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AIBU?

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Original poster

To speak to this boy's mum?

214 replies

BecauseOfYou · 29/11/2016 21:42

My DD (age 4) ) gets a school bus to and from school everyday. It's roughly a 45 min journey each way, and up to now has been enjoying it, as she's made a friend who she sits with everyday. I let her take in a little notepad and a couple of pencils for her and her friend to draw, as I'd imagine it must get quite boring.

One other boy gets on at her stop, he is 8 - my DD has come to know him and knows his name etc. Today she got off the bus upset, saying that this boy and two others had taken her notebook and ripped it up. She'd told the bus driver and the boys denied it, saying it was my DD (I know 100% that she wouldn't make this up), and then continued to destroy her stuff while the bus driver was driving. They were also telling everyone that my DD had done a poo on the bus, and to top it off, told her santa isn't real.

I do see his mum everyday but she seems quite unapproachable and has never spoken to me. I'm gutted that her stuff has been ruined, and I won't be sending in another notepad which is a shame as my DD and her friend enjoy drawing etc on the bus as it fills the time. Also sad that my four year old is already questioning santa.

What do I do? Do I raise it with the boys mum?

OP posts:
FUCKINGqueenmortificado · 29/11/2016 23:23

My DDs both get the bus to school in the same way as this. And reception kids do get on them every day in rural areas. Where are you OP?
I'm only asking because if there is a chance your child gets on a bus with my DDs or their friends I may be able to help and will PM you Flowers

WorraLiberty · 29/11/2016 23:23

There's not a lot of "cleaning up" you can do on a bus? surely better to get to school ASAP where the child can change into their PE kit and wait to be picked up?

Of course there is.

I've cleaned up and comforted many a sick child on school trips and when I haven't been there helping out, other chaperones have kindly done the same for my DS.

ellei no-one's derailing the thread. The OP got her answer more than once. As she has a problem with a school child - take it up with the school, which she accepted and thanked people for.

TinselTwins · 29/11/2016 23:24

'Ask them to investigate' - investigate what, though? An 8yo boy being 8yo boyish?

what the fuck?
are we seriously going down the "boys will be boys" route
Fucking hell Sad

angelofmylifetime · 29/11/2016 23:24

How does school get away with it, I have no idea!

It isn't the school that decide this, it is transport department of the local education authority. The school have no say in this at all (not do parents).

Original poster
BecauseOfYou · 29/11/2016 23:25

Queen that's so kind of you thanks, but I'm in Scotland and I assume you're in England as you said reception kids!

OP posts:
DirtyDancing · 29/11/2016 23:25

OP the reason this happened was because she was unaccompanied!! They need one chaperone on every bus

TinselTwins · 29/11/2016 23:27

It isn't the school that decide this, it is transport department of the local education authority. The school have no say in this at all (not do parents).

That's not the case in the one that kids in my area bus to
Their attendance rates were shocking because of the latness, catching 3 busses.. only one needs to be late and then you miss the others..
They had to put on the bus to fix their stats.

I haven't heard of any problems, but perhaps because it's a school led initiative then they may have more control/better honorary contracts with the children and parents etc

Bunnyfuller · 29/11/2016 23:29

Just because there's a free bus, you don't have to use it! 4 is way too young to be on any form of transport like that without a supervising adult. 4!!! Can't believe it!

TinselTwins · 29/11/2016 23:29

OP the reason this happened was because she was unaccompanied!! They need one chaperone on every bus

Cool idea! Why didn't they think of that?
(Do PPs really think that there are no chaperones simply because nobody has suggested that they would be a good idea?)

FUCKINGqueenmortificado · 29/11/2016 23:29

Aw OP yeah I'm in rural Yorkshire but I know the bus company here wouldn't be happy with this carry on! I'd be kicking up holy hell with the school if the parents can't control their horrid little bullying brats they should have to get them to and from school themselves! Angry

Original poster
BecauseOfYou · 29/11/2016 23:30

Bunny where have I said I'm using it because it's free?

OP posts:
Willow2016 · 29/11/2016 23:31

Cartwheelgirl

Yes it can be right.
The kids are from 4 - 12 so a mixed bunch.
Its usually only for about 3/4 miles max.
There are 7 schools in our area, all have kids bused or taxied every day. How much would it cost to have chaperones in all those buses and taxis?

