To want to be a SAHM?

[mostlyrain]

We have 2 DCs who are 15mo and 3yo. I recently went back to my PT job and basically dont want to do the slog anymore. The constant battle to get the kids to nursery, the commute to work, a job that I'm bored in, the battle with overtired kids each night and the constant trying to squeeze all the house jobs in too. My eldest goes to school next September and I just feel now is the time to give up. But AIBU to give up work now? I don't know if I'll regret it in 6 months time...

Yanbu it sounds stressful. And you might regret it in six months but then again if the jobs boring you might be better off looking for a new job when you are ready for that.

YANBU I would have done it in a heartbeat if I could have. I'm sure it's not a bed of roses but the stress levels involved in getting babies and toddlers out the house - rushing to work - rushing at work to finish in time to pick up -tired kids because they have been in childcare. You can always go back in a few years.

Can you afford it? After you've adjusted for childcare, can you survive on just your partners wage?

Is there another job you could do that would be more rewarding, if you did want to or need to keep working?

If you can afford to live off one wage and your dp/DH is fine with you not working then you are not being unreasonable

Have you looked in to finding a job closer to home? Or something that you enjoy more?

Yanbu. Could you work from home on upwork or people per hour?

Can you live on one wage?
How does your partner feel about you stopping work?

I wouldn't leave work in your circumstances - I have seen too many family break ups in my friendship circles and as a Sahm you are then mostly screwed. Unless you have a profession/qualification that will make it easy for your to re-enter the work force, I would'nt leave work.

maybe look for a different position?

The majority of my wage goes on nursery fees and the dog walker so hypothetically our income would only drop marginally if I stopped. I guess I'm worried that we were thinking we would gain some money back when DS goes to school and then more when DD gets her free hours in 18 months time. Financially this is the hardest bit now but the emotional struggle of drop off/pick ups isn't going to stop. I would like to do some sort of work that fitted with school and more local but not sure if that's just being in dreamland! My husband has recently started working away 3 nights a week which is making home life more pressured.

I guess I'm worried that ill miss my independence and time away from the children. I'm also worried that if I step off the career ladder I might not get back on!!

I think you have stuck it out for this long why not an it longer.

Have you investigated reduced hours / part time working? Probably worth a try as you keep working and earning while getting some more time with your children. I did this as I was worried that exiting the workforce would make it difficult for me to rejoin in the future.

The majority of my wage goes on nursery fees and the dog walker

why do the nursery fees come out of your wage? I wouldn't look at this like that at all. Your DH works, so the fees come out of your Joint income.

I guess your also pay into a pension, you may find it hard to get back into work. Would you cope uf your DH lost his job etc. ??

You're giving up paid work. Not work. You work on a daily basis to care for the children, run the home etc and then have to work extra hard to organise everyone out the house so you can pay someone else whilst you do paid work. It's shit, but our system wants its tax payers.

Ask for a career break? Take a year out and relax.....

This is the hardest time but financial independence is a precious thing. My 'DH' abandoned me out of the blue and I thank god every day I kept my career going as now I can still pay the bills and afford the odd treat.

I know you said he works away 3 nights, but why are you doing everything?
Why are you dealing with the dc's every night and trying to squeeze in all the house work?

Whether you count childcare etc out of joint income or the just OPs salary, the end result has exactly the same effect on household finances.

When you count the costs of going to work, the dog walker and any other costs incurred by lack of time (cleaner, ready meals/takeaways instead of cooking from scratch, more expensive supermarket delivery instead of Aldi/shopping around) there might be even less of the OPs salary left.

However you look at it, if the OP doesn't work, all these extra costs go away and they also gain a whole load more extra time to spend with the DCs and also get things done.

I have often loved the thought of becoming a sahm over the years especially when I had 4 kids under 6. The main thing that stopped me leaving my job on so many occassions was the worry that if I split with my dh I would struggle wheras keeping my career going meant I at least had some security.

I think that it's very difficult but although it can only be a decision for your family in the majority of cases I think it's one with ramifications for your future and if I am totally truthful those ramifications are mostly not positive ones.

1 work 24 hours in 3 days. So the 'ideal'. They won't let me reduce and I'm considered 'very lucky' to have got those hours as it's an industry not known for flexible working. I can't work from home for example as it's a site based job. A career break might be an option I guess but can't imagine that will go down well as I've had 2 lots of mat leave.

My OH has a longer commute than me so he just doesn't get home in time to help in the evenings. He does share the house work at weekends but by virtue of the fact Im home more I do more as I can't leave the washing to mount up or not cook when he's away etc!

Don't get me wrong I know it's not a picnic being at home! My 2 kids are demanding characters too . Got a real 'threenager' on my hands currently but I question whether my stress/tiredness is not helping his behaviour.

Definitely either flexible working request or career break.

Cross post.

Having kept your career going this long, I'd keep going specially as you've already negotiated 3 days which is a good balance when you have pre school children. The danger is that very soon both kids will be in school and you could find it hard to get back onto the career path.

Obviously up to you (and your dh) but having got this far I would keep going- there's light at the end of the tunnel and you'll feel rich once you're just paying wraparound school care

I wouldn't give up, you might find it harder than you think to get what you have now in the future. Jobs aren't that easy to come where I am living.

It's not worth the risk OP. Your financial independence is precious. Fifty percent of marriages fail. Or the breadwinner can get sick, or worse. Get your DH to step up if you are struggling / get a cleaner/ whatever it takes. We live in a society where SAHMS are powerless when the shit hits the fan. And please don't think 'it won't happen to me'. Everyone thinks that.

I know I sound extreme. But my DH died suddenly when I was pregnant with DD2. Every day I am.grateful I had a well paid job to go back to. Things can change very fast. Protect yourself. Set an example to your daughter.