To speak to this boy's mum?

[BecauseOfYou]

My DD (age 4) ) gets a school bus to and from school everyday. It's roughly a 45 min journey each way, and up to now has been enjoying it, as she's made a friend who she sits with everyday. I let her take in a little notepad and a couple of pencils for her and her friend to draw, as I'd imagine it must get quite boring.

One other boy gets on at her stop, he is 8 - my DD has come to know him and knows his name etc. Today she got off the bus upset, saying that this boy and two others had taken her notebook and ripped it up. She'd told the bus driver and the boys denied it, saying it was my DD (I know 100% that she wouldn't make this up), and then continued to destroy her stuff while the bus driver was driving. They were also telling everyone that my DD had done a poo on the bus, and to top it off, told her santa isn't real.

I do see his mum everyday but she seems quite unapproachable and has never spoken to me. I'm gutted that her stuff has been ruined, and I won't be sending in another notepad which is a shame as my DD and her friend enjoy drawing etc on the bus as it fills the time. Also sad that my four year old is already questioning santa.

What do I do? Do I raise it with the boys mum?

fundamentally you need a chaperone on the bus as the driver is insufficient when you have 4 yr olds and potentially 11 yr olds behaving inappropriately, they are too vunerable. The school my daughter was at has buses for a much shorter distance and the chaperone was cut and then fought for and won it back - I think check out on line where else this might have happened and see if there is something about how to go about challenging the lack of chaperone. In my view this is a safeguarding issue not least around these children should be strapped in and stay seated.

We too live in a rural area and yes shock horror 4 year olds getting the bus is quite normal. I am really surprised that there is any sort of implication that the OP is doing anything wrong in this!

Yes but Worra they could do that in the back of your car, but they don't do they? They behave, because they know arseing about on a bus/in a car, with no seatbelt on is dangerous dont they?

Posted too early! My friend had a similar situation with her 5 year old - was a case of absolutely dreadful language towards her. She got the school involved, older child was suspended for a day, no trouble since. I wouldn't involve the parents directly - let school deal with it first.

It's the lack of chaperone, Elmer. Personally I wouldn't do it with a chaperone, but that's just me. Without a chaperone though, I think it's just crazy.

But who would fund the chaperones? I am assuming anyone shocked by this doesn't live in rural areas - it is completely normal round us!

...here's another one! Lots of island kids board at secondary school through the week, miles away from home. The only option is boarding school!

Bastard not all 4 year olds are that sensible are they?

In fact not all 8 year olds are that sensible or the OP wouldn't have a problem with the boy ripping up her DD's notepad.

And you can't compare it to the back of a car where the parent can see in the rear view mirror, whether they have their belts on or not.

I should say that for the challenge we did it surrounded who had responsibility for the children on the bus and that it was a grey area, technically a child is the parents responsibility until in school, however the bus service was contracted by the council, when we started making noises about their liability particularly around safeguarding for the younger ones they magically found the necessary resource to fund the chaperone for 1 hr a day (or even less that that as ours was a shorter journey).

I must just not care about my child as much as you care about yours Alexandriaaaa.

Also OP, dont stop sending her with her notebook if she enjoys it then the bullies just win.

We had this when I was at school. Young children in prep came on as well as the older ones, wasn't seen as any issue. We didn't have a chaperone but the older girls looked out for the younger ones.

I don't think you should talk to the mother OP- speak with the school, they should be the ones dealing with this behaviour. From what you have said about her being a bit unapproachable, I think you would risk the situation worsening if you chose to speak to her directly.

My DD is sensible. She's been well warned by me about her behaviour on the bus, keeping her seatbelt on, not getting up.

Someone mentioned earlier, about the older ones looking after the little ones - this was very much the case until my DD made a friend her age, now she chooses to sit with her.

My issue here isn't whether it's right or wrong for me to put my child on a bus, but an 8 year old picking on a child half his age.

the funding comes through the council for the chaperones, its part of the service they should be providing but many have been eroded as "cost cutting" without a true understanding of the risks involved.

so for e.g. if there was an accident (and yes we had this happen) and all children on the coach needed to be kept at the side of the road who would look after then and what was the risk of the driver having been injured in said accident? Would they be able to manage 52 plus kids by themselves in a roadside situation?

I don't think anyone's shocked that some kids us a school bus (or go to boarding school?!)

But it is quite shocking to have a bus full of kids ranging from just 4yrs upwards and no adequate supervision.

The driver simply can't watch the kids and the roads, as is evidenced by the OP.

OP speak with the school directly, trust me, you may inadvertently worsen the situation speaking with the parent yourself.

When I was 4 (summer baby so I was 4 for all of my first year at infants), I was put on the bus to school every day. A normal public double decker bus, a journey of 45minutes with people going to work, to town shopping etc The older kids were supposed to keep an eye out for us little ones but they just sat upstairs all together. No one batted an eyelid. It was almost 45 years ago though!

And yes OP, speak to the school. Let them deal with the bullies. Hope your DD has a better journey tomorrow.

ps first instance would be to go through school though for this particualr instance

OP, I think you are getting a hard time here from people who have not come across the system before. I live in a very rural area where is also was the norm (practically expected) that everyone got the school bus from the age of 4. If you suggested a chaperone you would be laughed at in this area. Lack of funding means only children attending special schools by bus would be entitled to a chaperone. I had the same situation when my twins were aged 4, and the school is most definately the place to start. I am sure it will be taken seriously as (in our area) being on a school bus was taken the same as any bad behaviour was in the school itself. In defence of most bus drivers I feel so sorry for them, they have to drive safely and cannot supervise the children too.

I hope it works out for you and your daughter, OP. Sadly it didn't in my case and we moved schools so we could do the transport ourselves, but hope it will be different for you. Good luck.

Perfectly normal here for the local private schools - large town in the North. DS (year 7) is on the bus with children from yr 1 to sixth form - no chaperone and touching wood no issues to date. The seniors are quite protective of the infants and the bus driver is the same every day. Younger children tend to sit at the front. Older ones at the back.

I would start with speaking to the teacher and the driver.

Try living in the country, with no car, and the closet school 6 miles away.

It's is the norm for a lot of Rural schools.

Not everybody lives in a town, within walking distance if a school.

Honest how the other half lives.