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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

If a man calls you 'love'...

218 replies

sisterignatius · 22/10/2016 08:30

.. in the post office depot, when he's asking you to sign for a parcel - is that just the equivalent of him addressing you as 'mate' if you're a man? Or is being called 'love' when you're a woman somehow different from being called 'mate'?

What, if he's fleetingly - and possibly unconsciously - checked you out before fetching your parcel? Does that make any difference to the use of the word 'love'?

OP posts:

Lewwat · 22/10/2016 08:31

Crystal15 · 22/10/2016 08:32

It's just a friendly term!?

janethegirl2 · 22/10/2016 08:33

Regional? I wouldn't care or even think about it. A total non event!

MyGiddyUncle · 22/10/2016 08:34

It's just a word. Love, sweetheart, darlin' - a bit cringe if you're bothered by that sort of thing but I think these are automatically used if they're in that persons vocabulary - and probably get used equally with 20 year old hotties and 85 year old grannies tbh.

Bobafatt · 22/10/2016 08:35

I don't find it sexual, but I find it very patronizing.

PaperdollCartoon · 22/10/2016 08:35

Love is like mate in my book, doesn't bother me at all.

insancerre · 22/10/2016 08:36

It means he knows where you live and is going to stalk you

tibbawyrots · 22/10/2016 08:36

It's a word. Around here you get called "me duck" usually. There is no ill intent!

abbsismyhero · 22/10/2016 08:37

Get called love all the time by strangers I just sweetie them right back

Briarthorn · 22/10/2016 08:38

I was talking to DH about this yesterday because he was taking a business call and the chap on the line kept calling him "mate". Wondering if he'd have called me that if dealing with me. I don't think he would have, but then I don't think he'd have used "love" either, it seems a bit ... diminishing, and I'd not have taken up the service he was offering.

Purplepicnic · 22/10/2016 08:38

Wouldn't even register

Dogsmom · 22/10/2016 08:39

I really don't get the issue with being 'checked out', we all do it, you can't tell me that you never notice if a man or woman is attractive the first time you see him?

As for the word love it's just a friendly term, .

BertrandRussell · 22/10/2016 08:40

Well, approximately 427 posters will be along to tell you that a) it's perfectly normal- where they come from everyone calls everyone else "love" especially men who haven't met each other before and if they are special friends they call each other "sugar tits" and b) you should take it as a compliment, haven't you got anything else to be offended by and it's women like you who turn other women off feminism.

Me? I think it's a depressing symptom of a patriarchal society, and part of the low level sexism that continues to normalize it. And if men were called up on this sort of thing every single time we might get somewhere. the calling up can be polite and gentle but it has to be every time.

PolarBearLover14 · 22/10/2016 08:43

Seriously? Your WAY WAY WAY over thinking this.
It's typical Yorkshire terminology - my father in law calls everyone love including his sons and grandson although it's probably used more towards women in most cases, it's just like mate or pal but women don't tend to want to be called pal.

Timeforabiscuit · 22/10/2016 08:43

I was a properly freaked out kent girl when i was addressed as "my lover" in plymouth in my twenties.

It was swiftly followed by my flower, petal and maid.

After my initial shock, i found them beautiful words, always spoken with kindness and respect - i love hearing them.

LynetteScavo · 22/10/2016 08:43

What do you say when you call them up on it?

Ohbehave1 · 22/10/2016 08:45

how on earth is it patronising? It's a term like mate or me duck as others have said.

And to bring out the "it's all part of the patriarchy that is society " is rubbish.

It is used as a term of friendship. It is not a term to try and show you have power over or are in control of anyone.

Mountain and molehill spring to mind.

NavyandWhite · 22/10/2016 08:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EstrellaCircusGirl · 22/10/2016 08:48

The thing is Bertrand, it genuinely is just a standard form of address north of Watford Gap. Along with duck, pet, cock/cocker etc.

Like anything in life, surely it comes down to context and intonation. If I was in a shop and the server said "that'll be £9.99 love", that's no different to them saying "that'll be £9.99 sir/madam." However, if someone was mansplaining and said "look love..." then no, that's not on.

user1476656305 · 22/10/2016 08:49

it is patronising but usually more so when it is said by a woman, to a woman.
I had a colleague who insisted on addressing me as "sweetheart" or at least she did until i told her to stop it in no uncertain terms...:)
she was trying to make some kind of point I think.

insancerre · 22/10/2016 08:51

At least he didn't call you hun

Bruce02 · 22/10/2016 08:53

Love the posters that come along and say

'You will get posters saying it's normal....but here is why they are wrong'.

It's just a way of trying to shut anyone with a differing opinion down.

I live in an area where love can be anyone. And yes my dad calls his male friends love. Someone coming along saying that's just excusing the patriachy doesn't make it not true.

mowglik · 22/10/2016 08:53

How is it patronising? Lot of silliness over a non issue. Men and women use the term 'love', it's so common, I can't see how it's sexist or depressing.

MyGiddyUncle · 22/10/2016 08:53

Along with duck, pet, cock/cocker etc

I'll never forget dh's face when we went to a pub in Manchester years ago and the barman (who was a fairly rough/intimidating looking bloke) approached him and said 'Alright cock, what you after?'

He'd never heard it said before...a hold host of emotions ran over his face in a split second (I think ranging between is he pissed/is he about to punch me/what the actual fuck) before he burbled his order.

BadToTheBone · 22/10/2016 08:54

It's love or even worse, pet around here. I don't like it myself but it's never said with ill intent, so I rarely notice.

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