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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby nephew announced on Facebook

164 replies

Peach16 · 07/07/2016 10:40

Hi all, we have just found out my sister and BIL have had their baby, they told both sets of parents but not siblings, baby had only been born an hour and one of BILs colleagues has posted a message congratulating them, we've seen the Facebook post before we got the message from my mum telling us the baby had been born, AIBU for being upset? I haven't told my sister I've seen the post as don't want to spoil their special moment but I'm still hurt that this has happened, I know it's the colleagues fault for announcing but am annoyed with BIL for telling a colleague before making sure all family know! WWYD? X

OP posts:
littlemissneela · 07/07/2016 13:19

YANBU - I always wait for the person who the news relates to (parents, parents to be, spouse etc) to post about their news, good or bad, before saying anything. My brother and his wife are expecting a baby this year, and everyone (apart from her greatgrandma) waited until they chose to announce their news.
I think the work collegue was a bit premature with making the announcement so soon, but it seems your sister has the same views as you, so I am sure she will have words. When she is feeling up to it.
Anyhoo, many congrats on your first nephew. Enjoy the baby cuddles Smile

Bogeyface · 07/07/2016 13:21

Some people are pathetically desperate to be first on FB.

My cousins had a MAJOR falling out when their sister had her first child. Both Aunties wanted to be the first to announce it on FB and when the eldest of the 2 managed to get in first the younger one kicked off. On FB. "In front" of the whole family and all their friends. There was talk of seniority of Aunty-ship due to age....it was fucking ridiculous. All of this time their BIL was fuming that his family found out via FB because they posted before he had even had chance to ring his mother (her mother was in the labour room and texted my cousins practically as the baby crowned Hmm ) Oh and both cousins where in their 40's .....

I wouldnt be surprised to hear that your sister is mad when she finds out what the stupid colleague has done.

divafever99 · 07/07/2016 13:28

My step mil did this, she tagged me in it so all my friends found out that way. It really annoyed me, it wasn't her news to share, and inappropriate imo as at the same time my baby was in special care and I was in theatre following a massive bleed.

Donatellalymanmoss · 07/07/2016 13:34

Are people missing that it was the OP's BIL's colleague that put this on facebook? Do people honestly think that the new parent's chose that as they way they wanted to spread the news to their family about their new baby?

YANBU OP, the only time to congratulate someone on facebook for having a new baby is in response to news they've posted themselves. Have fun meeting your new nephew.

EveOnline2016 · 07/07/2016 13:37

I'm so glad Facebook wasn't a thing 10 years ago when I had my 1st.

If it's not your news to tell then do tell it unless you are told you can.

I saw my niece with in 5 minutes of her being born and had quite a few pictures. I sent it to my sister inbox so she could announce it to her friends.

EveOnline2016 · 07/07/2016 13:38

Tbh I wouldn't care if the new grandparents or close family put it on and that's how I found out but a work friend I would be miffed.

Original poster
Peach16 · 07/07/2016 13:45

Thank you for your responses, It's not the order of being told that bothered me at all, I don't even mind too much about finding out after a colleague as can see how this happened due to them telling parents who passed along the news to siblings etc and it was only an hour later we were told as there were a fair few people to inform again not a problem I was annoyed with the colleague, sooo not his place! But my brother knows him and has since said he has no filter so it won't have crossed his mind it might not be his place! I wouldn't even have minded finding out on Facebook if it was my sister or BIL or someone who was appointed by them as a spokesperson but that wasn't the case on this occasion and my sister will be disappointed when she finds out! So I suppose I'm annoyed on her behalf too, but what's done is done and we've got a super cute little boy to spoil now!! Grin

OP posts:
Fash0uttaWater · 07/07/2016 13:49

"When DS was born, DH text his mum first and before he'd managed to type a message to my mum, Mil had announced it for us on Facebook Hmm"

Ha! That was exactly what SIL did when my DD was born. Announced it for us on FB and kindly tagged us in the post. It isn't just us she's done that to, either. She also did it to my DH's cousin that year when DH's cousin's DD was born.

I'm surprised people think taking over birth announcements is okay to do. It's kind of like announcing someone else's engagement on FB. Like, what?

