Things DH does that make me want to scream.

[Reality]

LIGHT FUCKING HEARTED

When he hangs the washing on the rotary, he double spaces it 'so it will dry quicker'. It doesn't dry any quicker, it just means you can put less out.

He always uses the smallest possible pan 'to conserve energy' which invariably means the pasta or whatever boils over.

His floordrobe of worn once clothes. Why, for the love of god, why?

When he goes to the shop, he takes the 'exact' change that he guesstimates he'll need. Obviously this means he often comes back with missing items due to not taking enough cash.

He randomly drops to the floor and starts doing press ups or sit ups or planks or whatever his latest exercise thing is.

I love him to ends of the earth and back but bloody hell sometimes he baffles me.

AIBU?

When you say "double space" on the rotary, do you mean uses a row & misses a row?

I thought that everyone did that!

I fit a load on that way so there's no point in not doing it imo.

Yes to the starting a job without what he needs. Every time he baths the dog he forgets the brush so then he has a wet dog upstairs and is shouting for me!

Dressing dc for bed he'll give up if they wriggle too much so I'll end up doing both.

Leaving rubbish on side in kitchen - you've walked past the fucking bin!

Doing the washing (puts in washing machine and then tumble dryer) then it's somehow my responsibility to fold and put away but he's done the laundry!

Saying I'm just coming then start doing irrelevant jobs so I'm hanging round waiting normally with grumpy dc. Like washing up while making bottle before bedtime. We can wash up once they're in bed your holding up the proceedings!!!

But I'm guilty of a few of the ones up thread like leaving drinks everywhere . . .

Either doesn't close cupboard doors or closes them to the point that they're still a couple of inches ajar. WHY NOT JUST CLOSE THEM ALL THE FUCKING WAY THEN?

Asked me a few years ago for a wallet as a birthday present because he kept bending his keycard due to keeping it in his back pocket. Guess where the wallet is and has been for ages? On the table. Guess what state his card is in just now?

Wet towels on the bed.

Can't won't make decisions independently. "What are we having for dinner tomorrow?" and so on and so forth.

I'll probably come back to this with more later.

I've just read one I recognise - I am also Google.
He asked me to look up where a town was on his phone last night - whilst holding his phone!

Also the need for me to watch him do every bit of DIY like I am a feckless apprentice who has to learn

Nothing, because I dumped the irritating git a year ago. It was for his own good, I think if he'd said 'what's for tea?' Just one more time I would have poked him in the eye with the nearest sharp object!

Most of mine are kitchen related:

He rarely cooks, but when he does he takes forever, cannot be guided or helped at any time (I'm banished from the kitchen) and he uses 85% of something and puts the rest back in the fridge. Like a pepper, onion, some cream or whatever. When I ask why he didn't just use it all he replies "I didn't want to go over board" ! We're often away or something the next day, so the scraps of fresh food won't get used up. I've take to pointedly taking them out of the fridge and binning them there and then.

Yes yes to also doing 85% of the dishes/cleaning down after dinner. Incapable of wiping down a high chair or a table.

Same at breakfast; he unloads the dishwasher and goes to work. I come down and the draining board is full of dry dishes from the night before which need putting away, and the breakfast table looks like there's been a chimps tea party. Cereal boxes left open, natch.

Oh, and when he's done 85% of the dishes, he'll come and sit down. If I mention that there are still pots and pans etc he'll say snappily "I'm not finished yet". I'll then go to the kitchen a couple of hours later to find a washing up bowl full of cold, filthy water (this is especially annoying when we've had curry or something tomato based as it leaves a stain around the bowl) with the dish cloth festering in it

I feel better now. Oh, and am joining the others on this thread in the perfect camp

Ah ApocalypseNowt, I have exactly the same issue with the not buttering to the edges of the toast!! Wtf is that all about?!!! I always end up re-doing it.

Oh dear I think I am some of your DHs!

I leave wet towels on the bed (DH hangs them up, bless him)
I leave a teaspoon on the side (we both do this luckily)
I have a floordrobe, actually it's a chairdrobe

However on all the rest I'm with you

Snoring. DH makes a little pfft sound which is the most annoying sound in the entire world.
Not being able to find anything.
Needing stuff passed to him.
He cannot change a nappy without needing me to take over half way because he's got poo on his hands. We have two children.
Walking past the pile of stuff to go upstairs.
Then whinging that there is stuff on the stairs.
Treating me as his PA - "We should meet up with X and Y" - Fine, why don't you call them and suggest it??
Doing unnecessary tasks when there are about a million more urgent things that need doing (it's the baby's tea time? I shall mow the lawn)
Needing my input on every decision. Except food. He can make decisions about food. But nothing else.
Hogging the sink when we are brushing our teeth (I long for his and hers sinks)

I suspect I am a lot more annoying though...

