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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To speak to this boy's mum?

214 replies

BecauseOfYou · 29/11/2016 21:42

My DD (age 4) ) gets a school bus to and from school everyday. It's roughly a 45 min journey each way, and up to now has been enjoying it, as she's made a friend who she sits with everyday. I let her take in a little notepad and a couple of pencils for her and her friend to draw, as I'd imagine it must get quite boring.

One other boy gets on at her stop, he is 8 - my DD has come to know him and knows his name etc. Today she got off the bus upset, saying that this boy and two others had taken her notebook and ripped it up. She'd told the bus driver and the boys denied it, saying it was my DD (I know 100% that she wouldn't make this up), and then continued to destroy her stuff while the bus driver was driving. They were also telling everyone that my DD had done a poo on the bus, and to top it off, told her santa isn't real.

I do see his mum everyday but she seems quite unapproachable and has never spoken to me. I'm gutted that her stuff has been ruined, and I won't be sending in another notepad which is a shame as my DD and her friend enjoy drawing etc on the bus as it fills the time. Also sad that my four year old is already questioning santa.

What do I do? Do I raise it with the boys mum?

OP posts:
Wheredidallthejaffacakesgo · 29/11/2016 22:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 29/11/2016 23:00

God yes how could a driver manage alone if the bus even just had a prang, throwing the kids forward/ scaring them? Especially if they hadn't noticed a few kids unclipping their seat belts, which they couldn't possibly notice if watching the road?

I was on a bus about 9 months ago at 8am, so full of school kids. It hit the car in front quite gently and the impact threw some people forward and rendered a lot of (senior school) kids quite hysterical.

In fact even I nearly shit myself with shock.

bellie710 · 29/11/2016 23:00

Exactly we have 30 in our school!!

Stopyourhavering · 29/11/2016 23:00

My dcs all went on school bus from age 4 ( also rural area) the yr 6 dcs acted as bus monitors and took great delight in reporting any wrong doers to the teachers....worked well and have them a sense of responsibility
Definitely report to head teacher

TinselTwins · 29/11/2016 23:00

The OPs bus situation is not unusual in areas where kids don't get any catchment schools, a lot of primary aged kids are bussed out to a school further away where I live because they have spaces for kids that don't get any offers for their own catchment.

It's a private minibus, kids don't get off without their adult there, it's not that strange.

Willow2016 · 29/11/2016 23:01

No chaperones on the bus here either. Its pretty standard as live in a rural area and kids come from all over. Small villages which dont support a school, farms, etc. If you live over a certain milage from school you get a free bus.

OP speak to the school they will know the boys and deal with it.

angelofmylifetime · 29/11/2016 23:02

the funding comes through the council for the chaperones, its part of the service they should be providing but many have been eroded as "cost cutting" without a true understanding of the risks involved.

There is no funding for chaperones in my rural county, unless it is for children who attend special schools. This has been the case for over 10 years. I agree there are risks, and the bus driver cannot compromise his safe driving by behaviour management also. It can be an awful and yes occasionally very dangerous system but it won't be changing any time soon...sadly.

WorraLiberty · 29/11/2016 23:03

Jeez I wondered when 'townies' would be mentioned >

And yes Shosha I'm sure we all know not everyone lives in a town within walking distance of a school.

However, what does that have to do with some people being shocked that there is no adult supervision on the bus?

TinselTwins · 29/11/2016 23:06

p.s. for all the posters clutching pears about how they wouldn't use a bus for primary kids because they love their kids NEARLY as much as Peter Andre does:
It is literally the ONLY way to get to the out of catchment school from our area without leaving at the crack of dawn: on public transport its 2 bus changes on 3 buses each way, and to drive it goes through ALL of the morning traffic hot-spots if you can't use bus lanes and takes bloody ages to get there.
They don't provide a free mini-bus for no reason, they provide a free bus because all of the out of catchment kids were late all the time without one.

Shosha1 · 29/11/2016 23:08

Because, apart from SN schools, I have never known a school bus have a chaperone in the 40 years I have been meeting rural school buses, in various parts of Britain.

Original poster
BecauseOfYou · 29/11/2016 23:09

Thank you for the support in the recent posts! I know it's probably a bit unusual for some people, but didn't expect the onslaught.

Thanks again to everyone who offered advice. I'm quite glad I don't have to say anything to the mum as I'm a big wimp!

