Things DH does that make me want to scream.

[Reality]

LIGHT FUCKING HEARTED

When he hangs the washing on the rotary, he double spaces it 'so it will dry quicker'. It doesn't dry any quicker, it just means you can put less out.

He always uses the smallest possible pan 'to conserve energy' which invariably means the pasta or whatever boils over.

His floordrobe of worn once clothes. Why, for the love of god, why?

When he goes to the shop, he takes the 'exact' change that he guesstimates he'll need. Obviously this means he often comes back with missing items due to not taking enough cash.

He randomly drops to the floor and starts doing press ups or sit ups or planks or whatever his latest exercise thing is.

I love him to ends of the earth and back but bloody hell sometimes he baffles me.

AIBU?

DH is away for work. I'm going to tackle the floordrobe tonight by shoving each and every bit of it into his drawers and wardrobes. Not nicely either. I'd like some sort of avalanche effect when he comes home.

There are times when I think "I hate you just a little bit right now"! It tends to be when I've gone to bed or for a nap and he walks in the room and says "Oh I see someone's gone to bed early!" Yes, and now I'm awake and looking on rightmove for a new home for you. I've tried explaining to him 1) what sleeping looks like so that he might more easily recognise it and 2) teaching appropriate behaviour when he comes across a sleeping person. Neither of these has worked so I now have to leave notes. That's worked the best so far.

I get out of bed between 6am to 6.20am depending on how tired I am, DP has this knack of knowing when I am about to get out and goes to the bathroom just before me to have a dump. It's lovely to have a shower in a room smelling of shit.

Last week the dog woke us up at 5am barking, DP got up to let him out just as DD woke up and vomited everywhere, DP came back upstairs to help me, stripped the bedding and DD s pajamas went to clean her up to find DP had shut himself in the bathroom for a crap, couldn't he have just waited 5 minutes for me to clean up our vomit soaked daughter?

Sits quietly in the living room while I cook then when the roast dinner is actually laid out in the dining room, piping hot and delicious, he starts faffing around choosing what music we will have as background, where are the cordless speakers, which one of the million identical (to me) bottles of red wine should we have with it etc etc. While my perfect dinner congeals.

Also, he finally discovered where the laundry basket is. After 25 years of leaving his stuff on the floor. You'd think I'd be pleased. But he has devised a game which means his black socks and underpants get tightly rolled up in his white shirt and lobbed into the basket from a distance. So when I sort out the washing I have to unroll every shirt

Another he shouts "darling" from another room and expects me to find out what he wants. Or I will start drying my hair and he starts talking and I cant hear a thing. If you want something come here and talk.

There are many, many things that irritate me but I think the ultimate annoyance has to be the the pirate noise he makes when he takes a sip of a drink "Arrrrghhhh"

Now the kids do it too.

Fucking drives me nuts!!!

Leaving his contact lens wrappers on the bathroom sink for me to clean up later. We have a bin in the bathroom. It's right next to the sink!!!

Managing to use every utensil in the kitchen when he's cooking. I've witnessed him use 4 wooden spoons for one chilli!!!

Using a clean glass every time he wants a drink of water and then leaving them all over the house for me to find later.

He loses everything and then it's my job to find it all. Today's doozy, he's left his wallet at home somewhere. It's a great game.... One of my absolute favourites!!

Not actually scream, but I do regard with exasperated amusement the pile of clean clothes (washed and folded by me) sitting on top of his empty chest of drawers, next to his empty wardrobe...

Mattscap am totally with you on the leaving doors/drawers open. Am convinced he won't stop until I've bashed my head or broken a limb. It just baffles me how he is incapable of closing something he has opened; surely it's a natural reaction to an action he has just undertaken? Or AIBU?

He tells me in detail how he has fixed someone's broadband at work(he's a phone engineer) this can take ages whilst I nod & try to look interested.
He also talks over stuff I'm watching on tv,usually at a crucial moment & I miss it. I toy with the idea of shouting 'SHUT THE FUCK UP,CAN'T YOU SEE I'M WATCHING THIS' but never do.
He has absolutely no idea on how to deal with snappy,argumentative teenage girls.
We are working on this
But I love him to the moon & back & couldn't be without him.

Nothing because he is damn near perfect.

Drinking half a cold drink, because after 10 minutes there's a chance it's gone up to slightly under room temp and is therefore unpalatable.

Leaving the can or bottle half empty next to the sink, rather than pouring away the contents. So, when I'm sorting out the recycling I pick up a can and liberally spray the kitchen with warm flat sticky drinks.

We have "garden shoes" by the back door, clog things that are easy to slip in to. They have a home tidied away in a cupboard right by the back door, literally all you have to do is head to the back door, open the cupboard door that is right there, stick your feet in the shoes and out you go. So it stands to reason that they'd be easy to put away on return. Doesn't it? No, they get left in the middle of the kitchen floor. Yesterday I kicked them in anger into the toilet and he couldn't find the shoes so asked me where they were.