Then you have the secondary schools our secondary has about 4 mini buses and 2 full buses taking kids to and fro. It all costs money and the school budgets are already at breaking point, there isnt any more for chaperones.

We have all managed it this way for donkeys years, its not a big deal.

MoreMortificado · 29/11/2016 23:35

In rural Scotland kids get the bus to school, it's hardly unusual. We're on Orkney and if you don't walk you get the bus, it's just how it is. Stop being judgey just because it's not how it's done down south. Back to the OP yes the school should deal with it. If avoid approaching the parent in case it doesn't go the way you hope. The boy is on a school bus so should adhere to the rules. To a PP, no, destroying a 4 year old's belongings is not normal behaviour for an 8 year old, it's bullying!

Willow2016 · 29/11/2016 23:36

Bunnyfuller
Really? All the parents of kids who live on farms, small holdings, tiny villages all use the buses cos they are free? Of course nobody in rural areas work!

AddToBasket · 29/11/2016 23:36

tinsel twin -eh? Why all the wtf-ing?!

This isn't about 'boys will be boys' (your phrase) but about 8yos being 8yos and 4yos being 4yos. I repeat, this is why there are playground supervisors.

AgentProvocateur · 29/11/2016 23:37

Children in rural areas in scotland have been getting buses to school for decades with no chaperones. 99.999%of the time it's fine, and I'm sure the OP's situation will be cleared up after she's spoken to the school. Unchaperoned school transport is really no big deal Hmm

WorraLiberty · 29/11/2016 23:38

But if you paid a child minder or a nursery to take your young kids into their care, surely you'd kick up merry hell if they weren't supervised for 45 minutes, or if older kids were expected to supervise them.

Why are people so accepting of paying a driver have their kids for 45 minutes and not supervise them/rely on older children to do it?

Local authorities can only get away with putting kids at risk like this, if the parents accept it.

And they are being put at risk, because there's no way that driver can see who's unclipping their belts and who isn't.

It only takes a not very hard prang for some quite serious injuries to occur, not to mention the bullying by an older child that the OP's DD has had to put up with at the age of 4.

Local authorites seem to rely on people not complaining about lack of funding and just accepting a woefully inadequate service.

Tiniti · 29/11/2016 23:40

Tbh I live in the city and pay £5 an hour for each of my three to be looked after before school, could you not club together and pay for a chaperone, for two hours round trip it would cost about £20 ( less if paying living wage), divvied up that would only be a quid each if twenty kids on bus. Or if you're not working you could maybe do a rota on the bus with other parents and pay for the return trip?

I am pretty laid back but wouldn't let my four year old go,unaccompanied on any bus

Agerbilatemycardigan · 29/11/2016 23:41

Sorry if this has already been suggested, but would it be possible to have bus monitors? When I was at school we had a couple of the older children as monitors. They were given badges and really seemed to enjoy the responsibility. It might make the smaller children feel more secure.

WorraLiberty · 29/11/2016 23:42

99.999%of the time it's fine

How exactly did you reach those figures Agent?

Madhouse05 · 29/11/2016 23:42

Tinsel - if you were referring to my comment by 'investigate' I meant the school should a. Ask OP's dd what happened b. Speak to other children on the bus to find out if they can corroborate 3. Speak to the "bully" to ascertain their side AND ultimately remedy the situation. Bad behaviour on the bus happens and the school should be well versed in addressing it. As said in my pp the school bus (from 4) is totally normal in many areas... The school should know how to deal with this.

AgentProvocateur · 29/11/2016 23:49

From working in rural schools where the children were bussed in!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 29/11/2016 23:51

"'Ask them to investigate' - investigate what, though? An 8yo boy being 8yo boyish?"

Seriously, AddToBasket? You think it is OK for an 8-year-old to pick on a 4-year-old? You would excuse him because he is a boy? Wtaf? Boys should not be held to a lower standard of behaviour just because they are boys!

bumsexatthebingo · 29/11/2016 23:51

Can I just add that as no-one was supervising you don't know if your dd and her friend were messing about ripping pages from the notebook and have just blamed someone else on the bus.

OutwiththeOutCrowd · 29/11/2016 23:54

Is there CCTV on the bus? If not, could it be installed? The thought of being caught on camera might deter some of the troublemakers.

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