I'm NOT fat

[TheJollyPostmansWife]

Name change as about to give all details as too late to text friends for advice. Visiting DHs family today, out for lunch where I had a prawn salad. After I finished I reached over to nick a bit of my dds bread and as I did so My DHs grandmother piped up 'not watching your figure then?'. This is not the first time she has been rude about my weight and to be honest I am really pissed off. We see them very rarely and I don't think she has any right to make personal comments at all - last time she said something she suggested I would lose my looks and therefore my husband if I carried on the way I was. I don't think it's important as I don't think anyone should comment on others appearance but for context I go to the gym 3-5 times a week, walk the dog at least an hour every day and see a personal trainer weekly. I am five foot one, 9 stone 3 and size 8. I'm not normally so sensitive but I don't want to see the woman again, she is elderly and not in good health and adores my dds. Aibu to refuse to see her? I would never stop the dds but we live the other side of the country which is obviously limiting.

I would say 'no, i am clearly a size 8. I shall have as much bread as i like. Why, do you think a size 8 is fat then?'

Oh she's probably jealous. Or has an eating disorder and feels threatened by you. Or she's a cow. Who knows?

Just ignore it, refuse to engage or comment. Would it upset your dh to not see her?

Erm, now I promise, honestly, I am not doing that annoying thing where posters try to be argumentative for the sake of it, but how olds DD?

I do find it rude when people grab food off other people's plates and I wonder if it was a sly dig? Still unacceptable, but ...

YABU. I think it would be a huge overreaction to effectively prevent your children from seeing their great-grandmother, and make your DH's relationship with his grandmother very difficult, on the basis of a few somewhat tactless comments. Elderly people make comments like this quite often.

As for the weight thing, no you're not fat, but at 5 ft 1 and 9 st 3, you have a BMI of 24.3, and you are only four pounds from the maximum you could weigh without being overweight. A healthy weight range for your height is 6 st 13 to 9 st 7. So you're at the top end of healthy weight.

I weigh the same as you and I'm 5 ft 8. If I had a BMI of 24.3, I would weigh about 11 1/2 stone and would DEFINITELY look and feel overweight.

Learn these phrases:
"What a rude thing to say!"
"Do try to be polite, Grandma."
"I'd have been upset by that comment but I know how rude you are."
"Personal remarks are very bad form."
"You abominable old witch, hold your nasty tongue."

Perhaps the last one would be going a little far.
Avoid her if you like.

I'd just write her off as senile to cope. You know you're not fat. It doesn't matter what DH's grandmother thinks.

I'm a size 14 eating a snickers bar right now. It's fucking delicious.

Life is too short to not eat delicious carbs.

Unpleasant of her. I'm sure you could get away with not seeing her again if that's what you wish.

Surprised that you are that height and weight and a size 8 though (misses point)

Proteus good grief! How can you be so rude?

Given her age and how little contact you have with her, I'd let it go.

It's more common for the older generation to think critiquing what a Woman eats, is acceptable.

You know her mindset, it's based on out dated sexism, which I find makes it easier to ignore.

They're a close family although mil told her not to be so rude - I'm a rare one with a great mil. I don't want to cause trouble and am assuming pmt on my part, I ignored but I feel really upset about it. Recently back from holiday so obviously are too much or it's not a holiday and I'm far from svelte but I'm how I choose to be so no idea why I feel like this. I think it's the embarrassment of her doing it and the moment of deathly silence around the table that followed. I probably need a grip

Call her on her behaviour. Don't suddenly refuse to see her ever again. No point being cross if you don't actually tell the person not to behave like that.

Ah ignore her. My DH's Grandma was the same, I think it's being from a different era where people felt that commenting on weight was no big deal. DH's Grandma said to me 'you're very pretty with it you know', 'it' being my fatness! You are clearly not fat so don't let the old bag worry you and definitely don't stop the family seeing her because of it, just laugh it off.

Just stick up for yourself: "No, you're right, I'm not watching my weight and you're not watching your manners so that makes us quits. Coffee, great-grandma?"

This reminds me of an incident when I was younger and staying with my boyfriend's family and some of their friends. When dessert was brought out, the lady of the house said, "Well, of course only (my then boyfriend) can eat this because the rest of us are too fat (she must have been a size 8)". My then boyfriend, bless him, tried to defend me and said, "Hosta is not fat!" (I was then a size 10 - heaven knows what she'd make of me now) to which she responded, "Hosta's boyfriend, are you blind?!" . People who are obsessed with talking about weight are tedious beyond all understanding.

What DeadGood said.

She's an older member of the family. I say grin and bear it, always best to stay out of confrontation.
You know you're not fat, we know you're not fat, and I presume your DH knows you're not fat, so that's all that matters.

And lastly it doesn't say in your post that she actually pointed out that you're fat, maybe she's just thinking ahead down the line and pointing out at bad eating habits (although I can't see how taking something from your own child's plate is a bad habit)

Exactly what proteus said.

Sorry, the grabbing food was after dad got bored and went to play, not stealing food, I quite agree

No, you're not fat, unless you're about 3', but even if you were, you eating a bit of bread is none of her fucking business.

Oh just let it go, her comments are all about her issues/obsessions, not your actual body. And the degree to which it riles you is about your attitude to your body, not your actual body

No worries then Jolly :)

I love how a few posters have to put you in your place and let you know you're not really a size 8

Proteus, for fuck's sake. I'm a similar height and build to the OP (same height, BMI 22 so not far off) and I definitely don't look overweight. Don't be such a dick.

OP, if I were you and she says something like that again, just a puzzled "...no?" would probably do the trick.

Could it of been a joke?

She's just an old lady, I'd try and be a bit more tolerant.I'd just laugh and roll my eyes.You do sound very defensive, it's like she's hit a raw nerve, but if you're a size 8 you've got nothing to worry about. Throw it away, we'll all grow old one day.

thrillhouse so with a BMI of 22 you must weigh about 8 stone 4?

That's quite a significant difference from 9 stone 3, especially if you're short.

There is a huge diff between a BMI of 22.0 and a BMI of 24.3.