Me: They get kept in the cupboard don't they?
Him: Yes but they're not there.
Me: Oh. Guess someone didn't put them away properly then.

My husband get up to exercise at 5.30.... but insists on setting his alarm and snoozing twice.... so I have to wake up!!

He wakes me up when the baby makes a weird noise so I can check she's OK. CHECK HER YOURSELF.

This!

Oyster babe,,,,

You have to learn to pretend to be too sleepy... worked for me!

Mine does hang up his towels but never ever reuses them, he usually showers twice a day. So after three or four days he'll complain there's only a couple of towels left, and I'll go round the radiators and have to collect eight towels that he used once.
But a least he hangs them up I suppose.
He alway leaves a tiny blob of toothpaste in the sink after he has finished brushing his teeth
He'll start a job, say putting up a shelf or constructing a table. And about five minutes in to said job, he'll decide he's bored and then expect me to finish it when I told him to wait to put it together because I was busy.
Finally, when we shop, he puts useless stuff in the trolley. So I'm shopping for bread, milk, bacon, eggs, cheese, pasta, some biscuits for the tin, yoghurt etc. And he'll come along and fill the trolley with ready to eat cooked bacon strips, a microwaveable pulled pork wrap, some pic 'n' mix, a can of exciting looking energy drink, a pack of beef jerky then complain it costs a fortune and eats it within 2 days "there's nothing to snack on now, I've eaten it all".

But apart from that, he's wonderful!

I do some of these - teaspoon on the side is my worse (to OH at least) - but I'm going to need it in a while 😊

And I forgot he taught the dogs to come for a treat if you whistle. I like whistling tunes but now bloody can't without two big dogs sat expectantly by my side - so a solution for those with whistling OHs.

Some of these would drive me barmy.

We have two sky plus boxes , one in the main living room , and one in the kitchen , which is exclusively my programmes , purely because I like cooking , so I watch all my stuff in there in peace . DH watches his programmes on the main planner .

If I go and ask him something no matter how short or important , whilst he is watching " significant battles of the lesser south Panamanian river conflict " or whatever the hell it is , I get greeted with a martyred sigh , the ostentatious pausing of the programme , and the distinct impression that I've interrupted the most crucial bit .

However he thinks nothing of interrupting me ten times in five minutes , to show me something on Facebook that I really couldn't give less of a fuck about . And then looks at me when I do the ostentatious pausing of the planner , like I'm losing the plot.

I still love him dearly though .

Oh I'm sure that dh thinks that cupboards and drawers are a new invention! If I put anything in a cupboard it's lost according to dh.

Also when he's trimmed his beard he leaves tiny little 'insects' around the bathroom and after I complained he puts most of them down the toilet fgs!!

He tells me in detail how he has fixed someone's broadband at work(he's a phone engineer) this can take ages whilst I nod & try to look interested.
He also talks over stuff I'm watching on tv,usually at a crucial moment & I miss it. I toy with the idea of shouting 'SHUT THE FUCK UP, CAN'T YOU SEE I'M WATCHING THIS' but never do.

I get this. Every. Fucking. Day.

Good job I love him!

ahahahaha you guys are hilarious!

Just thinking about this increases my blood pressure....

OH: walks into the middle of the room and slowly turns in a circle Where's my
Me: Where have you looked? (In the 1 metre radius of your feet?)
OH: I've looked everywhere and I can't find it
Me: No, you can't 'not find it' you just cannot see it from your current position. In order to be classed as looking for something you need to OPEN DRAWERS in MULTIPLE ROOMS.

Leaving his damp towel on my side of the bed, which means he has to walk all the way around the bed specifically to achieve this. WTF???

Failure to fix his mobile (for 2.5 years) so every call has to be made/answered on SPEAKERPHONE and yet still refuses to relay what he wants in a text message, resulting in total panic when I see 10 missed calls but no text, only to find he just wondered whats for dinner.
Whats for dinner? Look in the effing fridge!!

That feels better. Its a good thing I'm perfect

Telling me a story and getting distracted so that the story takes about twice as long as it needs to.

Doing a weird half-pretend, half-real yawn thing when he's on the phone and can't think of anything else to say.

Checking my emails and wanting to know the huge and boring back story behind something completely mundane. Then moaning that my story was huge and boring.

Checking my emails and not marking them as 'Unread'.

Refusing to make any phone calls to anyone so, consequently, I end up being the named contact for everything and having to deal with it all.

Massive, ridiculous sneezes that apparently he just can't help.

Snoring.

Yes to the massive sneezes. I have to brace myself now when I realise he is about to sneeze.

Bringing me a half-filled glasses of water.

Getting down on his knees to use only the nozzle bit of the vacuum cleaner. Yes, it picks up the visible crumbs etc, but it doesn't actually get the rest of the floor clean.