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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby nephew announced on Facebook

164 replies

Peach16 · 07/07/2016 10:40

Hi all, we have just found out my sister and BIL have had their baby, they told both sets of parents but not siblings, baby had only been born an hour and one of BILs colleagues has posted a message congratulating them, we've seen the Facebook post before we got the message from my mum telling us the baby had been born, AIBU for being upset? I haven't told my sister I've seen the post as don't want to spoil their special moment but I'm still hurt that this has happened, I know it's the colleagues fault for announcing but am annoyed with BIL for telling a colleague before making sure all family know! WWYD? X

OP posts:
SaveSomeSpendSome · 07/07/2016 10:43

Yanbu.

Facebook is terrible for this.

Once someone tells you they have had a baby you congratulate them there and then when speaking to them. Why do you then have to congratulate then again on facebook?

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 07/07/2016 10:43

I imagine they are quite busy now with their newborn, so let the parents know and a post on Facebook takes care of everyone else in one hit. I don't see the problem.

Having had 2 babies, letting all my siblings know wasn't really my priority at the time. Facebook is great for this IMO.

WWID? Nothing, I really wouldn't say anything; it really isn't about ypu

NeedACleverNN · 07/07/2016 10:43

I can see why you might be a bit upset but at the end of the day, they have just gone through labour and wanted the easiest thing to announce the birth.

Facebook is easier than calling everyone and making conversation when you just want to sleep or relax

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 07/07/2016 10:43

I would go for newborn snuggles with my nephew and forget all about it. It's really no big deal at all.

RandyMagnum · 07/07/2016 10:45

Really don't get the obsession of wanting to be told before someone else, sitting in a pecking order and getting bent out of shape if someone less worthy than yourself hears the news before you.

RadicalPessimist · 07/07/2016 10:45

YABU.

It's their baby, they can tell whoever they like. You have a new niece of nephew! That's lovely and what you need to focus on. Who was first to know really doesn't matter at all in the scheme of things.

Original poster
Peach16 · 07/07/2016 10:47

If the parents had posted it I would be fine and agree with you they are busy, but they didn't someone else did, who wasn't even a relative who'd been asked to do it on their behalf just a work colleague, who BIL did have time to tell but not us, me and my sister as quite close so I am disappointed! Sad

OP posts:
Changingagain · 07/07/2016 10:48

When DS was born, DH text his mum first and before he'd managed to type a message to my mum, Mil had announced it for us on Facebook Hmm

WhoTheFuckIsSimon · 07/07/2016 10:48

I think with a newborn they have more important things to think about than ringing all the family. They probably thought your mum would tell you sooner than she did.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 07/07/2016 10:49

I imagine he called work to say he wouldn't be in?!Hmm

MrsJayy · 07/07/2016 10:49

Yanbu I hate fb for this sort of thing it's not anybody else's news to share this happened to my friend recently she became a gran but there is personal issues she had to keep deleting posts

Yokohamajojo · 07/07/2016 10:51

What you need to realise is that your brother in law may be closer to his colleagues than to his sister in law

WhoTheFuckIsSimon · 07/07/2016 10:52

So did BIL ring the work colleague up to tell him or had the work colleague rung him? I work as a midwife and the amount of phone calls the bloke gets during labour from work colleagues who haven't realised that he's not at work that day can be quite a lot. Nobody seems capable of turning their phone off these days.....but I guess maybe they want it on so family cam contact for updates?

But ive seen blokes get a phone call asking them about some work project and he's answering the questions and then says "going to have to go we can see the head now". So I can see a situation where a colleague rings and gets told "can't talk we've just had a baby" and then thoughtless colleague puts it on fb.

Lindt70Percent · 07/07/2016 10:52

I'd be upset too but there's nothing you can do, it's done now and it's not the right time to tell your sister or BIL that it's bothered you.

NapQueen · 07/07/2016 10:52

Yep probably rang work to say he couldn't be in and someone's heard and done the massively inappropriate thing of posting on fb.

I blocked mine and dh's fb pages a week before our due date so no one could tag us or write on our walls for this reason.

It's a shame but I really don't think it's Bils fault.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 07/07/2016 10:52

You're not being unreasonable OP, it comes to something when close family aren't informed before Facebookers get their moment of attention. But that's the way it is. It taints the moment for the family and new parents should think about protocol, but some don't. Post a facebook response to the parents and leave it at that. Sauce for the goose... Wink

KittensandKnitting · 07/07/2016 10:54

Think you are BU about the colleague knowing before you, I expect your BIL had to tell this work colleague or it got filtered down to this work colleague because he wouldn't be showing up for work given that he was in the hospital with your sister, so I wouldn't take that aspect personally at all.

I do think it's wrong of the colleague to post anything on FB, I hate the bloody thing and deleted it but I'd be highly pissed off if someone spread my news.

Think being annoyed at your BIL isn't right at all

Original poster
Peach16 · 07/07/2016 10:56

Work knew he wouldn't be in already as she went into labour late Tuesday and he had to leave work.
I just don't think posting something so big on Facebook is for anyone else but the parents to announce. I'm not even bothered that they didn't tell us immediately and was expecting that they'd be too busy straight away to ring round us all, I just didn't want to find out whilst scrolling through FB. Oh well, it's done now, I'm excited I'm now an aunt for the first time and we are going to meet him tomorrow! Grin

OP posts:
eddielizzard · 07/07/2016 10:56

let it go let it gooooo

honestly everyone is overwhelmed and yes, i see why you're hurt but don't let it mar a wonderful time.

user1467101855 · 07/07/2016 10:57

Yabu, who cares how you found out? Is it a healthy baby and a safe delivery? If yes, then stop whining about ephemera like bloody facebook!

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 07/07/2016 10:58

It taints the moment for the family and new parents should think about protocol, but some don't

Protocol?! 😂

How absurd! 0arents can choose to tell-or not- whoever they like about their baby, in whatever way they like, whenever they feel like it!

It wouldn't even cross my mind to think what order my siblings let people know, and I find it baffling that people actually get upset by this stuff?!

MrsJayy · 07/07/2016 11:00

You are right Facebook has a weird effect on people EVERYTHING has to go on it enjoy baby cuddles

Lelloteddy · 07/07/2016 11:00

Why didn't your own parents let you know?
Congratulations on your new nephew 😊

diddl · 07/07/2016 11:01

Surely it's your mum's fault for not telling you sooner?Grin

I an see why you're annoyed but it's not about you & the FB poster probably thought that if work colleagues knew then all family/friends already did.

doodlejump1980 · 07/07/2016 11:01

If it's the colleague that's announced it a reply along the lines of
"this isn't your news to tell, please remove your post so the rest of the family can be told first. thanks! :)" would do!