School: "no babies allowed"

[Lardeedar]

My DD's primary school insists that for all school meetings, nativity plays and parents evenings, no babies or toddlers are allowed to come. I have a toddler that I look after at home, and I'm perfectly capable of keeping him quiet (phone, iPad and lollipops given rarely enough to be novel seems to work) or failing that, I have curtesy and common sense enough to remove him from the location if he does decide to pipe up!

The school just assumes I have a nan up the road on hand to babysit whenever I want but I don't. These meetings or plays are always 2-3. Both my parents are working, as are my siblings and friends, they have jobs and the two that don't have their own kids and school runs preventing them from helping out.

I'm expecting my third child now and am really upset about all the plays and meetings I'll have to miss because they won't let me in with my newborn. Even if I did have available childcare I resent being obliged to leave my (probably breastfed) newborn for any amount of time for such a stupid policy. Is this normal? Are all schools like this??

DD's school is the opposite of this - in that the whole family is actively encouraged to attend everything.

It's a large-ish village school & the HT is very big on "community". He has also been known to sit at the back of the hall entertaining bored toddlers during nativities/harvest festivals etc.

YABU. Our school has the same policy, but someone still brought a baby to last year's Xmas concert. Baby kept making very loud noises, which were very distracting, but still the parent didn't leave. 🙄 Not everyone is reasonable enough to remove their baby/toddler in that situation, unfortunately.

YABU

Even if you do as you say, it shows a total lack of awareness to have your toddler playing with a glaring screen in the middle of an audience.

Yabu. Maybe you are paying the price of less considerate parents in the past. Could you arrange to swap DC occasionally with another parent , book a babysitter or go to different performances to your dp/h.

You might have the "courtesy and common sense" to remove your toddler is he gets loud, but very very few others do. So the selfish idiots spoil it for everybody.
You can't blame the school.

I wish ours would do it, so many events have been ruined by babies and toddlers and spoils it for the children who have worked hard.

YABU.

Parents of young toddlers often underestimate quite how loud/irritating their dc are IME.

As a parent of a young one, if the screaming stops then you're probably glad that they're 'just' burbling/murmering to themselves. For everyone else, it's like nails on a chalkboard when you're being disturbed from watching something.

And that's just the 'decent' parents - you also get the inconsiderate wankers who genuinely let their kids scream without removing them.

Schools have to factor to the lowest common denominator which makes banning pre-school kids reasonable and sensible IMO. How you find childcare is not their concern, their responsibility/concern is for the dc already in their school, as it should be.

Having been to many plays when the parents don't take a crying baby out of the hall, thereby ruining it for everyone else, I can understand this rule.....our school does plays three times, so we split attending performances between us...so no need to take baby or toddler.

Sadly the school will have come to this decision because of previous experience at their school. That is usually the case when a school has put those kind of rules in place.

Which means that there have been parents, with toddlers/babies, in your child's school where parents have not removed their child and have not seen fit to prevent disruptions.

Whilst to an onlooker a school play is a quick, half hour to so chance to see their child at school, to the child it is a much bigger thing.

It isn't just abut a child with SEN either, though of course some of these children will be affected too. But it is all children. Some children get nervous. Some take great courage to stand up and act or talk in front of adults and their peers. Some take a long time to coax out of their shell to perform. They might only have one line to say - and to have that child's chance to speak overshadowed by a crying baby or talking toddler isn't fair.

Now my school does allow babies and toddlers, and so far it has been ok. For the bigger plays we use a different venue and have some microphones which help. And assemblies are smaller sale with just one class at a time, and everyone sat much closer together. So chances of a child's turn being unheard is far less likely.

But having seen some parents allow little ones to cry, scream, chatter and wander around when my own DD has been performing at school or in drama groups, I can understand why some schools make this kind of decision.

However, if a school does have this rule then it is preferable if they can put on some childcare options, run by a teacher or TA in a spare classroom. Though with school budgets so tight, and staffing even tighter, I can also see why some might not be able.

I have to confess when I took DS (one at the time) to see my niece's Christmas play (she would have been eight), it was a bit like sitting with an unexploded bomb on my lap - I was so worried he'd start crying, I didn't really enjoy the show. I get why they impose this rule, but it certainly makes it difficult for parents struggling with childcare.

The thing is - when you get to the point that your youngest child is the one in the plays/concerts etc, you get to watch uninterrupted. That's just how the cookie crumbles. I know it's harsh, but I've also seen countless school things just completely buggered up by wailing babies and toddlers where the parents will not remove them, however glared at they are. It's not fair on the kids involved and it's not fair on the rest of the audience. While I know you'd remove a wailing child, other people just wouldn't.

