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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... to start my own sh*t birthday present from DH thread?

496 replies

liz70 · 08/09/2016 10:58

...Seeing as there seem to be a few knocking around at the moment?

My birthday was on Tuesday. I spent most of it running around after other people - taking DD2 to an appointment, looking after DD3 in the evening while DH had a meet up (optional) after work. So by the time he comes in at 9pm I've been run ragged, getting DD3 fed, bathed, to bed, hanging washing, getting things ready for the next morning, preparing a meal for us etc.

So DH puts my birthday present on the table. A small bag of Thornton's chocolates. Unwrapped.

Now... I don't think I'm particularly materialistic. I try to keep costs down with shopping - groceries are pretty much all supermarket and value brand. I buy most of my and DD3's clothes from George, F & F and suchlike. I don't demand designer hand bags or diamond jewellery.

We're not super wealthy, but neither are we skint - no mortgage, and a comfortable amount of savings.

It seemed to have fuck all thought put into it, and he couldn't even be arsed to wrap it. Sad I did ask if he'd also brought a bunch of flowers from a petrol station, to complete the whole "will this do?" vibe, but no.

I just feel so fucking undervalued and unappreciated right now.Sad

I think I'll just tell him that from now on, don't fucking bother getting me anything for birthdays. I'd rather buy something myself.

OP posts:
ImNotJoeMyNameIsHarry · 08/09/2016 11:02

My partner proposed on my birthday. And I know that seems great but now it's counted as an anniversary as well so I have to get him a present. On my birthday. Whereas he only needs to get one for both birthday and anniversary. I know his evil plan the dick.

Minkybinkyboo · 08/09/2016 11:02

My DH bought me a harmonica for Christmas... And once for my birthday when I was heavily pregnant bought me Miranda Harts 'Maracattack' on dvd... It's still in the plastic Hmm

Original poster
liz70 · 08/09/2016 11:04

I gave the chocs to DDs 1 and 2 to share (DD3's not keen on filled chocolates).

OP posts:
GettingScaredNow · 08/09/2016 11:05

Exh would commonly start a fight a few days before my birthday/valentines/Christmas and then say he hadn't got me anything cos I didn't deserve anything.

He did get me a gift for my 30th though.
An electric toothbrush. Which I was actually quite pleased with.
All my family were quite agog he had thought about it and gone out in advance etc. Until I told them that we had had a huge row where I had expressly forbidden him to acknowledge my birthday/Christmas/valentines etc in any way shape or form.
So then it made total sense that he got me something!

Was a shit present with a shitty 'message' but actually it was a great thing to be given and not have to pay for myself!

HuskyLover1 · 08/09/2016 11:05

That's absolutely shit. And I hope you told him so, or this behaviour will continue. I'd be blanking him until he grovels.

Boogers · 08/09/2016 11:09

Minky H bought me that DVD for Christmas/birthday (can't remember which Blush) a few years ago and it's still in the cellophane. Has anyone actually watched it?

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 · 08/09/2016 11:10

I hope you are going to eat the when box yourself? And them go shopping and treat yourself. And buy him garage flowers for his.
We got married on my birthday.
He gets a present.
And I get 2!Grin

scarednoob · 08/09/2016 11:12

that sucks OP.

current DP is great but I had one ex who never bought me anything - apart from one year, when I got a talking "little Britain" figure (andy and lou, in case anyone cares). "little Britain" was very cool at the time and it was ok but not exactly the kind of present you want from your partner - however, it later transpired he'd bought it from a colleague who had a load of them to sell for a fiver Hmm

LetsJunglyJumpToIt · 08/09/2016 11:13

That's shit and I hope you've spoken to him about it, rather than just seethe quietly which doesn't achieve anything.

acasualobserver · 08/09/2016 11:14

A friend of mine on receiving a petrol station chocolate and flowers combo for her birthday, without saying a single word, put both in the washing machine and switched it on. She is not married to that man any longer.

Laiste · 08/09/2016 11:14

That's shit OP.

My contribution is an XH one.

While we were still married TWO years running for xmas he bought me a broach. I don't wear broaches. I don't like broaches! He'd known me for 15 years at the time and knew this. They were identical as well!ConfusedHmm

Original poster
liz70 · 08/09/2016 11:14

"I hope you are going to eat the when box yourself?"

It wasn't even a box! Just a sodding wee bag, with about six chocs inside! I gave them to the DDs.

