether or not it's my problem is irrelevant, as it's not behaviour that I can accept.

You can get it across perfectly well, he just ain't listening.

OP, this thread really hit home for me. I love my H of 25 years but if we ever get divorced it will be because of this. I am sick to death of it, we've been to Relate twice, he admits its his problem, cuts it down for about a year or so then gradually starts again. The worst one was 2 years ago, had an auto immune illness which caused extreme fatigue. We have a very high bed, 2 mattresses on top of each other. I used to come out of my morning shower exhausted, lean against the high bed and flop face down to recover for about ten minutes. So legs still on floor, top half resting across bed. Every day there were innuendo's, "very nice, but not right now love", "thankyou for this lovely view", etc. Told him over and over I felt ill and was trying to get my strength back. Apologised but next day same thing. So banned him during shower times, sent downstairs like little kid. One day he'd been in the loo and forgot and came in bedroom. I was face down on bed, getting strength and breath back and H started dry humping from behind. I kicked back with one of my legs which hurt him and I gave him the biggest bollocking ever. Gutter mouth swearing, the lot. He claimed he'd completely forgotten that I was having to do that every morning and he was just having a joke! He's never done that since but still makes innuendo's every day which I completely ignore. I think my H must be either extremely thick or has a genuine sex pest illness / addiction. I don't understand because apart from this he's great husband and dad! WTF is up with him? I really can see us ending in divorce with him saying pathetically " I just can't help it, I keep forgetting". Sorry OP, using your thread to get this off my chest. But YADNBU!!

Vapours - you totally have my sympathy.

This was one of the major co tributing factors in me divorcing my ex.
Always trying to caTch me in the bath, or changing. Sticking his hands down my trousers when I was washing up or tidying or on the phone.
I can't tell you how on edge and stressed my body felt in the years we were together. It killed my sex drive and affection.
He was only 30 when we divorced but just could not stop himself, even when I shouted/cried etc. Hes a smart educated man but could not for the life of him understand he had no right to my body.

even when I shouted/cried etc

Wow what a psycho
Hearing about all these men's behaviour makes me so angry. Looks like 2017 needs a "men you don't own a woman's body just because you are together" campaign.

vapours

I'm sorry you're going through that.

Does he forget things concerning his own and others bodily autonomy on such a regular basis or is it just yours? If for example you had a thing for sticking a finger up his bum during sex and he hated it but you enjoyed a
It and kept forgetting, would he pull you up and prevent you from doing it?

It's so hard to imagine yourself in the reverse role because you can't comprehend continuously doing the same to same to him when you knowing it makes him upset and feeling like shit, and if you did have some kind of compulsion that meant you can't stop, you know you wouldn't just continue and say "sorry". You'd be getting specialist help for yourself. It hurts to think he's not doing the same and is less painful to assume he's thick, Otherwise it is that he is actively ignoring your autonomy and knowingly upsetting you and making you feel uncomfortable and. It caring to fix it, or that you don't matter enough or shouldn't get a say in what he does to your body, and that idea can be difficult to align with a man who is perfect in every other area. If you have a dd, what would you tell her to do? I'm sorry he's doing that to you, but no matter how nice he is he doesn't have the right to do that and I hope he stops before he ruins your marriage. He can't say after 25 years you've not given him chance to fix things

awoof

Glad you got away from him. A friend of a friend would talk about her ex doing similar and how she'd have a way of picking things up that had her sort of squatting sideways so he couldn't pounce scuttle her, or a way of lying in bed so her back wasn't to him, or how she'd wash up when he wasn't there. He'd turn the most banal of actions into an innuendo. She'd say something like "I'm going to pick up the shopping" and he'd be "bet that's not all you pick up, nudge nudge, I wouldn't mind being picked up wink wink". Several times a day. His behaviour actually influenced her choice of appliances when getting a new kitchen, she didn't want an oven she'd have to bend over to access :( turning point for her was having a dd and imagining her dd coming her normalising the same behaviour from a future partner.

Thanks for that, JustWoman. Really food for thought because I do have a grown up dd. And recognised myself in your reply to Awoof. Thankyou.

I cannot believe these men forget, they just hope that women stop fighting them. It's entitled and very predatory. I would give one warning and explain that if it happens again then they can leave. You do not have to put up with this shit, no woman has to put up with this shit.

But Dame the poor ickle menz. They can't be expected to remember not to touch up women who have told them not to, Honestly, what do you think they are? People, just like women?

#willnobodythinkofthemenz

This reminds me of a story told by me exSIL about my ex's DF (her FIL). He used to think it funny to come behind her, grab her large breasts and juggle them. She thought it funny as did my ex and her DH. Maybe I'm prudish but I was, and am still shocked. I think I would have punched him. SIL would have been about 14 the first time (childhood sweethearts with BIL). He died before I was on the scene and they all talk about how wonderful and funny he was. I must be missing something...

Blueskyrain

I'm a tactile person with a decent libido who loves their DP.... but that definitely doesn't mean I'm always in the mood to be groped!

And to suggest that there's something seriously wrong given that she doesn't, means you think there's something wrong with the vast majority of happy, long-term relationships!

I don't think it's weird or creepy that your husband likes to see you naked. Most men like to see naked women, preferably in the flesh but if not then they resort to pornography.

You seem to associate nudity with sex. They can be kept apart, just because you don't want sex doesn't mean that it is necessarily a problem for you to be seen naked, or see someone naked.

You seem to associate nudity with sex

RTFT

Her "D"H associates nudity with sex.

The nudity issue is with her DH.
Of course it's normal to be undressed / undressing in front of your partner, but if they see it as an opportunity to "catch you naked" it becomes an intrusion of privacy - and a nuisance.

If your partner is constantly making innuendos, groping, gyrating against you it would be tiresome to most women. And a total turn off too.

Snatched

Do you ever RTFT?

I totaly get where you are coming from op.
An ex of mine did the same.
Wouldnt spend an hour or 2 in the pm with me on the sofa chatting or watching tv, but would spend it chatting to his mates on internet games then txt me to 'come upstairs' 'he was ready for me' etc nudge nudge wink wink. What a turn on!
Also the groping, the fumbling while I was doing the dishes, especially if he was expecting his mate to come round. Think he thought that 'dangerous' sex was a turn on for me! WTF. No amount of speaking to him as an adult mattered, he would just 'forget' and do it again.

It ended up with me being put off sex so much I just couldnt put the other stuff out my mind even when we were in bed dtd and felt like a bloody sex doll. As he wouldnt even listen to my side of the problem his solution was to leave and basicaly blame me for 'becoming frigid'.

Make your feelings clear NOW OP dont let it fester on. If he cant understand then tell him to sod off. This will wear you down till you dont have any self worth, I know I was there. It took me a long time to really believe I was worth more than that.

This "forgetting" I think is actually a complete dismissal of it from the mind. As if it's so irrelevant the thought is not even worth holding on to. Similar to us for example, writing bread on the shopping reminder. Routine, unimportant. Sobering thought.

Buy a lock

roarityroar for where? His eyelids?