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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School: "no babies allowed"

361 replies

Lardeedar · 14/11/2016 18:20

My DD's primary school insists that for all school meetings, nativity plays and parents evenings, no babies or toddlers are allowed to come. I have a toddler that I look after at home, and I'm perfectly capable of keeping him quiet (phone, iPad and lollipops given rarely enough to be novel seems to work) or failing that, I have curtesy and common sense enough to remove him from the location if he does decide to pipe up!

The school just assumes I have a nan up the road on hand to babysit whenever I want but I don't. These meetings or plays are always 2-3. Both my parents are working, as are my siblings and friends, they have jobs and the two that don't have their own kids and school runs preventing them from helping out.

I'm expecting my third child now and am really upset about all the plays and meetings I'll have to miss because they won't let me in with my newborn. Even if I did have available childcare I resent being obliged to leave my (probably breastfed) newborn for any amount of time for such a stupid policy. Is this normal? Are all schools like this??

OP posts:
AnneElliott · 14/11/2016 19:31

Our school does a crèche for babies and toddlers which is run by the TAs and the nursery staff. Maybe suggest this as an option?

BobbieDog · 14/11/2016 19:32

I have this problem with dd nursery. They do parents evening 3 times a year but stipulate that you must leave your child at home.

This makes it incredibly difficult for me as the parents evening starts at 6pm therefore i dont go.

Starlight2345 · 14/11/2016 19:32

Our school has a mixed approach, Parents evening and plays no pre school...

School meetings, sports day and the awful pop in any make nice faces at everyone elses homework anyone can go.

To be honest the parents evening one is odd because if you can't go they ask for a meeting before or after school which siblings can go..The play I support.. I have took annual leave to watch my Ds's play so yes I want to watch it..

conserveisposhforjam · 14/11/2016 19:32

And 'your ilk' too. That's got my vote Grin

Ilovewillow · 14/11/2016 19:34

Ours is a mixture, for performances there are usually two, one parents only and one for all members of the family. Parents evening not usually an issue at all. Curriculum meetings adults only buy these are usually evenings so we split them between us!

AmberEars · 14/11/2016 19:34

Our school says no DC of any age for parents evenings (only twice a year though).

For nativity plays and other performances, you can attend the dress rehearsal with a baby / toddler but not the actual performance.

For sharing assembly or other occasions it's generally ok to bring your baby.

LaPharisienne · 14/11/2016 19:37

I think it's posh for "cunts like you"?

Bobsmum02 · 14/11/2016 19:37

Broomstickoflove has it bang on for me...schools should be welcoming, inclusive places. But I agree that there should be equal respect shown from the parents to the teachers and children who work hard on these performances and therefore are prepared to step out if they or their younger children cause any major disruption....a parent with a bad cough could cause as much disruption as a short cry/noise from a baby or toddler!

Headofthehive55 · 14/11/2016 19:38

silver although it's good to have a network if people that do favours, sometimes it's just not possible. I found that lots of mums work these days. i agree that if you wish to encourage the family to be involved with the school, that includes being toddler friendly.

I've never been to a meeting with the teacher that has told me anything useful though, or anything I didn't already know so I don't know why they should be so difficult about those. Would they rather you didn't go?

Enidblyton1 · 14/11/2016 19:41

YANBU
Our school allows babies and young children at all events, although I suppose it is a small school and there never seem to be very many young siblings around. For certain events the school offers a crèche.
I would mention your concern to the school. Failing any support from them I would speak to other parents in your situation and see if you can arrange your own crèche.
For parents evening, I would put your foot down and say it is ridiculous that you can't bring a smaller hold along. I recently brought my toddler to a parents evening and the teacher produced a box of toys for her to play with. The meetings only last 5-10 minutes anyway!
Hope you manage to sort something out - I sympathise because I would be in the same situation if my DCs school was not so accommodating.

AuntieStella · 14/11/2016 19:43

"To be honest, a child howling because a baby cried is a bit daft (assuming no SEN.)"

Four year olds are little more than babies themselves, and being on the stage is a Big Deal.

You could feel the sympathy from the audience. But it was still an awful moment.

Agree very, very strongly that videoing the performance from the audience should be banned completely - except (perhaps) for those in the back row only.

Flowerpower321 · 14/11/2016 19:47

Many, many parents are not considerate and let their little darlings scream through the performance. Or wander round/ onto the stage/ comment loudly on everything. Or they park buggies blocking the fire exits. Or they let them watch peppa pig on an iPad with the volume up. Really. It ruins most primary shows for the poor children who've spent weeks learning their lines and songs. I wish our school would ban babies and toddlers!

grannytomine · 14/11/2016 19:47

At my GCs school they have a small hall, if babies start crying it is almost impossible to get out. Even if you get a seat near the exit it ends up blocked.

