School: "no babies allowed"

[Lardeedar]

My DD's primary school insists that for all school meetings, nativity plays and parents evenings, no babies or toddlers are allowed to come. I have a toddler that I look after at home, and I'm perfectly capable of keeping him quiet (phone, iPad and lollipops given rarely enough to be novel seems to work) or failing that, I have curtesy and common sense enough to remove him from the location if he does decide to pipe up!

The school just assumes I have a nan up the road on hand to babysit whenever I want but I don't. These meetings or plays are always 2-3. Both my parents are working, as are my siblings and friends, they have jobs and the two that don't have their own kids and school runs preventing them from helping out.

I'm expecting my third child now and am really upset about all the plays and meetings I'll have to miss because they won't let me in with my newborn. Even if I did have available childcare I resent being obliged to leave my (probably breastfed) newborn for any amount of time for such a stupid policy. Is this normal? Are all schools like this??

Agree with granny - the chairs are often tightly packed so if there are more babies than "end seats" (likely), getting outvwoukd be a big disturbance. Which may be why parents don't take kids out, some might be hoping toncalm them down more quickly than getting them out!

Anyway, best solution is a performance where babies are allowed and one or more where they aren't.

If there are more babies than end seats, the parents of the babies usually stand at the back near the door jiggling the babies while watching the play.

These same schools are almost certainly devoting time and energy to worrying about their 'parent engagement strategy'

And for those who think children who have put time and energy into rehearsing and have the right to be heard by their doting parents - don't the ops kids have those rights too? Or is that just for children without younger siblings?

So my childs accomplishments are to be diminished to accommodate others at any expense. My child is now year 8 has a great sense of empathy, one of his great friends in primary was autistic, his father is blind. But he does not have a sense of entitlement that some have and this entitlement stems from parents IME. But hey just because I have an only and haven't ever needed to have childcare (wrong) then I am lacking compassion?

We don't have a ban BUT you have to have a ticket for plays and it's one ticket per person and each family gets two so you usually get mum and dad or single Parent plus child. Doesn't stop kids but does minimise them a little.

I have seen teachers ask parents with shouting kids to stand Outside but TBH it's been rare. It is publicised that kids are allowed if parents respect others and remove them if they are noisy. It has been mentioned that if people don't leave if kids are noisy/if asked there would be a ban but it's never had to be put in place. I assume no one wants to be that parent that ruins
It for everyone else

Ours has a dress rehearsal to which siblings are allowed and a main performance to which they are not. Very sensible solution and also helps those who have work commitments and might be able to make one date and not the other.

Does your child's school only do one performance OP?

YANBU. Our school only does this if they are putting on an alternative 'younger siblings welcome' show ( usually the dress rehearsal earlier in the day). Or if the production takes place in the evening. Otherwise we can bring them along.

I wish my kids' school had a similar ban, but also one that included SN children - they can be so very loud at inappropriate times!

Yes, I am being sarcastic here.

Also I did mention that an afternoon performance was available to those with younger children but no the entitled parents insisted on going to the evening ones when it was asked if only older siblings would go to those. It's not like there was no accommodation at all

I'm with LaPhariesienne

Some of these comments remind me of the nativity play at my son's school - the irony of babies being "banned" from a play about...err...Baby Jesus...and performance anxiety from the children? If that's the case, hasn't something gone a bit wrong? Aren't these things meant to be fun?

And as for the sea of parents in the front rows with their thermos flasks and raised IPads, yes, I remember those. Straight from the innermost circles of Hell. (My son' sold school used to offer front seats as prizes in the silent auction, I kid not).

No, OP I don't think you're being at all unreasonable. But maybe practical suggestion of a crèche or attending the dress rehearsal would be a workable workaround.

For ours parents with children under 4 are allowed to attend the dress rehearsal.

All other performances are limited to 2 tickets per child, children 4 and over.

There is a lot of hypocracy in some of these posts...the world does not revolve around your babies or toddlers, it revolves around my child and their nativity play!

in my honest opinion the school are right to ban all younger siblings. We have been to so many plays, nativities,harvest festivals etc that have been totally ruined by thoughtless parents. When the school kids and staff have gone to a lot of effort to put these things on it is bloody frustrating to have to put up with screaming babies and toddlers playing with lego in a biscuit tin. We got a new head who changed the rules and no younger siblings were allowed. We had to arrange child care as we had no help locally. It was worth the effort for all involved

Bobsmum02 I wouldn't call it hypocrisy just the facts it is about the performing children not the toddlers

I think it's fair for it to revolve around the performers.

Which is why I don't get why Op's school also bans babies from parent/teacher meetings, or indeed most things at that aren't about the (small) child performers.

It's the dog/playground thread all over again.

No ban but only two tickets per family in my DS' school

For every one parent that willingly removes their child when they start making a noise, there are usually 3 parents who think they're entitled to stay there regardless.

The rules have been in place for the 10 years mine been going to junior school although the PTA are the only ones who ignore it and works well. They do though have a child friendly one off nativity, which helps massively.

DD's primary school used to have a separate performance for those with young children

We had several preschoolers at our wedding (more than 10 years ago). On our wedding video you can't hear our vows due to the high pitched screaming and crying. Nobody took their children out and the ushers forgot to ask them.

the world does not revolve around your babies or toddlers, it revolves around my child and their nativity play

The nativity play is not about parental 'rights to see their child' or a photo opportunity or about entertaining toddlers.It is an educational experience for the children taking part.The start of learning to perform in public which will lead on to giving presentations and talks as they progress through their education, viva voca at university.

So the shy child who has finally found their voice through the performance, the SEN child who has struggled throughout primary but is so proud of what they have accomplished, the bullied child who has a way of speaking up, the dyslexic child who spent hours rehearsing, the child with the scholarship for singing showing all they can do etc etc are to just put up with it because if you don't then you lack compassion/understanding?

YABU - having spent my childs Y6 prize giving sat behind someone with their younger child entertained on an ipad. Firstly the child kept turning the sound up. Then kept asking daddy to do something on it or complaining he couldnt hear the ipad. The child was far from quiet. Thats my over riding memory of the whole morning, not watching my child read a piece of work they had written.

TeacherBob and voddie - can I just confirm you are actually saying your kids' performance in a school play is more important than showing compassion to others in less easy circumstances? What kind of demon children are you raising with an example like that?!!!!

I am saying the children in my class, who have spent hours and hours rehearsing, should get the respect to be able to perform without crying babies/phone's ringing etc.

Because at the end of the day, they are the important ones