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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To speak to this boy's mum?

214 replies

BecauseOfYou · 29/11/2016 21:42

My DD (age 4) ) gets a school bus to and from school everyday. It's roughly a 45 min journey each way, and up to now has been enjoying it, as she's made a friend who she sits with everyday. I let her take in a little notepad and a couple of pencils for her and her friend to draw, as I'd imagine it must get quite boring.

One other boy gets on at her stop, he is 8 - my DD has come to know him and knows his name etc. Today she got off the bus upset, saying that this boy and two others had taken her notebook and ripped it up. She'd told the bus driver and the boys denied it, saying it was my DD (I know 100% that she wouldn't make this up), and then continued to destroy her stuff while the bus driver was driving. They were also telling everyone that my DD had done a poo on the bus, and to top it off, told her santa isn't real.

I do see his mum everyday but she seems quite unapproachable and has never spoken to me. I'm gutted that her stuff has been ruined, and I won't be sending in another notepad which is a shame as my DD and her friend enjoy drawing etc on the bus as it fills the time. Also sad that my four year old is already questioning santa.

What do I do? Do I raise it with the boys mum?

OP posts:
franincisco · 29/11/2016 21:46

The questioning santa would be the least of my worries OP. Is this a school bus? Or maybe you are outside UK, as it would be very unusual for a 4 year old to be getting the bus unaccompanied? I would not talk to the parent, talk to the school.

PragmaticWench · 29/11/2016 21:48

Is there no supervising adult apart from the driver? That seems like a recipe for disaster.

missyB1 · 29/11/2016 21:48

Is there any other way she could get to school? I think this situation is very hard on a 4 year old! Why is she Olin the bus?

Original poster
BecauseOfYou · 29/11/2016 21:49

It's a school bus, and yes we're in the UK - I know it's unusual but it's because the school doesn't have a catchment and covers a whole council area, free buses are provided if you live more than a mile away.

I will request a meeting with the school, just didn't know if catching the mum at the bus stop would be easier.

OP posts:
PlinkPlonkPlunk · 29/11/2016 21:49

I agree... Talk to the school. They might have more insight, and more experience in dealing with this. If you talk to the mum, she might just deny it and walk off.

Original poster
BecauseOfYou · 29/11/2016 21:49

There is no other adult on the bus apart from the driver, no.

OP posts:
5OBalesofHay · 29/11/2016 21:50

You can't put a 4 year old on the bus by themselves

BarbarianMum · 29/11/2016 21:50

Talk to the school not the mum. Then they can deal with all the boys.

Original poster
BecauseOfYou · 29/11/2016 21:51

It's a designated school bus, I'm not just sticking her on the number 3

OP posts:
DixieWishbone · 29/11/2016 21:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IJustWantABrew · 29/11/2016 21:51

If she still wants to draw send her with a couple of pages of blank paper and her crayons?
Talk to the school first and see if they will maybe talk to the kids about respecting other people's things, and how to behave on the buses. If he continues have a word with the mother.
It's awful that she's so young and he's said santa isn't real.

cheekybean · 29/11/2016 21:53

Straight into school, take no crap from them. This cant go on. Your DD may not be the first or last target. In my experience, after my son was bullied, mothers of bullies can never see their child for the nasty little bullies they are.

Sorry but bullying makes me so angry. I was bullied throughout school and i never want any child to suffer like i did

Original poster
BecauseOfYou · 29/11/2016 21:54

Thank you for the advice Dixie, that's really helpful.

IJustWant, the school have sent out strict guidelines about behaviour on the buses a few times this year already, I'm disappointed that it's not being adhered to.

OP posts:
bumsexatthebingo · 29/11/2016 21:54

Maybe speak to the driver as he/she is clearly in charge of the children and solving disputes while trying to.drive a bus. I'm surprised this is allowed - especially with kids so young.

Howaboutthisone · 29/11/2016 21:56

This is awful! Your poor daughter. I don't understand why there's no chaperone on the bus. This is what happens as standard where we are. Some children as young as 4 are on the bus here. I wasn't totally comfortable with it for my very shy child and was lucky that my in laws are happy to help out lots. But those who haven't had that option at least have the reassurance of a chaperone charged with actually looking at the kids while the driver looks at the road.

Original poster
BecauseOfYou · 29/11/2016 21:57

I was bullied too when I was young and I want to nip this in the bud right away. Will request a meeting with the school tomorrow, thanks for the advice.

OP posts:
stonecircle · 29/11/2016 21:57

If there is no other adult on the bus other than the driver, what happens if she gets upset or feels ill? Presumably there are older children on the bus - what happens if she is persuaded to get off at the wrong stop? What happens if she falls asleep/ gets engrossed in something and misses her stop?

Could you find out, perhaps via the school, if there is an older child on the bus who would look after her?

IJustWantABrew · 29/11/2016 21:57

If guidelines have been sent out and it's been ignored have a chat with the school. I can't imagine there is much the driver can do on his own. He won't really be able to discipline the kids I wouldn't have thought.
Do the kids have to sit in certain seats? Tell you daughter to try and sit as far away from him or as close to the driver as she can.

Original poster
BecauseOfYou · 29/11/2016 21:58

I thought there would be a chaperone too, was a bit unsure when I found out there wasn't - I'd imagine it must be a funding issue as the school must have about 25 coaches and mini buses going to the school everyday. All been fine up until now Sad

OP posts:
BastardGoDarkly · 29/11/2016 21:59

Yes, talk to the bus company and the school, nip it in the bud.

My two get a bus from our village into school, we're rural, they're 9&5 haven't had any real problems, but squabbles on the bus happen, and there's only the driver, down to funding probably.

Meanwhile I'd tell the driver and sit her and her friend behind him, get her a new notepad, poor DD:(

Only1scoop · 29/11/2016 22:00

Reception age DC unaccompanied on a bus. Just doesn't sound acceptable somehow.

Original poster
BecauseOfYou · 29/11/2016 22:00

I'm not concerned about missing stop/falling asleep etc as the bus driver doesn't let the children off if there isn't someone there to collect, he also knows which stop every child gets off at. And if she fell asleep I'd get on the bus and wake her!

OP posts:
Alorsmum · 29/11/2016 22:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tootsietoo · 29/11/2016 22:01

My two DDs have gone on the school bus from reception onwards. In hindsight they were very young, but they are both old for their year and the journey is only 20 minutes on a small mini-bus. I think it has been great for them, socially and for developing independence.

There have very occasionally been problems on our buses, and it usually seems to be the school that deals with it. So I would suggest first speaking to the school. They should be able to set some rules about where the boys causing the trouble need to sit. I think it is pretty hard on the driver as obviously they have to try to enforce the rules, but it seems to have worked on our buses. Sometimes the boss-man driver will take over a particular route for a week or two to sort them out! Our buses are not as bad as the bus to the local private schools - which have children from age 7-18 on them for 45 minutes and no supervision, and from what I hear they are all go a bit feral!

happy2bhomely · 29/11/2016 22:04

I cannot imagine putting my 4 yr old on a bus, practically unsupervised.

How many are on the bus?