RevEm · 14/11/2016 19:48

Yep and yep!

voddiekeepsmesane · 14/11/2016 19:48

As a parent of an only I am totally pleased that at primary during performances of plays etc there was 1 in the afternoon that allowed younger children and 2 in the evenings that stipulated older siblings only, Not everyone wants to hear your precious 2/3 year old and the coos and ahhs isn't he/she cute I want to hear and see my child thanks. The world does not revolve around you ( yes you the parent of 4 that ruined every single performance of my childs over 7 years. Get a sitter or take turns with other family members for performances! And breathe ...

Headofthehive55 · 14/11/2016 19:53

What a compassionate lot you are! So I should just have deal with not only the bad luck if having a child that no, I couldn't leave with just someone else, due to her disabilities, you'd see me miss my other DDs play too?

Fortunately I was surrounded by people who felt differently!

TeacherBob · 14/11/2016 19:55

Pretty much.

The children in the performance deserve the respect of performing without distractions

AllPizzasGreatAndSmall · 14/11/2016 19:55

My school does not put on Nativity plays, it does however put on performances throughout the year by every year group. Whilst 4 year olds may not work their arses off, older children do put in many hours of rehearsals, not to mention the staff who organise the whole thing including sets and costumes.

voddiekeepsmesane · 14/11/2016 19:56

And because of your difficulties I should miss out on my childs milestones? Six of one and half dozen of the other huh

Ditsy4 · 14/11/2016 19:57

We have two plays one for babies and toddlers allowed and one for adults only.
Think about it the other way.
Why should you not hear your precious child say his part because someone lets their toddler scream the place down.
Last year we actually had a parent answer her phone and carry on a conversation while the play was on! It wasn't an emergency we all heard what she said. Some people are just not considerate of others which causes schools to make such rules.
Our school runs a crèche for some meetings.

Fruitboxjury · 14/11/2016 19:58

I have a 1 year old and a 4 year old, my 4 year olds school don't allow siblings to performances. I don't want to hear anyone else's kids and it not unusual for the parents o let keep them quiet until they've heard their own child anyway. I also don't want my toddler with me. She's a nightmare at the best of times, I want to concentrate on my DS and his friends, not have to worry about whether DD is going to kick off.

I am completely comfortable with that, what I'm NOT happy with is that the school makes it bloody impossible to for both parents to go and / or to get childcare.

Our performances are tues / weds / thurs at 9.15 so neighbours etc are all working, grandparents from nearby have no intention of getting up to drive over, any other friends / family are all off doing their own school runs and either one or both of you have to take holiday from work to go along. If it was even a Monday / Friday it would be better. End of day would be better. Anything would be better than 9.15 TWT.

MyGiddyUncle · 14/11/2016 20:03

Anyone who watches a school play in silence waiting, with baited breath, for their little darling to mumble "we three kings" while staring into the middle distance is bananas. These things are awful!

If you're a parent, I hope you don't tell your dc that.

I love watching mine in plays - their bits. I watch them rehearse and practice, I watch their sense of achievement as they learn their lines by heart or manage to remember all of the words of their song. It's a big deal to a young child. A huge deal. And I love watching their hard work (because it is, to them) come to fruition and would never belittle them for it because 'it's only a play'.

I must admit I generally clench my teeth through the 80% of the play that my dc are not in - i'm not interested in watching the other 100 random kids tbh. But I do, obviously. Like I said, I just hope your attitude isn't apparent to your dc.

Headofthehive55 · 14/11/2016 20:04

voddie that the lack of compassion that I'm taking about. Maybe that's your bad luck - I hardly think being unable to hear a child's line perfectly compares unfavourably with the knowledge that your child would be most unlikely to be able to ever deliver that one line or not being able to hear your child speak, or cry at all because they have problems.

LaPharisienne · 14/11/2016 20:06

Woah...

TeacherBob and voddie - can I just confirm you are actually saying your kids' performance in a school play is more important than showing compassion to others in less easy circumstances? What kind of demon children are you raising with an example like that?!!!!

I was laughing at you and your ilk but, er, not so much...

itlypocerka · 14/11/2016 20:10

Yabu - how can they possibly say to you - nice well behaved person who has well behaved sociably disciplined toddler that you can bring them into the play, and say to another mum who has a baby who is not so bribable and is guaranteed to bw noisy that there's a different rule for her? And then none of the parents get to actually see the play their child is trying to perform in.

For nativity plays aren't there usually more than one performance? In which case you just buddy up with another parent and each look after the other's toddler for one of the shows. Admittedly there are always going to be some things where there's only one chance and occasionally you pay through the nose for a babysitter or you have to miss it but you don't have to miss everything.