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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To speak to this boy's mum?

214 replies

BecauseOfYou · 29/11/2016 21:42

My DD (age 4) ) gets a school bus to and from school everyday. It's roughly a 45 min journey each way, and up to now has been enjoying it, as she's made a friend who she sits with everyday. I let her take in a little notepad and a couple of pencils for her and her friend to draw, as I'd imagine it must get quite boring.

One other boy gets on at her stop, he is 8 - my DD has come to know him and knows his name etc. Today she got off the bus upset, saying that this boy and two others had taken her notebook and ripped it up. She'd told the bus driver and the boys denied it, saying it was my DD (I know 100% that she wouldn't make this up), and then continued to destroy her stuff while the bus driver was driving. They were also telling everyone that my DD had done a poo on the bus, and to top it off, told her santa isn't real.

I do see his mum everyday but she seems quite unapproachable and has never spoken to me. I'm gutted that her stuff has been ruined, and I won't be sending in another notepad which is a shame as my DD and her friend enjoy drawing etc on the bus as it fills the time. Also sad that my four year old is already questioning santa.

What do I do? Do I raise it with the boys mum?

OP posts:
Original poster
BecauseOfYou · 29/11/2016 22:07

Not sure as were only the third stop, usually about 5 or 6 on by that point.

It wasn't easy but she's loved it up until now. we've just grown used to it as being part of her school today.

OP posts:
Ellieboolou27 · 29/11/2016 22:12

I'm really shocked that a school would be OK to let 4 year olds travel 45 minutes on a bus with no chaperone! I'd never let my 4yo dd on that bus, regardless of catchment area, it's far too young to go without a responsible adult And I'm by no means a prescious parent.
Take it up with the school first.

Original poster
BecauseOfYou · 29/11/2016 22:16

In your opinion it's far too young, but for this particular school it's the norm. 90% of primary one parents send their children on the school bus.

OP posts:
AddToBasket · 29/11/2016 22:18

The problem is not an 8yo on the bus, it is an unsupervised 4yo on the bus. Of course stuff like this is going to happen. You would expect them to be supervised in the playground.

Sorry OP, but your DD is too young for a bus. I wouldn't do this before 6 or 7yo, and even then, it would depend on the general age of the peer group.

MigsSlippers · 29/11/2016 22:21

Start with her teacher, if only to find out what to do next. If it's a private school the "rules" may be different, I don't know, but at state schools anyway any bullying issues are best addressed through school.

YR is little but it is still the norm in some rural areas. Which means the bus/teaching staff will have come across similar issues before.

Littlepeople12345 · 29/11/2016 22:23

No way would I let a 4 year old on the bus without an adult. How can the driver cope sorting out problems whilst driving. Madness!

WorraLiberty · 29/11/2016 22:25

That's fucking crazy not having a chaperone on the bus with kids as young as 4?! Shock

Does the driver have to make sure they've done their seatbelts up properly? What if they undo their belts?

Or if there are no belts on the bus, what if the kids get up and start moving around?

I'm fairly unshockable but....blimey.

Original poster
BecauseOfYou · 29/11/2016 22:26

To be fair, I wasn't really asking whether people thought putting my DD on the bus was appropriate, but rather how to tackle the situation she was in.

I won't stop putting her on the bus, and this particular school operates a little differently from most , as I said approx 90% of the pupils arrive (unchaperoned) to the school via coach or mini bus.

Thank you for the advice everyone, I'm going to be emailing the head tomorrow for a meeting.

OP posts:
Original poster
BecauseOfYou · 29/11/2016 22:27

Yes there are seatbelts and yes the bus driver checks them - the school is about 7 miles away but journey takes so long because of this.

OP posts:
BastardGoDarkly · 29/11/2016 22:28

it's not madness, it's a way of life for a LOT of people!

Generally the children are really well behaved, older ones look out for the younger ones, and they're met at both ends, the driver has on occasion, kept the doors shut at the end, and given them a talking to, does the trick.

It's not a big deal, but yes OP, the boy in question needs talking to, but by the school, I wouldn't bother talking to his Mum.

WorraLiberty · 29/11/2016 22:28

And from a safeguarding POV, what driver in their right mind wants to be alone with a kid on the bus?

That could quite easily happen at the first or last stop.

Even teachers and the SLT at my local primary school, aren't allowed to be alone in a car with a child if for example they had to drive them somewhere.

Original poster
BecauseOfYou · 29/11/2016 22:29

Thank you BastardGoDarkly

OP posts:
BastardGoDarkly · 29/11/2016 22:30

They're all made to wear their seat belts, and no one takes them off to walk about, it's just not tolerated.

