School: "no babies allowed"

[Lardeedar]

My DD's primary school insists that for all school meetings, nativity plays and parents evenings, no babies or toddlers are allowed to come. I have a toddler that I look after at home, and I'm perfectly capable of keeping him quiet (phone, iPad and lollipops given rarely enough to be novel seems to work) or failing that, I have curtesy and common sense enough to remove him from the location if he does decide to pipe up!

The school just assumes I have a nan up the road on hand to babysit whenever I want but I don't. These meetings or plays are always 2-3. Both my parents are working, as are my siblings and friends, they have jobs and the two that don't have their own kids and school runs preventing them from helping out.

I'm expecting my third child now and am really upset about all the plays and meetings I'll have to miss because they won't let me in with my newborn. Even if I did have available childcare I resent being obliged to leave my (probably breastfed) newborn for any amount of time for such a stupid policy. Is this normal? Are all schools like this??

YNBU. As you say we don't all have nans/mums who live 3 doors up.
I agree it discrimination against children whose parents can't get baby sitters.
I can still recall now being s child and looking out for my mum during school plays. I'd have been devastated if she'd not been there. There's nothing worse than that your mum not being around when everyone else's is.

They don't need to learn to sit through plays at that age.

If I sat 3 year olds on the carpet and taught them, I would be graded requires improvement or inadequate because children that age can't concentrate that long.
This is about the children on stage.

I wish they'd do this at our school, the hall is so small that when everyone is in it's packed and then you get those mums who have to drive their massive pram in and park it in everyone's way so you can't get past.
Those saying ask the PTA to run a crèche, I wouldn't do it, I'm there to see my child not look after your toddler and I'm not giving up my day off for you either. Our PTA is dbs checked but not to babysit kids not in the school.

I'm not getting the compassion thing . Why is someone rocking up to the school play with her squawking toddler and refusing to leave when they drown out the kids on stage deserving of compassion??
Especially when they quite clearly couldn't give a tuppenny damn about anybody else?

I have sat been part of school productions for 20 years. There is ALWAYS a baby or toddler who spoils it

And again, this performance is NOT put on to teach your toddlers.

I don't need to. It is a little thing called respect.

The children deserve it and don't desrve to have some kid crying through it.

I am fed up with this 'everyone should put up with my kid screaming' attitude.
No respect

Explain the joy factor in someone else's toddler screeching through your child's lines, zzzz? You really must be shit stirring with that post, or you're just plain thick

Our school has an open door policy. There are babies and toddlers in the school all the bloody time. And they are welcomed and expected. And when the children do their play, they expect that there might be an adult with a cough or a sneezing fit, or a teenaged sister with autism who shouts a bit, or a parent who has to take an important work call and dashes out for a few minutes, or who is overcome with emotion and cries and blows their nose, or a tall dad who fidgets because the seats are too small, or a toddler who shouts 'That's my brother!' and waves when the shepherds show up, or a mother with morning sickness who nips out to vomit, or a baby who cries and is taken out or fed.

They also expect that this will not spoil the play and everyone will applaud and tell them how much they enjoyed the play at the end. And very occasionally, every few years, the headteacher might step up onto the stage and say 'it was a bit noisy out there, and I don't think that everyone could hear what the camel had to say. Could we have a bit of hush, and Harry, would you like to say your words again?'.

And the children, even the shy ones, are not devastated by the terrible experience of having a baby in the audience, but instead feel relaxed and confident in an environment where everyone, children, staff and family members are expected to be involved and to do their best, but where nobody expects, or even wants perfection.

YABU about the school plays but maybe suggest to the school they have a performance where babies and toddlers are welcome and then an adults only one.

But I have to say after years of sitting through plays etc with babies wailing, parents shuffling out or trying to shove a pram down and out the door while some poor 5 year old is trying to deliver their one line, not to mention the toddlers left to wander unchecked or crawl about on the floor, I do think that it's nice for the kids on stage to actually be heard rather than attention drawn away from them to something going on in the audience.

Confession time: When DD1 was in her Christmas concert at the local church, all families were welcome, all ages and I went with DD2 who was about a year old. We sat upstairs in the balcony to watch as I thought if she babbled it would be less distracting to those taking part. However, she decided to launch her dummy over the edge where it landed in front of a small child dressed as a sheep. Not exactly the inconspicuous viewing I'd intended! One of the teachers came up with it giggling away to return it to us.

Quite a strange policy, Broomstick. No school should "expect" to have babies and toddlers careering round the place all the bloody time. Or any time, really...

I find it quite a sad policy

or a baby who cries and is taken out or fed

What are you missing about the last 6 pages of posts?

If everyone whose baby or toddler cried took them out, there would be no issue - none. Babies and toddlers could be welcomed at all plays.

But it's not the case. Because there are always a handful of selfish, entitled cunts who let their kid fucking screech through the whole thing because they would rather see little Harry with their two year old screaming rather than miss little Harry altogether. And bugger everyone else in the audience, and the kids on stage.

And it does spoil it. And it does affect the kids who are supposed to be enjoying their performance and concentrating on stage.

Schools don't ban babies and toddlers for fun or because they enjoy making life difficult for parents. It's as a result of previous years where plays etc have been spoiled.

I've been going to school plays for the last 7 years, and have yet to see one be spoiled by a baby.

Those saying it should be all about the performers, I agree it should be. I just don't understand how having toddlers in the room somehow makes it not about the children performing? Yes it might be annoying to have a baby cry or shout out etc but these are nativity plays not Broadway, a momentary interruption hardly ruins the whole performance?

flogging I was asking for compassion for my situation some years ago. When attending plays I had to bring my little one. I couldn't get a babysitter due to her disabilities and DH worked away. To allow me to bring my silent child (she couldn't speak anyway) enabled me to attend. Without such compassion from my fellow parents and school I would have been excluded.

I always hope that others would without doubt would show regard for our situation at that time, but I can see from this thread that it was unusual!

If parents did act reasonably and take their child out when it was causing a disturbance, then there would be no need for a ban on younger children. But as with most things in life, some have ruined it for everyone else.

At my school, children can come to parents evenings and assemblies, but our school musical is an absolute no. It's a very big deal for us, and the school works on it for the whole year. It's also held in a professional theatre, not just the school hall.

I don't have any sympathy for parents that whinge that they will have to make other arrangements for their younger children on those nights. It's one night of the year. Especially since I have no family support, friends to call on to babysit, or a partner I can leave my child with, so I'm paying a babysitter to sit with my own child whilst I work outside of hours unpaid to put on an event for your child. Don't come at me with excuses why you absolutely must bring your little darling with you. Hire a babysitter if you don't have anyone else.

I think YABU but the school should make provision for those who don't have anyone to look after the babies.

Once a child has piped up, they have disturbed the proceedings. Taking them out of course is good, but they can make some noise before finally getting them through the door.
It isn't fair on others and this isn't about precious snowflakes, but the enjoyment of others.

I think YABU but the school should make provision for those who don't have anyone to look after the babies.

Why? They aren't the school's responsibility. And if I'm paying for babysitting for my own child for the night, you can get stuffed if you think I'm going to spend it looking after someone else's young kids for free. My responsibility is to the students enrolled in my school. Their parents can make other arrangements for their others.

For the wider community Midnite
A local after school club worker (s) depending on ratio could look after children in a classroom for a couple of hours, at a cost to parents.
Surely, there wouldn't be that many parents with absolutely nobody to help, but it would help the desperate ones.
I had to miss one of my ds nativities for this reason, was over 20 years ago though I was heartbroken, may sound daft, but I had nobody I could ask to help. All mum friends were going.