School: "no babies allowed"

[Lardeedar]

My DD's primary school insists that for all school meetings, nativity plays and parents evenings, no babies or toddlers are allowed to come. I have a toddler that I look after at home, and I'm perfectly capable of keeping him quiet (phone, iPad and lollipops given rarely enough to be novel seems to work) or failing that, I have curtesy and common sense enough to remove him from the location if he does decide to pipe up!

The school just assumes I have a nan up the road on hand to babysit whenever I want but I don't. These meetings or plays are always 2-3. Both my parents are working, as are my siblings and friends, they have jobs and the two that don't have their own kids and school runs preventing them from helping out.

I'm expecting my third child now and am really upset about all the plays and meetings I'll have to miss because they won't let me in with my newborn. Even if I did have available childcare I resent being obliged to leave my (probably breastfed) newborn for any amount of time for such a stupid policy. Is this normal? Are all schools like this??

No, YANBU.

It is unkind to those with more than one child and no available childcare.

A tad. Ours is the same. For things like plays it's down to space/fire safety. The hall can only accommodate one parent/carer per child.

It's ok to bring them to parents evening, where space isn't a problem.

My dc have been to 2 different schools (we moved house) and neither were like this. I took my baby to everything...like you with bribes to keep them quiet or I'd take them outside if they were disturbing! I wouldn't have had anyone to look after them if they hadn't been allowed.

Our school has 2 teachers who run a crèche in the school library for assemblies and the like. Maybe bring up the idea at the next PTFA meeting?
Although, I have always found it's the adults that make the most noise, talking all the way through plays so you can't hear the children. Maybe your school should ban them too.

It depends on the occasion.

When you have seen a child who is terribly proud of their One Line in a play being interrupted by a howl from a toddler, then freezing and bursting into tears, you might change your view on toddlers in an audience. Especially as you really can't use screen when seated in an audience.

The solution is for parents to get together and run an informal crèche during performances and whole form/year meetings.

It does seem OTT for individual meeting though.

We usually have one performance where young children are allowed, and then two where they're not (one afternoon, and one early evening). Works fine.

ours is like this, i quite like it. so many meetings/assemblies/plays ruined by wailing toddlers/babies.

Not everyone is as considerate as you so they have to do a blanket ban. A lot is to do with fire regulations especially at plays etc

I kinda wish my school was strict. Or at least ushered parents with screamers out of the school plays... one screamed through the whole play... is devastating to miss your child's part.

A parent took a toddler to my DC's school last week and there was a pretty bad accident (nobody's fault directly, just a series of unfortunate incidents) but it shows why schools might ban toddlers.

You may be sensible and take your child out if he/she creates, but unfortunately some parents aren't so considerate. I imagine the rule was imposed because too many babies and/or toddlers have spoiled school performances in the past.

To be honest, a child howling because a baby cried is a bit daft (assuming no SEN.)

You'd be surprised how many people don't have the courtesy to remove noisy babies and toddlers and it can be very frustrating for the others in the audience and for the children performing. However, at my school we always opened up the dress rehearsal to families with babies and toddlers - it was often bedlam, but everyone there was in the same boat. Could you suggest that?

Our school pta does a creche for the school play

I have to admit in the past I have been annoyed at people bringing young children who have made a lot of noise and ruined the play/assembly. However now I'm expecting child number 3 I would be in the same position. I think it's ok to take them as long as they are taken out when being noisy!

YANBU, our school do the same and it makes me so mad. DD is in her year six school pantomime in a few weeks with a leading role, only 1 performance and I'm fully expecting them to impose this rule again which will mean either me or DH will have to miss it!

Not everyone brings thing to entertain the toddler or baby or remove themselves if dc can't be quitened. So a blanket ban is fair enough.

If you know it's a problem for lots of parents can you suggest the pta run an informal crèche during plays etc. Charge £1-2 and it's fundraising for the school as well.

I've had three dc go through school and youngest is yr6 now and have lost count of the plays and assemblies where you can hardly hear a thing due to several toddlers and babies crying, squealing at some point. Usually one finishes as another starts.

I can see both sides of this tbh. Can you speak to the school and explain your situation. Could there be any flexibility if you sit at the back/side near the door? Could you go to a dress rehearsal if they really won't budge? The parent evening one I'd just say I'm bringing them, sorry.

Although, I have always found it's the adults that make the most noise, talking all the way through plays so you can't hear the children. Maybe your school should ban them too.

Ours just queue from dawn to get the front seats so that everyone else can watch through their iPad screens.

Maybe you should approach the PTA about setting up a crèche for these events? If you volunteered to organize it and were prepared to volunteer on a regular basis so that you were able to attend events, and enable other people in your situation to attend, it would be a valuable community support?
I do feel sorry for the wee tinies on the stage trying to make their voices heard when one or more babies or toddlers starts screaming their heads off and and the carer does nothing - it's a shame, but there really is no telling which tot is going to kick off and ruin the performance for the hundred or so other parents and performers, so most schools do this now.

Never worked in a school that had this.

ALWAYS wish I worked in a school that had this.

Oh that's a fab idea! I wish our school was like this.

Parents' eves is silly, but plays I wish ours did the same tbh. Went to my DT's class assembly and could here nothing because of the shouting toddler behind me.

So many rules at school have to be made to stop the actions of selfish idiots. So this means normal people who would actually remove a crying baby have to pay the price and be barred.

Ive seen it in action. A little girl learnt a bunch of lines, proudly stood up to say them and a baby screamed throughout her entire performance rendering her inaudible. Completely ruined - audience looked stunned, it was so disgraceful. This is why everyone at our school is now banned from bringing babies and toddlers.

Parents at my school ignore this rule and I've never seen it enforced.

I normally don't mind but was cross when I moved heaven and earth to get childcare and the couple in front of me blocked my view repeatedly by holding their five month up in the air to see the stage!

I think it is something schools only do if they have to, our last PTA meeting had 3 parents attend. They want 30 to help out at the school Fayre. But if parents feel their children aren't welcome for family events at the school, it can cost the sense of community feeling that motivates people to volunteer.