MigsSlippers · 29/11/2016 22:30

I hope that meeting does the trick OP.

MollyHuaCha · 29/11/2016 22:32

School buses are a nightmare. DS took one for 5 yrs. There were so many problems for such a short journey. The bus monitor sat at the front and pretended she couldn't see and hear what was going on. The reality of using the bus was quite different to the way it was sold to parents... really expensive too. Once he was old enough and confident enough, he walked to and from school and was much happier.

bellie710 · 29/11/2016 22:32

You can't put a 4 year old on the bus by themselves???

What a stupid statement! If you can't put a 4 year old on the bus why do you think they are picking her up along with all the other children??

Not everyone lives close to their school, we live in the country where nearly all the children get a bus to school ranging from 4-11 some are only on it for a few minutes others for 40 minutes. The catchment area is huge and there are no pavements or regular buses to get to school, therefore unless you fancy a 6 mile walk with your 4 year old child they get the bus!!!

Speak to the school, they are usually the first point of contact, or if you know the contractor speak to them, I wouldn't bother speaking to the parent personally if you don't know her.

BastardGoDarkly · 29/11/2016 22:32

It's not normally like that Worra a big group of them get dropped off the bus at a point where all the parents wait, it's not bus stop stops as such.

teaandakitkat · 29/11/2016 22:32

I wouldn't speak to the boys mum. She might well just deny it anyway, or if she knows he has problems behaving then it will just make her feel rubbish.

Talk to the school. If the driver is not able to control behaviour on the bus then there needs to be an escort.

Hopefully it's just a one-off, but I'd hate to think of her journey to school being miserable every day, that's not good enough. The school need to take some responsibility for sorting it out.

Mishegoss · 29/11/2016 22:34

I'm shocked by this. I had horrendous experiences on my school bus and I was aged 14 onwards :( it seems crazy a little 4 year old is expected to manage it without a chaperone but if that's what the council is providing I guess it is what it is. Definitely nip it in the bud as soon as possible. I used to dread every single journey. Nobody should have to feel that way.

WorraLiberty · 29/11/2016 22:35

They're all made to wear their seat belts, and no one takes them off to walk about, it's just not tolerated.

What about just unclipping them in general?

The driver's not going to notice that with their eyes on the road, whereas a chaperone would, because part of their job would be to look out for it.

LightDrizzle · 29/11/2016 22:36

Probably not a good idea, but I felt sneaky admiration on hearing my colleague's daughter's direct approach to the same problem: she lay in wait for the bully and snarled in her face "I know what you've been doing and I'm telling you now, whatever you do to our Ashley, I'll do to your mam!"

SteppingOnToes · 29/11/2016 22:37

Reception/year 1 children travelling on the school bus is quite common in rural areas - they are escorted on the bus and escorted off at the other end. No chaperone is uncommon though... Ususally the youngest are supposed to sit behind the driver/chaperone which tends to stop any funny business from the older ones picking on the younger ones.

OP I'd ask the school to have a word with the boys involved but also tell your daughter to sit at the front behind the driver to reduce the chance of it happening. I hope it gets sorted.

Alexandriaaaa · 29/11/2016 22:38

How can you bear to put your baby on a bus with no adult, so that this sort of thing can happen to her?

I can't understand that at all. I have a two year old DD. I'd sooner move than put her in such a vulnerable position at aged 4.

A nursery in Dundee runs a set up like this. They left a disabled, non-verbal three year old child sitting on a bus for a full day. An oversight, they forgot about him. No one realised he was there. He stayed there until the driver got back on the bus to drive them home at half three. Google it. This was recent.

I realise this is an extreme example, but I just couldn't contemplate taking a risk like that.

Madhouse05 · 29/11/2016 22:38

My advice is to email the school asap! Am flabbergasted by the number of people on here who don't have any idea how 'normal' the school bus is in more rural and even semi rural areas....I live in a tiny tiny village (no facilities, local amenities whatsoever) which has a section of council housing where there are a good few non drivers..how else would their children get to school?! Our school are totally on it with any bus behaviour issues and, once in possession of facts, will haul in pupils and their parents immediately...with the threat of withdrawal of use of the bus service (and most parents would MUCH rather their kids get to school than not so sort it). Email school asap voicing your concerns and what your dd has told you and asking them to investigate.

CitySnicker · 29/11/2016 22:38

Not ideal, but our school (Scotland too) has kids from p1 / 4years old on bus with only the driver. Def take it up with the school.