Things DH does that make me want to scream.

[Reality]

LIGHT FUCKING HEARTED

When he hangs the washing on the rotary, he double spaces it 'so it will dry quicker'. It doesn't dry any quicker, it just means you can put less out.

He always uses the smallest possible pan 'to conserve energy' which invariably means the pasta or whatever boils over.

His floordrobe of worn once clothes. Why, for the love of god, why?

When he goes to the shop, he takes the 'exact' change that he guesstimates he'll need. Obviously this means he often comes back with missing items due to not taking enough cash.

He randomly drops to the floor and starts doing press ups or sit ups or planks or whatever his latest exercise thing is.

I love him to ends of the earth and back but bloody hell sometimes he baffles me.

AIBU?

Leaving the front door open, leaving the shed door open, leaving the garage door open, leaving cupboard doors open. He's very consistent.

I"M ON BOARD WITH THE FUCKING LIGHT HEARTED-NESS!!

Right.

DH takes a bastard HOUR to leave the house. He then repeatedly returns for his hat, his wallet, his paperwork his fucking soul.

He also leaves his clothes on the floor and when I say "Put it in the laundry basket" he says

BUT IT'S CLEAN! I"VE WORN IT ONCE!

His floordrobe as described.
Leaving wet towels on my side of the bed. I have told him I'm going to put my wet towels in his side of the bed next time just to try make him stop

Snoring.

YY to double spacing washing.

Not buttering to the edges of bread/toast. Although he has got better at this due to years of me stalking back into the kitchen muttering "Edges, edges".

Hairdryering his pants. Don't ask.

His inability to look for things. He will constantly call for me as he cant find the right saucepan/spatula/toothbrush whereupon I go to his aid and within a microsecond of walking into the room have spotted the missing item. He once went to my dressing table to find some savlon and a minute later he was yelling down the stairs asking where it was. My dressing table has THREE small drawers HOW HARD IS IT??? It was literally lying on top in the drawer directly in front of him, since then I ignore him if he calls for me from another room and refuse to help him look for anything...

breathing

Yup, we have a floordrobe. It's located on his side of the bed.

We informally take it in turns to cook dinner and the other one washes up/stacks dishwasher/wipes surfaces etc after. He managed to put plates & cutlery in dishwasher but nearly always fails to do anything else. I end up doing it before bed or next morning.

He doesn't clean the highchair/DS's things away after he has eaten if he is doing teatime with DS. I always have to clean it in that split second before I put DS in the high chair the next morning - cue screaming from DS as he thinks he's just about to get fed, then I stop as if I put him in, he'd end up with pasta/rice/potato all over his bottom if I put him in there!

I've helpfully pointed these things out but DP just laughs and says 'no I don't!'

Love him to the world and back though.

He washes up all wrong. Every single item gets rinsed to the point of practically being clean except exposed to no washing up liquid. This takes ages so it then gets stacked on the side, not quite clean, to be dealt with at a later point. Why!? Just bloody wash it!

YY to being unable to look for things properly but ALSO while he is looking he does it in the most frantic haphazard way, shoving around violently in drawers, leaving them half open or with things sticking out.

Also cleans the kitchen but never QUITE finishes the job, there's always some chopping boards left out on the side and crumbs left in all the nooks.

We are renovating our house at the moment.
EVERY.FUCKIN.ROOM has a half completed job and is filled with dust and stoor. Finish a job ffs FINISH.A.JOB!!!!!! I'm going nuts. Nothing gets covered no warning is given I return from work to find utter chaos and deathly holes/bear pits in floor just inviting the baby to fall in and die.
FIIIINISH A FUUUKIN JOOB!!!!!!

Breathing. But I have pmt at the moment so I hate everyone and everything.

Normally his most annoying habit is being so fucking reasonable about everything. Sometimes I want to moan about things I hate without being presented with a perfectly rational explanation as to why things are that way or how I could fix it.

My OH can't find anything unless it's right in front of his nose!
He'll ask: 'Where's X?'
'In the left draw'
'Where abouts?'

Are you fucking serious, it's a draw, open your eyes and look! Same for the fridge, wardrobe, cupboards! Arghhhhhh

His floordrobe...

His inability to organise himself with regards to home stuff....e.g. deciding at 10pm that he needs a specific shirt washing (and drying) for the next day, when he has been home for 3 hours already and not bothered to sort it out despite knowing that he needs it sorting...

Snoring, falling asleep every time he sits down for more than 5 minutes because he refuses to go to bed at a sensible time so is always tired, not putting rubbish in the recycling despite having to walk past the bag it goes in to get back to the living room, he leaves it on the work top for the recycling fairy (me) to move instead and everytime I'm reminded of the coffee mug/fuck you analogy so it gives me the rage

Arfarfanarf yup, I hear ya!

Grrr!

Eating a biscuit after he's swallowed it. He carries on chomping and chewing for like five minutes. Drives me fucking insane. Also stupid questions - cat weed on the carpet at weekend, me "quick get kitchen roll" as I'm mopping with tissue. Him stands there asking what is in cat wee that makes it smell! I squawked at him that I'm not a fucking vet and don't know the chemical compounds of cat wee and to just get the bloody kitchen roll! Aargh!!!

arfarfan hahahaha

Mine gets distracted. For example, we are doing some sort of DIY and he realises he needs equipment from the garage. So I get left propping up a wardrobe or other awkward item while he disappears.

As my arms start to drop off I yell for one of the DC to help me move the item safely and then I go looking for him.

He will have gone to the garage, noticed a creeper growing in under the eaves so he will have cleared that away. Then gone outside to the garden to see if any more needs trimming. Cleared it away. Then spotted something else to put in the garden waste bin. Then decided to organise a pile of stuff to take to the tip.

He might then decide to let the dogs out in the garden and play with them. And so it goes on....

Floordrobe

Leaving cupboard doors open

Asking me where is his watch / shoes / wallet / other random stuff that is nothing to do with me

Having to have a racket on at all times (tv, radio, music) at home at ear splitting volume meaning that I have to scream at him so he can hear me

Loads more but that will do for now!

Yes Arf! The 'How am I supposed to know where it is?' line, this in itself makes me want to scream as he never understand how I am able to know where things are, ie. By looking instead of standing in a vague area and shouting for help.

Also toothpicks, he leaves toothpicks everywhere. If I throw one away before its sufficiently mangled he gets quite distressed. If it's left on the side, it will go on the bin. Then I just lie and say he must have put it somewhere knowing he will give up looking because he knows he can't find anything....