Oh and the not buttering toast properly!

Not looking. He doesn't even bend down to look in the cupboard under the sink. He just stands looking out the window calling "where's x? I can't see it?" That's because it's not in the back garden!

He'll ask what time we need to leave. Then say "that's in the car, wheels turning off the drive at x time, not just walking out of the house!" I'll be sat in the car, he'll be fannying around in the kitchen. Every single time.

He puts his coat on, walks out to the car. Gets in the car. Gets out the car, takes coat off, puts it in the boot, gets back in the car and we leave. I don't know why he doesn't carry the bloody thing!

He chews yoghurt. His teeth bang together as he's doing it. It drives me mad.

The teaspoon on the side.

He'll need a wee 5 days out of 7 just as dinner is dished up.

Oh girlywhirly The recycling thing drives me nuts too. He KNOWS things need to be reused and we save plastic bags, but he insists on buying and using film for putting leftovers in the fridge, even worse is using foil because we can't SEE what's covered or wrapped in it, so it just goes off.

Inability to put dirty washing in the basket - he just lobs it in the general direction BUT on the weekend I'll sort the dirty washing into darks, lights and delicates and put the first load on, he will pick up the two remaining piles and put them in the washing basket so I have to sort all over again

He panics and needs to delete when we get to 50% space on sky box - WHY????

Puts dirty plates by the dishwasher or in the sink but never IN the dishwasher.

Will fill the sink up with soapy water and put dishes in it then leaves it - PUT THEM IN THE FUCKING DISHWASHER!!

But then I have a floordrobe just that it's a chairdrobe! And I've read plenty on here that I do myself

I am loving the screaming of the lighthearted!

I'm not sure I am being lighthearted tbh. This stuff really pisses me off.

Had my kitchen done last year, took DH 8 fucking months to put the damn kitchen room holder on the wall, and that was with me continuously asking and moving it so he could see it. I'm still waiting for him to paint the coving and some grey filler on the ceiling and put a strip of wood by the door frame. He bought the wood sometime last year. He has now cut it to size, months ago. The wood is now sitting across the radiator in the hallway. Just do a 5 minute fucking job without me having to constantly ask you when you are going to do it! Every fucking bastarding time I want anything done we have to go through this!

Asked recently when we are going to decorate the shabby hallway, won't even answer the question. As per usual.

Won't look for something without being given grid co-ordinates. If he didn't insist on constantly having his phone in his hand while walking around the house, he would constantly lose the fucking thing. Then he doesn't know where his wallet/keys/jumper is. I just say that I don't know now, even though I usually do.

Won't get the DCs ready unless I specifically say and lay their clothes out as apparently a top and a pair of tights is a good thing to dress a girl in and take her out. And of course a girl with long hair doesn't ever need it brushing. I said one day "have you brushed her hair" and he actually asked me why (again, a typical answer)! Ffs, fucking imbecile BECAUSE IT IS LONG AND IT'S VERY TANGLED AND IT NEEDS BRUSHING EVERY DAY SO SHE DOESN'T LOOK LIKE A TRAMP.

Grass getting very long, "can you cut the grass please DH" ugh grump grump grump, why grump grump. "Let's pave or AstroTurf or put stones down then" nope, he likes the gardens and grass but won't bloody maintain it without being asked then moaning about it and I can't do it.

Recycling bin over flowing, rubbish bin has stuff stuck to the lid it's so full, but no, don't take it out, please leave it there so everything is falling on the floor.

DH does the dishes (his choice not to use the dishwasher, cba to tell him it takes less water - again) "DH, can you wipe the side/table when you do the dishes" answer "why?" Ffs.

I'm not well and struggle to do the housework a lot of the time. Mention it needs cleaning, apparently dirt is invisible to him as he cant see it. I must have something in my eyes then.

Picture fell off the wall, took weeks to put that back up, with me continuously asking.

Stuff on the stair to go up, nope, it's clearly there for decoration.

Heavy washing basket on the kitchen floor for a week. Nope, I put that there for decoration too.

