If a man calls you 'love'...

[sisterignatius]

.. in the post office depot, when he's asking you to sign for a parcel - is that just the equivalent of him addressing you as 'mate' if you're a man? Or is being called 'love' when you're a woman somehow different from being called 'mate'?

What, if he's fleetingly - and possibly unconsciously - checked you out before fetching your parcel? Does that make any difference to the use of the word 'love'?

[dworky]

If it was 'just a friendly term' then men would also call other men love, dear, honey, etc.
The only friendly term I accept is mate, otherwise I call them out on it.

[EarlGreyTeaAndToast]

dworky~ they do 🙄 My DH calls his father "love" and vice versa.

[chattygranny]

Up north everyone calls you love or pet. In the West Country it might be "my lover" It's better than being rude. I think tone is everything. You know when it's creepy and when it's just regional forms of address.

[hopetobehappy]

In the absence of knowing someone's name, mate or love or sweetheart etc are just used to sound more friendly. How can anyone be bothered to care.

[HyacinthFuckit]

Have you missed the posts about there being areas where men do call each other 'love' dworky?

[paddypants13]

I have always known love as a term for both men and women used by men and women. I think generally it is meant kindly.

I have on occasion asked someone to stop calling me love but that is because she was using it to be deliberately condescending.

[Oysterbabe]

It doesn't bother me at all.
My Dr called me Honey Bunny the other day. I was a bit but was also crying at the time and I know she was just trying to be nice.

[FearofFlight]

Another non-gritty Northerner (from Yorkshire if it matters) here saying being called 'love' on its own probably wouldn't register with me particularly.

However, somebody 'checking me out' might make me feel uncomfortable, irrespective of the use of 'love'.

[Fintress]

I got called sweet thing recently while I was being clipped onto a zip line in the middle of a jungle. I didn't mind a bit as he was bloody gorgeous 😄

[opheliaamongthelillies]

"And secondly - if he had called me 'ma'am' as they do in the US - when he asked me to sign...."

I think that sounds like the postal worker is somehow inferior to you though so maybe it is just a matter of perception.

I don't particularly like the terms sir/madam because I feel people are being "ever so humble" and/or insincere, even if to them, it is just a word. Words are just that. It is the tone used and our perception that define the meaning.

[totallystumped]

No, Navyandwhite, "Butty" is used in Wales like "Mate" in other regions.

My dad always calls women "Mrs", which isn't that unusual where I grew up (no surname, just Mrs)

I dislike being called "Madam" it seldom seems to come naturally to the person saying it.

Did love the young boy who said "Thank you Miss" when I let him and his mum go through the checkout in front of me (mum didn't seem to feel the need to say anything at all)

[Shinyshoes2]

I'm in retail . After I serve a Customer I often find myself saying " thanks love "

[onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad]

My mum used to call me "love" - I'd ring up and she's always say "hello love" - she was from Oxford - they also use "duck" there which is great. I grew up in the NW people used it all the time - men and women - I call my DP and my kids "love"
It's a term of affection.

[SleepyHare]

It's just a word. I doubt he was checking you out then thought hmmm if I say love it will get across the message I think she's attractive. It's not like he said sign there sexy.

Don't ever move to yorkshire you'll hate it!

[NicknameUsed]

"If it was 'just a friendly term' then men would also call other men love"

But they do round here dworky. It's a Yorkshire "thing"

[BestIsWest]

DH uses butt or butty too. Only for men though. I don't think I've ever heard him use anything for women. We're in Wales too.

Love or anything similar is certainly not ok in a working relationship.

[sisterignatius]

It happened in north London and he (and I) are Londoners, since that's apparently relevant.

[MorrisZapp]

There was a fashion in the nineties for calling women mate.

I think it started on Men Behaving Badly.

[NataliaOsipova]

Agree with BestisWest - if a colleague did it in an attempt to be patronising, I would shut him down. The man in the post office? He was probably just trying to be friendly and would call the next 30 people who came in the same thing.

I have either reached the age or the imperiousness of manner whereby all sorts of (usually young) men have started to call me "ma'am" or "madam". My DH thinks this is bloody hilarious. I personally much prefer "love"!

[TrishanFlips]

All depends on context. Amongst colleagues, unless you are very familiar, and the "love" goes both ways, it would be inappropriate. Doctor to patient or vice versa seems so wrong too. A stranger in a shop, if the tone is right, is okay. I find it warm and friendly usually but I must admit I don't use it back - not really part of my vocabulary. It would be a shame to knock these local terms of casual endearment out of our rich tapestry of regional dialects. Calling people up on it seems like unnecessary bullying if nothing was meant by it, especially if it is a middle class person shaming a working class person on the language use with which they have been brought up. Context and tone is everything. The story about "Hello Cock," in Manchester above is very funny.

[Ifailed]

What, if he's fleetingly - and possibly unconsciously - checked you out before fetching your parcel? Does that make any difference to the use of the word 'love'?

How do you know he was 'checking you out'?

[AgentProvocateur]

The security officer at the front desk of my office calls me kiddo. I love it - I'm nearly 50 (and he's probably in his 70s).

[n0ne]

Doesn't bother me and I'm a staunch feminist. I call women darling without thinking about it.

[MarklahMarklah]

I'm just going to recount a story a friend of mine told me.
Her boss was rather 'odd' as she put it. Dressed like someone of 70 in the 1970s even though she was 40 in the 1990s. Bustled around wanting to know everyone's business. Had no tech knowledge. [this sets the scene]

One day the photocopier broke. Friend's boss telephones company to send engineer out. Has a minor gripe on them about being, as she said, "patronising".
Engineer arrives and asks for Friend's boss.
Friend's boss introduces herself to engineer and tells him what problem is.
Engineer: "Alright, love, I'll take a look"
Friends boss (in highly offended tone): "I'm not your love!"
Engineer: "Oh, sorry darling..."
Apparently friend's boss went puce, stomped off and spent half an hour muttering about sexual harassment.

[sisterignatius]

Don't be silly. Have you never had that kind of look from a man? The quick once over?