... to start my own sh*t birthday present from DH thread?

[liz70]

...Seeing as there seem to be a few knocking around at the moment?

My birthday was on Tuesday. I spent most of it running around after other people - taking DD2 to an appointment, looking after DD3 in the evening while DH had a meet up (optional) after work. So by the time he comes in at 9pm I've been run ragged, getting DD3 fed, bathed, to bed, hanging washing, getting things ready for the next morning, preparing a meal for us etc.

So DH puts my birthday present on the table. A small bag of Thornton's chocolates. Unwrapped.

Now... I don't think I'm particularly materialistic. I try to keep costs down with shopping - groceries are pretty much all supermarket and value brand. I buy most of my and DD3's clothes from George, F & F and suchlike. I don't demand designer hand bags or diamond jewellery.

We're not super wealthy, but neither are we skint - no mortgage, and a comfortable amount of savings.

It seemed to have fuck all thought put into it, and he couldn't even be arsed to wrap it. I did ask if he'd also brought a bunch of flowers from a petrol station, to complete the whole "will this do?" vibe, but no.

I just feel so fucking undervalued and unappreciated right now.

I think I'll just tell him that from now on, don't fucking bother getting me anything for birthdays. I'd rather buy something myself.

GIRAFFES!!!!!

I will let you know tomorrow, as that's my birthday and I have DH has forgotten...

My birthday is a couple of days after an "event". Last year, I got a trolley dash worth of reduced items they were selling off. Really random stuff. It's just the lack of planning that gets to me really. I'm not at all materialistic. One thoughtful non expensive thing would have been fine. It's probably symptomatic of a wider problem. Maybe he feels the same way. Well, that's depressed me.

and for all those with shitty birthday presents.

My DH is generally great, but I did once get given a sex toy by accident by a friend when I was 16. He was a particularly young and naive boy and actually thought it was a stylish ornament (it was a more, ahem, stylised) and was absolutely mortified when I opened it in the classroom and all my friends fell about laughing.

An ex bought me brown leggings and a cream jumper one year, I'm most definitely not a leggings and jumper kinda gal! He also bought me a tub of Olay night cream. I just had to wonder what goes through their heads sometime.

ExH once completely forgot my birthday. I didn't mention it at all, all day. I just quietly seethed. That night I told him we were visiting my parents, he grumbled all the way there as to why we had to drag all the way over to my parents mid week. When we parked on their drive I told him " mum wants to give me my birthday present!" His face fell as the realisation hit him. To 'make up' for forgetting he bought me a foot spa, facial steamer and massager! crappiest, most unimaginative gift ever

My new husband is brilliant, never forgets, always puts a lot of thought and effort into my gifts and even got me a pair of Louboutains 2 years ago via a weekend trip to London.

.

ZOMBIE THREAD

My OH proposed a week before my birthday, the ring was a insurance replacement his mum had knocking around and my birthday present was him paying to have it resized to fit me

For once I'm happy to see a zombie revived. This should be in classics.

They. Are. Giraffes.

I got the 'Readers Digest DIY Manual' for Christmas once. (I don't do DIY.)

Jump leads for the car !!!!!!! I kid you not !!!

After years of being upset and no presents, I buy my own. I go shopping from a couple of weeks before my birthday and pile bags up next to his bed and keep adding to them. I end up buying far more than DH would spend. Lol, serves him right for being stingy and on my birthday I am very happy!

My ex didn't wish me happy birthday even though we'd been messaging all day. When I saw him at the weekend I mentioned that it was my birthday earlier in the week so he popped out and brought me a card and a chocolate eclair. I don't even really like them. He was fucking useless and self centered.

To be fair to him, we'd only been dating for a couple of months.

I split up with my ex in Feb this year after 21 years. My choice because I'd come to the end of my tether living with his moods and general negativity. For his birthday in march from the kids I bought him a Playstation game (hes 46 FFS) and a few other bits. For my birthday in August he came round to "offer " me €40, then complained how skint he was so I ended up giving him it back.

Twat. He's have been netter sticking to nothing or just a card. Another reason why I could be happy I left him.