Need to see a doctor/follow up when haven't heard from hospital. 7 months later and still not sorted, have to constantly ask and check "have you phoned docs/hospital?" And text him at work to see if he's done it, just won't do it else.

Has to get up in the morning, put cereal in bowl for children then they are fine until I get up, needs to eat breakfast, iron a shirt if I haven't done it, put clothes on, go toilet, brush teeth and leave house. To me that's half an hour max. 75 minutes later stressing out the door and moaning that he's late (like he is every day), sort yourself out Ffs. I'm up, dressed, hair, makeup, make 3 beds, see to DCs, pack bags, do their hair, get out of the door all in 45 minutes. How difficult can it be to get yourself out in an hour!

Wow. I did not know other men have a floordrobe too?!
(Must not let DP find out or he'll then think it's justified)

Saying he will do a thing, then not doing it. He will eventually get round to it, but only after I've become a seething mass of fury.

Him: I'll mop the floors.
Me: great
Me: (two hours later) are you going to mop the floors?
Him: I said I would
Me: (four hours later) shall I just mop the floors?
Him: I said I would do it. There's no need to nag.
(11pm, just as I am getting ready for bed, he will mop the floors)

• My cat and I dealt with the floordrobe problem as he used to piss on DH's clothes if he left them on the floor. Now the bastard leaves them draped over my chairdrobe instead, knocking my clothes to the floor (luckily SeaCat is well trained and doesn't piss on my clothes, but they get crumpled).

- DH still thinks that there is a magical dishwasher fairy who deals with his dirty dishes left on top of the dishwasher. - Hour long showers & poos. - Contact lens containers left for days in the bathroom. Aggh, there's a bin there, use it FFS!

Leaving crumbs on the chopping board.
Keeping things to take to the tip/recycling in massive piles, forever.
Dotting his keys, wallet, headphones etc. on every surface available. PUT THEM IN THE BOWL ON THE DRESSER.
Asking me where his keys, wallet etc. are when I put them in said bowl. IN THE FUCKING BOWL. OBVS.
Thinking that hanging the dog blanket on the line makes it clean.
Washing up by filling the sink with hot water, shoving as much as possible in it and leaving it there, so when I come to actually DO it I first have to submerge my hand in cold filthy water.
Asking me where things are without looking.

And breathe.

Loads of these already mentioned. Floor-drobe, can't find anything, won't put stuff in dishwasher, never wipes kitchen tops, wears slippers in garden and outdoor shoes indoors, doesn't use a plate so crumbs and bits of food go on the floor floor, ..

-Farting in his sleep
-Eating with his mouth open
-Shouting to me when I'm up stairs about something really unimportant, which could have waited until I finished having a bloody wee!
-inability to find anything
-golf
-fishing

Snoring, eating loudly, talking when I'm trying to watch 'my programme' ! In fairness I do that to him too though. He annoys me more than anyone else in the world. Except perhaps my parents and in-laws.

I'm a horrible person.

Oh yes there's another one.

Family getting ready to go out. I dash around getting stuff for the DCs and getting their shoes on (they are 3 and 1). DH spends this time getting himself ready and then has a huff that I'm not ready and need to take 5 seconds to get my own shoes on and have a wee.

He won't use the squeegee on the glass wall in the shower (it takes 15 seconds, I've timed it!) then takes forevveeerrrr to get around to cleaning the bathroom when asked. Apparently the inch thick layer of soap/water deposits doesn't bother him. Grrrr!

One of the reasons we now have a cleaner.

Washes the dishes but then leaves one pan because "it looks gross" and he can't bring himself to touch it. Leaves dirty clothes everywhere but the washing basket, which the 5 yr old now copies . The floordrobe. Expecting me to know my way round places we've never been before, like I'm a fucking homing pigeon or something. My greatest bugbear though is buying a loaf and then leaving it in front of the bread bin - why not just go that one step further and put it in there FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!!!!!

Why are a lot of these men doing the same thing? I blame their mothers.

My dh tucking things away. Finishes cup of coffee/glass of wine etc. tucks it round the side of sofa on the floor "so it doesn't get tripped over". But then gets up and forgets about it forever. I leave stuff (laundry basket etc) IN the way so I can't forget it. He tucks it away. Opening post wherever he happens to be and tucking it away on nearest shelf etc all over the house. But then he never tucks away the bread or butter. The bread splays from the packet to go stale and the butter open to any flies etc. It's like a 15 year old boy.

Why are a lot of these men doing the same thing? I blame their mothers.

This. 100%