ChorusLine69 · 07/07/2016 13:51

Well I wouldn't do anything/ say anything now but I just want to say I completely understand why you're upset - I would be upset if my brothers baby news had been announced on FB before family had been told.

swelchphr · 07/07/2016 15:09

The colleague probably knew because he had to tell work why he wasn't there and they passed on the news. It was nice, but bad form of him to post it online if nothing else had been posted yet (he could have sent a private message if he really wanted to send something). Although the new parents are probably overwhelmed and gasp wanting to focus on their brand new baby, I'm surprised your parents didn't spread the news at least to immediate family. But, it's over and the birth wasn't about you. No sense on spending time feeling upset. Be excited, you have a nephew!

badg3r · 07/07/2016 15:16

I feel sorry for your sister. Her first child is announced to all her common friends with her DH by some random work colleague with "no filter". However mad you were, she will be that x100!
Congrats on becoming an auntie :)

YourNewspaperIsShit · 07/07/2016 15:43

My auntie kicked off because my DP posted on FB before she found out. I didn't tell anyone except grandparents and siblings, there's no way straight after birth we were going to sit there and phone every family member, it's not a small family.

I still haven't forgiven her for being so self-entitled (not saying this is the case with you btw just she was a snotty cow about it lol)

YourNewspaperIsShit · 07/07/2016 15:45

Oh and YANBU it should never have been posted. The week before I gave birth I pinned a status telling everyone not to congratulate me until DP had made a post

Tallulahoola · 07/07/2016 15:45

YANBU for being annoyed with the colleague posting it on Facebook, but don't stress about the colleague finding out before you. I told an ex-colleague about DS being born before telling even my mum, because I was supposed to be seeing her that day and she texted me (DS arrived early). And almost the first people to find out about DD were the builders because they rang DH to ask if they could come round and finish doing up the bathroom. We were still in the recovery room at the time and he hadn't thought to switch off his phone Grin

Elledouble · 07/07/2016 16:38

Blimey, do people really expect to be phoned separately?! My partner and I each phoned our parents and siblings and they let everyone else know the news.

Still wouldn't expect someone to announce the news before the parents do, whatever way they choose to do it, that's not nice.

CormoranStrike · 07/07/2016 17:48

My apologies, I most read your OP and thought your meanness it on Facebook from your excited mum, not via a colleague.

So while I can now understand a little more, I still think it is not the end of the world

Musereader · 07/07/2016 17:50

Honestly I can see this happening when I give birth as DP is so excited and would call all of his friends including work collegues and would not think/be able to tell my sister, and i would be in the middle of childbirth and telling my sister would be quite far down my list.

Laniakea · 07/07/2016 17:58

yabu

seriously. I don't understand people who get wound up by shit like this.

happy mother + healthy baby .... really, what else matters?

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 07/07/2016 18:00

It seems we are in the minority Laniakea, I totally agree with you.

JustHappy3 · 07/07/2016 18:05

So you did bring the subject up with your BIL then - even tho you weren't going to? Good to see you prioritised on them.

Donatellalymanmoss · 07/07/2016 18:07

laniakea so there is literally nothing anyone can do to annoy you, how awesome I'd like a couple of lessons in not giving a shit about mundane things.

Donatellalymanmoss · 07/07/2016 18:08

JustHappy3 she said her Brother knows the work colleague and says he has no filter, not that she'd asked her BIL.

PortiaFinis · 07/07/2016 18:12

I get what you mean, my brother in law posted my DD's birth in Facebook - complete with a photo we had sent, within an hour of us telling our parents and siblings.

I don't know why it pissed me off exactly except it seemed a bit presumptuous. I wouldn't post anything on FB congratulating anyone until I saw they had put something up themselves but I might just be being precious.

fiverabbits · 07/07/2016 18:15

My Dh has a great nephew who was 10 years old when he found out about him. Shame his aunts and uncles who are on face book didn't mention him once and not one of them could use the phone to tell him so he didn't meet at the funeral of DH's brother. He was ill with cancer for 18 months and no told my DH. That's family for you.

WhooooAmI24601 · 07/07/2016 18:16

My MIL was mardy because DH phoned my Mum before he phoned her to tell her. No lie, she refused to look at me for a few days post-birth. Lunatic.

Facebook is awful for baby updates; there should be a law that nobody posts congratulations until the parents have announced it. When I'm King I will implement that one.