This thread is so sad. I actually feel the rage reading it. Do those who have had these shitty gifts or no gift at all tell your OH how horrible it is? I hope so.
Op did you tell your dh to get you something else?
My dh is usually pretty good. He tends to just get me what I’ve asked for or big items that I wouldn’t normally treat myself to. While he leaves it to the last week coming up to my bday, which I consider last minute, I always have something nice. Birthday’s are important to me after a childhood of crappy ones. I think that was obvious to him right from the start and he knew it was a big deal to me. He tries to behave like his birthday isn’t a big deal to him and ‘he doesn’t want anything’, but one year I was unwell and he didn’t get the usual big fuss (still got a nice gift). He admitted his birthday had been less exciting that year.

I have recieved a hoover, slow cooker, griddle pan, toastie maker, panini maker, a kettle, a toaster and some picture frames.... not all on the same birthday and to be fair I did ask for a new hoover last christmas, but all the others i had seen in shops throughout the year and gone 'ooh that looks good' DH has mentally stored it as birthday/christmas presents! The kettle was a birthday present as the old one broke the day before my birthday! (the toaster was to match) the toastie & panini makers and slow cooker have only ever been used by DH and the griddle pan (whatever the F that is!) has never even left the cupboard!

On my 40th H got me two large helium balloons: a 4 and a 0.
Like he gets the kids each b'day. He put them in the window of the house despite me saying I wanted to keep it low key. He told me that they 'cost twice what the kids ones cost - ie 2 numbers needed').
My Mum gave me a charity shop top with the £2.50 price on. In a size 26 (I was an 18). Ho hum.
It IS the thought that counts, not the gift but such gifts show how little thought has been applied. Fine if the giver is happy to receive similar, but, funnily enough, often they are not

@IceBeing stop looking for things you think they’ll ‘use’ or ‘need’ and look for things that they wouldn’t buy themselves precisely because they don’t NEED it ... so it’s a luxury. Look at what magazines or books they read and if it shows a thread of interest .. what drinks they like, what colours ... go from there.

I second that I love interesting lovely kitchenware that’s a bit more £ that I’d spend.
Or a non-fiction book on a topic that sounds interesting or leather boots or Korean skincare or a tropical plant. The hints are all over our house ....

a tube of "Happy" shower gel from e bay unwrapped and left on top of the fridge

Cheap bag of chocolates, yes that's poor.

Make sure you leave children with him, use his credit card and treat yourself to a spa treatment or something nice. You can even ask him how much he'd like to spend on you!

I got a drill-bit set for a big birthday once.

But usually nothing, not for any occasion, no Mothering Sunday gifts, no birthday gift, no anniversary gift or card, rarely Christmas gifts.

It was a bit miserable. I was with him for 25 years.

Strangely it was Mothering Sunday that hurt the most. I always made a big fuss of his mum and my mum. I'd waited 7 years to become a mum, and it was important to me.

Even when I asked him to help the (little) children to buy something. He'd just say it was commercial propaganda and he wouldn't partake.

Possibly outing but exmil got me a bounce bounce tigger game for my Xmas when I was 22 because I liked tigger! Yes but not a child's game.

My dh once gave me a cheque which I couldn't even cash for about 3 months. I was not a happy bunny at the time god knows why I married him.

I got a GPS tracker in my car for my birthday and an ex partner how lucky was I!!

Yell, and yell loudly and yell long.
In the early days of our marriage, I was presented with a sandwich press that he wanted. The year before had been a CD he wanted( wasn't a complete loss as I loved the band too), I just made sure he was never able to borrow it for the car.....which was want he wanted
The sandwich press unleashed a degree of rage, and I made him swear that unless specifically asked appliances would never darken the door of Christmas or birthdays.
He's still useless but I now give him a catalogue from Sephora with stuff circled, the bookshops latest release flyer- again with stuff circled or the like, or the contact number for the local day spa and a list of treatments circled.
If he fails( there was an incident with a plant), he now knows he gets presented with at least a week of vegetarian/vegan cookery meals - ( he loathes this).
I'd suggest a week of cooking food he really fucking hates.
Karmas a bitch.

Reading this I’m glad I’m single. This year my birthday present to me was a holiday that cost so much I daren’t think about it. It was fab.

When we first got together dh was absolutely dreadful.

First Xmas present from him was a chocolate orange
Other presents = nothing and a card which his mother had obviously chosen.

I was initially too polite to say anything but after the year "card chosen by Mil" incident, we had a chat. I told him that his lack of effort was pissing me off, a lot.

He apologised profusely, said he hadn't a clue I was so bothered and since then he's discovered he loves choosing and buying presents. He'd never done it before as his family rarely did them. .

We've been married 28 years now and he's been very thoughtful and generous over the years. So they can change!