Keep the tales of crap presents coming, please. It might make me feel slightly better.

OP posts:
BeMorePanda · 08/09/2016 11:17

on receiving a petrol station chocolate and flowers combo for her birthday, without saying a single word, put both in the washing machine and switched it on.
Fantastic!!

Coffeethrowtrampbitch · 08/09/2016 11:18

Feel your pain op, it's my birthday today.

Dh has got me a Game of Thrones card which says Happy Birthday you Bastard. Thornton's chocolates which I don't like and shouldn't eat as I'm on medication which makes me gain weight, and a laptop.

The laptop may sound generous, but he gave my old laptop to the kids without permission, and they broke it. I'm likely to start freelancing soon and need a laptop, so he bought me a replacement for my birthday so I can work, yay!

It is utterly fucking pissing down with rain, and I wish I was still a year younger.

Vintagegirl1 · 08/09/2016 11:18

You can buy those bags in the pounds hop op so that truly is crap.

applesvpears · 08/09/2016 11:19

I would be so annoyed at this. What did you get him for his birthday?
My OH is great at presents and very generous, but for me it is not the cost, just that he has spend time and thought to get something for me.

Oh and I don't mind garage flowers ! Any flowers are lovely in my opinion ! (Not with nothing else for birthday though)

3luckystars · 08/09/2016 11:19

I had an injury and was in bed for about 6 weeks before my birthday one year. Dh bought me pyjamas, big ones with elephants on them. I had been wearing nothing but pyjamas for weeks! It was christmas and I only get one other present (because we do a secret santa in our family) and the other person gave me pyjamas too.

mathsmum314 · 08/09/2016 11:19

After being with partner for a while we stopped doing the whole birthday present thing, its just more stress than its worth. Wasting money on a gift once a year, on something probably not wanted, just to prove how much you 'appreciate' someone wasn't for us. I value my relationship based on how I am treated every day and I much prefer buying myself presents, that way I actually get something I want.

DillyDingDillyDong · 08/09/2016 11:20

I have a few of these!

DH one year didn't buy me anything, not even a card. I spent all day thinking that there was something coming. We had arranged a get together that night in our flat and all my friends and his friends were there. One of his friends asked him what he'd got me and I thought that this was the part where he pulled something amazing out the bag but he just said "Ah, well, nothing." Everyone was so shocked and even his friends were saying how bad it was and there was no excuse. He went out the next day and bought me something and the on 15th of each month for the next year bought me a present to make up for it. He genuinely didn't see a problem with it. That was years ago, I agreed to marry him a couple of years later so he's not that bad really!

An ex once got me a holyoaks calendar. But the girl version. He told me that it was a present we could both enjoy. I could aspire to look like the girls in it which would make us both happy.

Another ex proposed to me on my birthday. We had been together for just under a year and I was still in my teens. When I said no he said "Thought you'd say no. It was just I couldn't think of what else to get you for your birthday so thought, girls like to get engaged right?"

pinkpepperpod · 08/09/2016 11:20

Minky and Boogers, my mum bought me that DVD for Christmas a few years ago and it is also still in the cellophane. I'd imagine there are loads on Amazon for 1p each plus delivery.

Liz I think you need to buy yourself something. Treat yourself to something you normally wouldn't. I'm sorry you've had such a shit birthday. Make a big deal about how bad you feel so he has no excuse next year.

Original poster
liz70 · 08/09/2016 11:21

I'd be worried about wrecking the washing machine. Perhaps trample them into his best shirts then throw the whole lot onto the mud bath that is the front garden atm.

OP posts:
3luckystars · 08/09/2016 11:21

I know I love the bed so I can't really blame them, maybe I should get a hobby :)

Notmydolly · 08/09/2016 11:21

My exh got me left handed scissors and a thing to cut foil with! Coz ......you know I'm left handed!!

This might out me but he also when Christmas shopping with his brother one year and me and ex sil got the same presents....every single one!!!!!!! We are both divorced from them! No surprise there.

My new DH is great at gifts.

Tootsiepops · 08/09/2016 11:25

I bought my husband a Mont Blanc pen for his birthday. He didn't get me anything. Made some vague noises about going handbag shopping despite my not having used a handbag since our daughter was born nearly 10 months ago.

3luckystars · 08/09/2016 11:25

My friend got a part for a shower from her husband once.

Once.