If a man calls you 'love'...

[sisterignatius]

.. in the post office depot, when he's asking you to sign for a parcel - is that just the equivalent of him addressing you as 'mate' if you're a man? Or is being called 'love' when you're a woman somehow different from being called 'mate'?

What, if he's fleetingly - and possibly unconsciously - checked you out before fetching your parcel? Does that make any difference to the use of the word 'love'?

[HemanOrSheRa]

Haha! Yes BowieFan my luvver or my babber down here in the South West. Or 'Me Auld Babs'.

[Bluesrunthegame]

I hate it. Try hard not to mind, but it always grates. One of these days I'm going to come back with "I'm not your love" and cause huge offence, and because I can feel this almost happening, I get quite tense when people call me it.

However, when some Cornish railwaymen were explaining the mysteries of local train times and called me and my boyfriend of the time "my lover", it seemed entirely reasonable and no reason for offence at all.

Go figure. Maybe it's context. But broadly, I dislike it.

[twattymctwatterson]

Jesus wept, can't really believe this thread is still going on. Op I'm a feminist and I really couldn't be arsed if a man I didn't know fleetingly checked me out and called me love, unless it was prefixed with "get your tits out". That being said it has clearly scarred you so I'd get it logged if I were you

[WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid]

Baffling thread. Surely it's as simple as

A - someone calls you love in a friendly way = that's fine, I personally actively enjoy it.

B - someone calls you love in a patronising way = that's really not ok.

[Namechangingbastard]

I call everybody 'love' Whether I know them or not..."thanks love" is my most commonly used phrase! Bradford here and it's used a lot.

[BertrandRussell]

But are you a man?

[UsernameHistory]

"I think it's a depressing symptom of a patriarchal society"

I'm delighted that this was on the first page and MN standards aren't slipping.

Being called 'love' is no different to 'mate' or anything similar.

What do you mean by 'unconsciously checked you out'? You mean looked at you? How very dare he!

[hopetobehappy]

Is " unconsciously checking you out" what we used to call someone eyeing you up. Isn't that what men have done since like..... time began. So a man "eyes you up" because he probably fancies you and then calls you "love" when he speaks to you? Crikey, what a cad!

[Ohbehave1]

Betrandrussell. So it's ok for a woman to use a pet name but not a man. .

The phrase love is just like mate , buddy, dude or one hundred other phrases. (Me duck round here)

There is nothing wrong with fighting for woman's rights but don't be surprised when people start to think that you are completely over the top when you start thinking that men are being belittling by using a word that is just a term of friendship

[RestlessTraveller]

Ahh so you want to be called Ma'am. Like the queen.

[Oblomov16]

Disagree with Bertrand, don't think is sexism and I think calling it so, just demeans the feminist arguments that are valid.

[BertrandRussell]

"The phrase love is just like mate , buddy, dude or one hundred other phrases"

Out of interest- why do you think that men don't call each other "love"?

[WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid]

Disagree with Bertrand, don't think is sexism and I think calling it so, just demeans the feminist arguments that are valid

Got to agree with this, it would be lovely if this was the only issue it's not actually an issue facing women in the uk.
Surely there is other crap that should be tackled before we all start analysing the difference between "love" and "mate"

[Mouseinahole]

To me it is normal. As a teacher I'd use it with pupils e.g. "Have you finished your work love?"
"Ok love you may go now."
I think it sounds friendly. I am from the North. I grew up with 'pet' or 'love' everyday.
I agree that tone could make a difference though I can't quite see how.

[Ohbehave1]

Bertrand. Love. My lover. Lovely. They do. Why don't you go and fight something important like equality of pay rather than fighting a total non issue. It's this sort of thing that makes feminists look like a joke.

[BertrandRussell]

Mouse. Are you a man and if so do you use "love" to both male and female pupils? If you're a woman, would you think it perfectly normal for a man to call his pupils of both sexes "love"?

[dementedma]

We had a young male intern and as he handed me a file I absently minded said "thanks toots!" which just made everyone smile, him included. I have been known to refer to the youngsters as "child" on occasion which is what I sometime call my own dcs, as in " are you ready, child?".

[UsernameHistory]

Out of interest- why do you think that men don't call each other "love"?

Because they have 'mate', 'buddy' etc. Just because something is said to a woman doesn't mean that it's sexist.

[BertrandRussell]

Fair enough. I'm surprised that it doesn't seem even a little bit curious that the one word that men frequently use to women they don't use to each other, and the "equal"words like "mate" they don't use to women, but there you go.

[green18]

Why does it matter Bertrand if it's not said with any malice?

[BertrandRussell]

Because inequality between men and women is maintained by big things- and by lots and lots and lots of tiny things. Things that don't seem worth commenting on- but which all add up.

[derxa]

I absently minded said "thanks toots!" My shepherdess calls our ewes 'Toots' and the tups 'Boys'. I expect the ewes are fuming.

[BertrandRussell]

"'Like anything in life, surely it comes down to context and intonation."

Is that really true? Does everything come down to context?

And if it does, surely the context here is that this is a word that men only use towards women?

[NorbertDentressangle]

I think of 'love' in the OP's context as being like 'mate' and wouldn't take offence.

'Ma'am' is too formal and stuffy sounding
'Miss' is what children use at school. I couldn't imagine being called 'Miss' by an adult outside of a school setting.
I thought 'My lover' was an urban myth until hearing it in Cornwall.

The one I really dislike is 'bab'. I wouldn't be offended if someone called me it but something about it just makes me cringe.