Are you sure all of the meetings/plays are 2-3? That doesn't accommodate many parents' schedules.

When mine were in first school there would be an afternoon and evening showing of any play and parents evening didn't start until school had closed as the teachers were still teaching. Then it went on until 7pm ish.

YABU, other people aren't as considerate as you, so the considerate are having to pay the price.

Similarly (getting this in nice and early), the inconsiderate people who insist on posting photos of nativity on social media even when asked not to, are the ones to blame for schools' photo-ban policies, not the school. Some children (adopted, fleeing DV etc) need to not be found and posting their school and photo on social media is not a risk their parents are happy to take.

it shows a total lack of awareness to have your toddler playing with a glaring screen in the middle of an audience

This, which illustrates my point. To the parent, you're just glad they're quiet with a phone/ipad - great stuff. To everyone else, they're massively disturbed from the light.

We have every play and assembly enlivened by the sight of parents trying to placate incaltitrant toddlers. What do they expect you to do with these unwanted babies?

Parents evening makes sense, but not daytime activities.

Have you actually approached the school about this personally? Our school expects a lot of parent involvement but had pretty much a blanket rule of no younger siblings. I was chatting to the (very approachable) headmistress & explained that I'd love to be more involved in school life but could not because of a younger sibling & no babysitting & that I knew of a few others in the same position. She then introduced a creche for the parent/pupil sessions in class & 2 performances of school plays, 1 with siblings & 1 without. Also, friends with babies who are not yet mobile are allowed to take them into most things.

I spoke on behalf of the PTA st one of our induction days and there was a child who screamed throughout. Mother did not remove said screaming toddler. Not everyone's is considerate.

PTA run crèches are unheard of here and I wouldn't let my committee people do this - we're not police checked and it's just a massive can of worms which I'm not getting involved in. There are no spare rooms anyway.

Agree that for a small meeting it's appropriate to bring a smaller sibling, but if specifically asked not to bring for a larger gathering then don't.

They didn't have this policy at my school and I'm glad (though I never needed to bring younger children). I think this is more of the sort of lack of family oriented thinking that makes having children in the UK a stressful experience and the attitude that things are better without children around is part of what makes the UK such a miserable place for children to grow up.

It is an issue for every Infant school.
Sadly there are far too many parents who have not taken them out, and then everyone else has missed their dc's line or 'turn' at whatever they are watching.

Various options you could consider:

1. Approach another parent with a little one and go to one performance each and 'sit' for the other one in turn - generally for Nativity there is more than one performance so you can both go, and for 'lesser' assemblies, at least you get to go to half

2.Approach the school about setting up a temporary creche in a nearby classroom or other room in the school, and ask for volunteers. It might take a little bit to get going, but over time, people who have had their little one looked after will surely volunteer to help others out when their dc isn't performing 3. Ask the school if they might do 2 performances (this is quite common in schools) when it is a 'big do' such as Nativity, so at one performance it is child free, and at the other people are allowed to bring pre-schoolers and take their chances.

yabu.
This crops up all the time, and I think the school is right to impose this rule.
Because there are ways around taking babies in with you - family, friends, and if none of the above then babysitter. And if money's a problem so babysitters aren't an option, then organise a babysitting circle or crèche for the performance- all free.
So, there are ways around a baby going in.

However, if a baby cries during a 5 year olds one line in the play, there's no way around that. Even if you take your baby out after the first cry (and we all know many don't), that first cry may well have already ruined a child's part.

You also get the loud 'shush'ing from the parent, when their child is squawking or making noises or asking questions or trying to say 'hello' to their sibling on stage. Its distracting to the children on stage, who might be nervous as well as the other parents. I don't know why they would be banned from parents meetings though, unless its because the parents don't listen to whats being said to them because they are busy trying to entertain their toddler!

Nobody could be disturbed by a "glaring screen" as I'm sat at the very back in case I need to make an immediate exit if my DS makes noise.

The meetings and plays (except parents evenings) have so far always been 2-3. If it was evening it would be quite easy for me to get childcare. Sigh.

Of course I totally understand and accept that the play should not be ruined for everyone cos of babies and toddlers, I'm just bummed out that I have to be absent for MY daughters plays because, as has been said, some parents arent considerate so Aaaaaalll parents must suffer a blanket ban.

Standing up and leaving the room mid performance is distracting for the children on stage.

YANBU. Totally ridiculous. Presumably because the teachers don't want to have to ask someone with a crying baby to go outside?

The English! I despair!

Just book a babysitter. Can't be that hard surely. Or just one of you go. If it's 2-3 I guess lots of kids won't have anyone attending anyway.