OP posts:
pregnantat50 · 29/11/2016 23:09

just wondering if none of the children take off their seat belts for the journey how did this lad get hold of DDs notebook

WorraLiberty · 29/11/2016 23:10

What happens though if a child gets sick all over their lap?

Does the driver pull over and make everyone late for school while they clean the child up, or does the child sit in their vomit until they reach school?

Genuine question because I just don't understand how the drivers manage alone.

WorraLiberty · 29/11/2016 23:12

Exactly pregnant and if they're all so well behaved, how do these things even happen?

TinselTwins · 29/11/2016 23:13

There's not a lot of "cleaning up" you can do on a bus? surely better to get to school ASAP where the child can change into their PE kit and wait to be picked up?

lostgirl66 · 29/11/2016 23:13

A bit off topic and not a criticism but I I can't believe there isn't at least one chaperone on a bus with 4 year olds on it!!

Not in a literally can't believe you way, but a victor melldew doesn't believe it sort of way!

Original poster
BecauseOfYou · 29/11/2016 23:13

Pregnant - not sure but it's a coach with slight gaps between the seats so could have been grabbed from there, it's also not unknown for DD to drop absolutely everything on the ground so could have been picked up from there. I'll ask her in the morning.

Not sure Worra, that specific potential occurrence wasn't covered in the handbook

OP posts:
SuperPug · 29/11/2016 23:17

Your poor dd. I used to go on an unchaperoned school bus, one of the passengers was four year old. No issues but these kids sound horrible Sad I'm not sure what kind of child does that to a four year old, or any child for that matter.
Go through the school but I would ask for an appropriate punishment to be given to these pupils and to ask what can be done to ensure DD's safety. I appreciate potential lack of funds for a chaperone but this seems pretty vital, considering the behaviour. Perhaps a temporary ban could be given for bad behaviour? If you can't be well behaved, you don't get to use it and parents make other arrangements.

angelofmylifetime · 29/11/2016 23:17

Does the driver pull over and make everyone late for school while they clean the child up, or does the child sit in their vomit until they reach school?

Legally the children have to sit in their own vomit, as despite being DBS checked this would be something the bus drivers are not supposed to do. Their job is to drive safely from A to B.

When my children were in reception year they had to share the bus with children from senior schools also. One one occasion a senior school boy of about 15 was bullying the younger children. The bus driver in this case stopped the school bus and demanded the 15 year old get off the bus (to much cheering). But the driver then lost his job as he was supposed to just drive regardless of anything happening behind him.

ellei · 29/11/2016 23:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ameliablue · 29/11/2016 23:19

My two have been on the bus since P 1 and no there is no chaperone but misbehavior is not tolerated and the older ones look after the younger. In fact from what I have heard there are more problems with behaviour in the secondary school bus.

I would probably not say anything for the first time but if it happens again, I'd speak to the school rather than the parent.

CartwheelGirl · 29/11/2016 23:20

That's really terrible. I would be very angry and yes you need to talk to the school, not the parent. I know there's usually no one else apart from the driver on a school bus, as it would mean the extra expense of hiring somebody, but for that age group it can't be right!

My kids were taking the school bus aged 7 and 9, and I thought that was young, tbh. Doable, but young. Plus they had the benefit of having each other as siblings. Four is way too young, and other parents doing it, doesn't make it right. That's effectively a group of unsupervised very young children, because the driver needs to pay attention to the road and can't be distracted. How does school get away with it, I have no idea!

We had some incidents on the school bus, and they were dealt with, but nothing as bad as what you describe. Raise it with the school.

Starlight2345 · 29/11/2016 23:21

I can say this is a school issue...Take it into school.

You say the mum seems unapproachable..I doubt this will improve by you telling her her DS is a mean thug... which he will deny

AddToBasket · 29/11/2016 23:22

'Ask them to investigate' - investigate what, though? An 8yo boy being 8yo boyish?

Good behaviour for 1hr 30mins a day on a bus day after day is unlikely to go smoothly without adult supervision. Surely anyone who has been on a family trip/outing knows this. Blaming the boy is not going to help. It'll keep happening until the end of time. That's why there are playground supervisors.

CartwheelGirl · 29/11/2016 23:22

The bus driver in this case stopped the school bus and demanded the 15 year old get off the bus (to much cheering). But the driver then lost his job as he was supposed to just drive regardless of anything happening behind him.

Kudos to the driver who could see right from wrong. Driving school buses can be terribly stressful.