To want to be a SAHM?

[mostlyrain]

We have 2 DCs who are 15mo and 3yo. I recently went back to my PT job and basically dont want to do the slog anymore. The constant battle to get the kids to nursery, the commute to work, a job that I'm bored in, the battle with overtired kids each night and the constant trying to squeeze all the house jobs in too. My eldest goes to school next September and I just feel now is the time to give up. But AIBU to give up work now? I don't know if I'll regret it in 6 months time...

I finished work when my DS was born, he's 17 now and I've never ever been bored I love it

Set an example to your daughter
Rude.

I do 3 days, same hours and know exactly how you feel! My youngest started reception this sept and if anything the stress is worse. Yes the extra money I've now reclaimed is great but it doesn't feel enough. No advice really. Giving up work is not an option really, I have a very cushy, senior role which I'm paid handsomely for. Due to industry changes my job may be hard to come by in the next couple of years if I was to try reentering my field, so I try to keep that in mind. My saving grace is that I am home by 4:30 with the kids in tow so a reasonable amount of time to do dinner, homework etc. You are not alone 😀.

Mine are now 10 and 8 and I'm really glad I have carried on working. I did go self employed for a while (after redundancy) but then to an employed job once youngest at school. So I've managed to get 2 pt employments with small dc - can you look around and see if there are any better alternatives as always easier to get a job whilst you are in a job....?
You are facilitating your DH's career rise at the expense of yours. I have always tried to protect against this and whilst its not a perfect balance I don't give Dh the opportunity to just walk off and say he cant pick up any of the ferrying duties (he works a longer commute) and often away too but he will step up when needed. He usually covers any sickness too.

Dunno. It's a shame so many women do give up work. It's really hard, especially when dcs are young, but really worth it in the long run for your family and for yourself. Share more responsibility with DH/DP.

If you do it please make sure you still pay in to your pension.

Can you retrain in something else more fulfilling so you won't be up shit creek if the worst happens. Lots of uni courses are only one day on campus and could be workable.

I wouldn't, three days isn't much and leaves four days at home. Change to something more local if you really have too.

Relying on another adult to provide everything can very quickly go pear shaped and employers want recent work experience/ethic.

I think you should go for it if it won't mean a big drop in money. Life is short and it sounds like you will be less stressed.

Set an example to your daughter

I'm with Bagina - really rude.

You become a SAHM & you gain:

• time with your kids
• more downtime
• less stress

You lose:...

• independent income
• pension
• ability to get back on the career ladder

- ability to work PT in an area you've trained in aka GOLDDUST - your identity outside of being a parent

• self-esteem and work confidence

Despite all other financial and advantages and having a great and supportive DH - I've become a SAHM, which means that I'm now qualified to LOAD THE WASHING MACHINE.

It's just a different daily grind sadly.

Please think long-term even if you have to make some adjustments in the short -term s/a getting a cleaner, regular babysitter for a night out. This intense period doesn't last long, and PT work is truly under-rated.

I'm doing exactly this. My children are 3 and 2 and I've found part time to be stressful. If you can afford it and you'd all be happier, why not?

Oh I'm sick of hearing the one sided theory that a SAHM becomes nothing more than a domestic servant, must be bored, loses identity and self-esteem. It's just so narrow minded.

I'm a Sahm to three children. Incredibly content, not bored and quite happy with my status. I'm proud of who I am and believe I set a good example to my two daughters. It's simply rude to suggest the only way to do so is by working.

I'll admit there's a risk, financially. However I'm not prepared to make myself miserable and disrupt my children's routine and what they know baser on 'What if'. And I would be miserable working.

All I've ever wanted is to be a mum. I enjoy childcare. I enjoy library singing sessions, arts and crafts, baking, reading etc. I have no career aspirations.

There I said the unthinkable! A woman who is fulfilled by 'just being a mum'. Because it seems to me this is taboo now, for a woman to say this.

If it's what you want, embrace it without fear and enjoy it. You'll get another job when you are good and ready. Work together with your OH to make sure you are benefiting equally from his salary. I even paid into a pension when I was SAHM.

Toomanypetals - not questioning that but until there's an equal number of men and women at home and in the workplace, the discussions will keep going. Research is pretty conclusive that society, economy and businesses work better when there's men and women in senior and mid-leadership roles so I'm afraid whilst you don't have career aspirations we've got to fight for the ones that do and encourage others that the new norm is to have a career facilitated by the workplace and for men and women to share the public and private space. Then men like you who are fulfilled as parents with no career aspirations can make that choice and vice versa.

I'm in a mid-senior role and I've been faced with sexism and comments about returning to work soon after DC and questions about next child etc. People have also been shocked to find out to find I have DC and still working. This needs to change. It needs to be normal to see us in the workspace in senior roles driving change. And that won't happen without women with aspirations.

There I said the unthinkable! A woman who is fulfilled by 'just being a mum'. Because it seems to me this is taboo now, for a woman to say this.

I hear you and i feel the same!

I've had my fancy career. I'm now working hard ensuring I'm there for my two small children. I'm sometimes envious of friends who post fancy FB status' saying what important things they're doing in the land of 'work' - but then think thank fuck I don't have to go and do that tomorrow :D

I do actually work. PT. In the evenings once toddlers are in bed. Best of both worlds. Still get some adult time and yet kids have me there when they're little.

That lady above was bloody rude. I am setting an example to my daughter.

I think you would be putting yourself in a very vulnerable situation tbh. I would never be comfortable relying on someone else completely financially.
3 days gives you 4 whole days at home. I would stick it for now and really concentrate on finding something else you would enjoy, or if you really can't bear it, could you cut down to 2 days or even just a day to keep in the loop.

No way would I give up my job and just hope to get something in school hours or step back into my career.
I think your kids will be at school soon and things will be easier.
I wouldn't want to be totally dependent on my husband either

Oh and you can work and "be there" for your children.

How does your DH feel about being the only breadwinner? You need to be in accord over this.

Having said that I was a SAHM for 5 years and have never gone back to a management role. Like PPs have said, I loved it, never bored etc. To whoever said 'set a good example to your DD' I think I did. It would have been worse to have continued to miss birthdays etc as I was away for work.

Could you change to work two shorter days and one long day? That way you wouldn't be so rushed and DC could get to bed earlier etc.

DH would have to do childcare pick up on your long day, but I think it's very reasonable to expect him to do one pick up a week (he can go in very early that day, or work a bit later the other days to make up).

By the way I am having a similar dilemma.

I became a SAHM several years ago, thinking I would like to stay at home for a year or two. I haven't worked since and can't tell you how bitterly I regret the decision. I'm really pleased when I hear other posters, such as toomanypetals saying how much they love it, but being a SAHM just isn't right for me and it's likely to mean my family will never be financially secure.
Obviously, your situation is not the same as mine but I sure as hell wish someone had warned me of the downside, all I heard was how wonderful it would be for my kids. And since I'm extremely unhappy, I'm not sure it is that great for them.

A career break might be an option I guess but can't imagine that will go down well as I've had 2 lots of mat leave.
Thats the most depressing thing I've read all week. We have made no advances at all.

I worked from home for a while and really missed going out to work. But that was me. I hope you find the solution that fits you.

Op your choice

Yanbu and yabu. I would have loved to have been a SAHM at one point, and for a while it would have made life easier

However, a three day working week IS like gold dust, and in eighteen months things will be really different if your youngest starts nursery. Unless you are planning more, I honestly think by that point you will be really glad you kept up work, especially with four days off a week