School: "no babies allowed"

[Lardeedar]

My DD's primary school insists that for all school meetings, nativity plays and parents evenings, no babies or toddlers are allowed to come. I have a toddler that I look after at home, and I'm perfectly capable of keeping him quiet (phone, iPad and lollipops given rarely enough to be novel seems to work) or failing that, I have curtesy and common sense enough to remove him from the location if he does decide to pipe up!

The school just assumes I have a nan up the road on hand to babysit whenever I want but I don't. These meetings or plays are always 2-3. Both my parents are working, as are my siblings and friends, they have jobs and the two that don't have their own kids and school runs preventing them from helping out.

I'm expecting my third child now and am really upset about all the plays and meetings I'll have to miss because they won't let me in with my newborn. Even if I did have available childcare I resent being obliged to leave my (probably breastfed) newborn for any amount of time for such a stupid policy. Is this normal? Are all schools like this??

For plays and assemblies yabu as even if you take your screaming toddler out, even a momentary scream can drown out a child's only line.

But if you're meeting with the teacher alone then you should be able to take siblings if necessary.

It seems unreasonable BUT some parents are unreasonable....many a play was ruined when my daughter was young because of inconsiderate parents who instead of taking their crying baby or tantruming toddler out just let them cry and scream away and spoil the play for everyone else.

My daughter's school used to have a final rehearsal afternoon where parents with babies could come, it was more like a first try at the play and seemed to work well. It was definitely more inclusive.

FFS it's a load of kids saying shite like "a child is born" just like last bloody year not benedict Cumberbatch in a one-off production of hamlet

Does anyone really give a shit if a baby cries?

If it's 2-3 I guess lots of kids won't have anyone attending anyway.

^this

Hmm nativity plays I can see why they have that rule tbh. A few people whose little darlings can't possibly be taken out could ruin it for everyone else. Meetings though, yanbu. The reality is that people don't always have childcare, and presumably your attendance and input is considered sufficiently important to ask you to come in the first place.

You don't 'have to be absent.'

That's your choice.

There's plenty of options as detailed on this thread; get a babysitter, organise a crèche (you volunteer to run it for one session, someone else runs it for your daughters), organise a babysitting circle etc etc. Your choice.

LaPharisienne...yes it does! Teachers, and more importantly the children work their arses off for weeks, sometimes months to put on a play. It's a big deal to them and good for their confidence. Allowing a baby to cry so no-one can hear shows a lack of respect for the audience, for the school and for the children who have worked hard learning lines etc.

Creches are sometimes offered by schools but they are very variable given the voluntary staffing and often this just means that the children run in and out of the hall looking for parents /siblings.

What some schools do is to do a 'rehearsal' during the afternoon to which all of the family are welcome. And then there is a 'real' performance with proper tickets etc which are for adults only. This is often a real fund raiser for the school so is very popular.

Its a tricky balance that schools have to deal with. Maybe you can put some suggestions to the PTA yourself.

Do four year olds know what it is to work their arse off? Do the teachers really care?

If the expectations/ focus on a little children's play are so serious a baby crying ruins it, isn't that a bit... extreme?!

No ban here. Haven't noticed any wailing or crying either.

I think schools should realise there is more mobility these days and not everyone has someone they could drop other children with.
It's a school for goodness sake. The one place that might be child friendly.

I had a baby with sn. I couldnt just drop her with anyone. She was on oxygen. DH worked away - why should my other child miss out just be cause she had the misfortune to have a disabled sibling?

Teacher / heads seem to either forget how hard it is with little ones, or perhaps haven't had any so have really no idea.

Now I'm on my last, these activities are very easy for me and it would be all too easy to demand a perfect watching environment. But I won't. I'll feel compassion for the mum juggling tot on knee, or escapee! I'll remember the kind father who briefly entertained my little one whilst I clapped my child in assembly etc.

It's you and your ilk the rules had to be made for, LaPharisienne.

"It's a school for goodness sake."

^This.

Nobody could be disturbed by a "glaring screen" as I'm sat at the very back

In an empty row of chairs, all by yourself? Because the people either side of you would still be disturbed.

I came onto this thread imagining some bizarre scenario where you had to pop your baby alongside all the dogs tied up at the school gate whilst you frantically ran to the classroom to deposit the other child!

Reading your OP though, that is a bloody ridiculous rule, although setting a precedent where people take babies out when they start screaming would be nice! I wouldn't have been to anything if that were the rule when DS1 was at primary & babies are actually pretty quiet most of the time anyway!?

Babies are welcome in our school - it's a very friendly and welcoming place with loads of family members volunteering for all sorts of things, and it's never been a problem having babies or toddler at plays or concerts. Sometimes a baby might cry, but that's life. Sometimes one of the performers might start shouting or flapping their arms, but that's fine too because the school is a welcoming and inclusive community.

Well, there are actually lots of solutions, so you could make one of those work, or you could be a martyr and moan about it!

• Have your friend/sibling babysit and they take them on their school run
• Ask a parent/sibling/friend to take annual leave and have this as your birthday/Christmas present or trade a favour of some kind with them
• If you have a partner get them to take annual leave / take a late lunch
• Swop with another parent if there is more than one performance
• Set up a trade with someone who has a child in a different class/year
• Ask if you can go to the dress rehearsal
• Ask PTA if they want to set up a creche (but you must be prepared to volunteer and/or organise)
• Book someone from sitters

I am actually quite surprised that a SAHM hasn't got a network of people they can trade favours like this with or that your partner can't use annual leave if they don't need to use leave for childcare purposes.

My children's school have this policy now too. However, parents with younger children are invited along to a dress rehearsal.
There are usually two dress rehearsals, one morning and one afternoon. It means more parents get a chance to watch their kids, seems to work quite well.
our school hall is pretty small, so once all the parents were inside, there wasn't much room to safely accommodate prams/pushchairs.

Some parents are very unreasonable unfortunately, such as the ones who sit themselves at the front and then allow a toddler to invade the stage area while the play is in progress, the parents who find a nice empty space which has been masking taped off and get very antsy when asked to move as the nice empty space is actually the way the children get on and off the stage, the ones who ignore every health and safety rule in the book and block doors with their prams, the ones who allow their toddlers to run riot in the reading book shelves that are stored in the hall, the ones who do NOT turn off their phones and are so barefaced that instead of shrivelling in shame take the call and continue the conversation, lots more examples, the school play really brings out the worst in some parents.

Anyone who watches a school play in silence waiting, with baited breath, for their little darling to mumble "we three kings" while staring into the middle distance is bananas. These things are awful!

When I rule the world, families will be welcome at family events. And there'll be some fucking variation on the sodding nativity play. And anyone who takes this nonsense too seriously will be made to babysit any baby who cries. Anyone caught videoing the sodding thing will be beaten soundly around the head with the video camera whilst being made to watch endless nativity plays on repeat.

Babies can be pretty quiet yes, in my experience it's the toddlers who are more of a nuisance! If you have a small baby and they're feeling like being quiet, you can be pretty unobtrusive.

When do you take over LaPharisienne ? I can't wait

Thankfully more schools are doing this for at least one performance so those of us who want to hear the children can actually do so. It is sad for people without childcare but so many people think it's acceptable their child ruins something for everybody else schools have no choice.

Applauds LaPharisienne!

I don't know what else is in your manifesto LaPhariesienne but you have my vote.

BoomBooms tomorrow. Teresa says she hates nativity plays too.